A Real Conversation-Christmas Version

Scene: Cares and the Hubs driving to breakfast before attempting the slew of strollers and angry elves at the mall. Cares is singing along to EVERY Christmas song on the commercial-free satellite car stereo. Even to the songs she doesn't know the words to. What? It's Christmas!

Cares: (taking a break from her solo part in The First Noel) Babe, what's your FAVORITE Christmas song
Hubs: Ummmm....
Cares:  (thinking she just KNOWS he's going to say "I dunno" like he does to EVERY random question she puts out there) interupts with What's your FAVORITE Christmas song and there's a gun pointed at your head?
Hubs: Rudolph
Cares: Blink, Blink Blink. Rudolph? Really?
Hubs: There's a gun pointed at my head! That's the first one I thought of! Rudolph!

Laughter filled the car as Cares thought there HAS to be a better way to get his opinions out.

Someone Smack Me

Okay. So I HATE clutter in my home. HATE IT. I had a major freakout over the weekend regarding a messy, cluttery kitchen that included feet stomping, real tears and some incoherent shouting about TOO MUCH STUFF. The poor hubs didn't know what to do so he just grabbed me by the shoulders, guided me to bed and kissed my face a million times before I curled up and fell asleep.

Cute.

Sure. REAL CUTE CARE! Sigh

So rewind to last week when a VERY generous co-worker offered up the opportunity for me and my ever growing bump to take a look at her stash of toys in her car headed for donation.

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Headed. For. Donation.

Hmmmm. Now call me crazy but

WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO CLUTTER MY HOUSE WITH TOYS ON THEIR WAY OUT?

Two possible reasons for the generosity:

1. Her kids have outgrown the toys and she is simply passing them on to a soon-to-be clueless mama
2. She didn't really want to drive to the donation site

I'm certain it's option 1. and she's just incredibly helpful. So someone please tell me I'm being unreasonable and tell me to take the toys filling up a Christmas-sized shopping bag and find a new home for them at my house where they can eagerly await the arrival of our sweet bundle. Or tell me to give them away! I'm very impressionable when it comes to my 3 readers. Okay maybe 4 on a good day. But you get the point.

I'm TRYING to prepare for the influx of STUFF we're about to be given and I still don't think I'll be able to comprehend it.

Help?

Baby Sidney

It's been a long trying week for the Blackwoods. Shawn's cousins have suffered a mighty big loss and it's been nothing short of heart-breaking. If you wouldn't mind sending your thoughts and prayers their way I know it won't go unnoticed.

I sometimes struggle with my Faith but am nothing short of grateful for it when there's such a great loss with no explanation. That's the hardest time for me to believe and keep that faith, but I cling to it like a child clings to his mama. There's been a lot of tears and praying going on in my house and you can bet if you're reading this, you've been in them. 

Hug your loved ones oh so tightly tonight because life is short and sometimes very unfair.

All my love,
Cares

Free Music

I love getting new songs and love it even more when they're FREE!

I also love getting into the Holiday spirit and that means Holiday music. :-) The Civil Wars is giving away two free downloads and they are quite lovely. You can find out about it on their Facebook page here:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/thecivilwars

And get the free tracks here:

http://app.topspin.net/store/artist/3620?wId=46685&theme=black&highlightColor=0x00A1FF&w=400&h=300&src=fb

I'm feeling great and have a full on bump now. You can't see it from the Thanksgiving picture below but I'll post some pictures tomorrow. :-)

I still haven't felt the baby move and it's the size of a sweet potato now so you'd think I'd be able to feel it moving all about. I long for that day.

I'm a full 41/2 months along now which according to MY math means I'm halfway there! We'll see if baby feels the same way about that math. :-)

I have my 20 week check up on the 17th at 9am so any prayers and thoughts you send my way would be great. I'm confident Dr. Taylor will give me a clean bill and show me that the placenta is no longer blocking the cervix.

I've been listening to her and limiting myself to walking everyday at lunch for 30-45 minutes. It feels great to be getting some exercise.

Mom met me and the Hubs at the Baby Store in Los Gatos to get schooled on all things baby stuff. We picked out some items and are of course comparing prices which led to a wicked argument about what else? MONEY! Sigh. One of these days we'll be able to communicate without it ending in tears, teeth gnashing and door slamming.

Blink
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What? Haven't you ever heard of pregnancy hormones?

Apparently the hubs has not and has not a thought about simply smiling and nodding rather than asking questions that lead into arguments. Again I ask this amazingly wonderful God of mine what in the world he was thinking putting a man and woman together. But that's a topic for an entirely separate blog post. :-)

Luckily I have a very good friend who's husband thinks pretty close to identically to mine. She listened and offered me sage advice on handling these discussions that start out with me excited about acribandadresserandastrollerandbassinetandacarseatandaandaanda well you get it, and end with the hubs punching the seemingly impossible numbers in his head.

I was not brought up to believe in that word. Impossible. It was a swear word in our house and I believe we'd have our mouths washed out with soap if we were to even THINK it.

What do you get when you mix a pessimist realist with a dreamer? Just come on over to our house, bring up acribandadresserandastrollerandbassinetandacarseatandaandaanda and you'll find out. ;-) Mostly it's a gorgeous, complimenting, loving pairing but sometimes the stubborn-ness  wins out and we both lose.

What?

Oh right. Like YOUR relationships are all rainbows and butterflies. Liar.

It's what makes us smarter, wiser and better people and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm open to any and all communication tips however. Those are never too much.

Love,
Cares

Reasons My Co-Workers Might Hate Me....

So I work with a LOT of women and men who have experienced pregnancy either first or second hand making yesterday's FREAK OUT really no big deal. To those who had the inside scoop that I was pregnant.

To help calm myself down I went on a lunch time walk with my favorite colleague Niki. We laughed as I re-enacted the morning's scene that began with her walking by my cube and simply asking how I was doing.  I mean, if I can't laugh at my crazy behavior what's the point? We then began talking about the very talented and actually very caring Social Media Manager who sits in front of me. He had innocently walked into work to see my tears of epic proportion and a seemingly frightened Niki trying to comfort me. At work. In front of everyone.

Niki Well, does he know you're pregnant?
Me Umm, well I never officially TOLD him but I mean doesn't EVERYONE know now?
Niki Maybe you should tell him

Blink
Blink
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Me Omigosh he doesn't know and now he thinks I'm certifiable LOONEY TOONS!

There was nothing we could to to stop from laughing until our sides hurt.

Fast forward to this morning's conversation as said Social Media Manager settles in for the day:

Me: Hey sorry about yesterday morning!
SMM: Oh, no worries AT ALL. I mean we all have days like that.
Me: Yeah I just don't know how to deal with all these crazy hormonal emotions.
Crickets begin chirping throughout the office
Me: (thinking: oh man so he DOESN'T know!) Soooo I don't know if you knew but I'm pregnant
SMM: Oh, wow I DID NOT know! Congratulations! And that makes perfect sense now!
Me: Sooo you just thought I was a crazy loon then huh?!
SMM: laughing Well I mean I just figured it was a bad morning or something
Me: Well, no not really I mean nothing was really wrong or anything I just couldn't stop crying!
SMM: Bending over from laughter My ex was like that with all 3 of ours. I mean we'd be in the middle of dinner talking about trees or something and when I looked up from taking a bite she'd just be bawling!
Me: Yeah I kind of feel bad for my husband. But thank gawd! I thought I was crazy!
SMM: No, I think that part's pretty normal! But congratulations again!

Oh the comedy that is my life. I mean honestly. I can just imagine if it were me walking in on yesterday morning's irrationality. NOT knowing the back story only to find out that
a. the fool was prego and
b. there was absolutely nothing wrong.

That's pretty funny, right?

While the Cat's Away....

Shawn's out of town for 2 nights and while this isn't a big deal, I've always hated it when he goes. He doesn't leave town very often but the codependent part of my soul absolutely hates watching him pack. The passive aggressive part of me wanted to hide all his clean laundry so he'd have nothing to pack and therefore not be able to go! That was only a thought. I made sure he had all the clean clothes he needed. :-)

Finding ways to fill my time for 2 nights wasn't hard. I even took Winston to "school" on Monday to make sure he was good and tired Monday night. He can be very high maintenance in the evenings. This is usually remedied by sticking him on his tethered leash and letting him roam "freely" out back but it's been raining which means mud, lots of mud and Shawn just shampooed the carpets for my Dad's upcoming visit. Muddy dog paws on light carpets don't really match and it makes me break out into hives and I've even been known to seize once or twice because of it. What? I like a clean house!

Anyhow, I filled my Monday with a pot of creamy potato soup shared with Tessy as we watched Monday night football and talked trash to Char online. This was topped off when Tessy asked me if I had plans the next evening. Side note: Tessy has a new BF :-) and when she told him that I hate when Shawn leaves he offered to take me to dinner the following night to help the time go by quicker. SCORE! Two dates in a row with ThankGodForTessy!

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling like I wanted to roll over and spend the entire day in bed but knew I was trying to take Friday off to spend with Dad. I yawned my way through my morning moves, patted Winston goodbye and left for work.

I should have listened to my body.

Suddenly at about 11AM a wave of Hell AKA my allergies washed over me. I was sneezing, coughing, wheezing, sniffling and couldn't find enough tissue to stop my eyes from watering out. I was getting evil glares from my co-workers whose facial expressions shot at me like daggers willing me to go home OR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP COUGHING/SNEEZING/SNIFFLING! I've been given the okay to take Claritin, but I have a hard time taking medicine in general so you'd be a fool to think I'll easily take it now.

Well I'm the fool for not taking it. I was miserable all the rest of the day long and had to cancel my dinner date with Tessy and her BF. I went home, put on my PJs and hit the sack. At 4PM.

Blink
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Winston was NOT happy. I tried to coax him with 2 new bones, wet food mixed with his dry food, I even tried to bribe him by telling him he could "play" with the orange cat that keeps teasing him out back. What? I was desperate! And that cat is really mean to stand just-that-close to the edge of Winston's tether.

We both found sleep and I didn't wake up until 9PM. With a splitting headache the size of my newly protruding pregnant ass Texas. I called Shawn and told him he needed to come home. Now. I don't care how, get on a plane and get home. What's so irrational about that? I think he laughed and I swear I could hear him shaking his head through the phone.

I finally got back to sleep and didn't wake up again until a bad dream woke me up at 4AM. And like a fool I tried to cuddle with Winston. Then HE needed to get up. Up and outside we go. But it was wet. So then I was mad at Lee Soloman who told me LIGHT SPRINKLES if anything would affect us. LIAR! I haven't been so angry in my whole life. What's irrational about that? His job is to tell me whether (get it?!) it will be soaked in my backyard like when Winston gets really thirsty and drinks his entire 10 gallon water bowl in one gulp or just damp like when Oscar takes a leisurely sip from his 1/4 gallon water bowl. It was soaked and I had no towel for Winston's muddy feet. AT 4AM. Thanks a lot Lee Soloman. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

He was a trooper and we worked it out.

Fast Forward to 7:30AM. Winston is in the back of the car and we're parked outside of his "school" waiting for the 2 other slow pokes who got there before us to drop their dogs off. One was a chocolate lab who's owner is ALWAYS there at 7:15 knowing full well that school doesn't open until 7:30. Then there was a woman with a snack size dog sitting on her lap in the driver's seat barking at EVERYTHING IT SAW. ANNOYING. We waited until the 2 others were safely inside and made our way in.

"Oh great Winnie, it's that kid you used to not like. I whispered out a small prayer: PLEASE LET THAT SWEET BLOND GIRL BE IN THE OFFICE ...pleasepleasepleaseplease."

The sweet blond girl was nowhere to be found and boy was taking FOR-EVER checking in Winston as I am anxiously looking out for any new snack-sized  dogs that might be making their way in the office. The boy who takes forever finally starts walking us up to the gate to take Winston into his pen when a woman and her snack-sized poodle starts making her way back. I'm not kidding. This poodle was like those small 100-Calorie Oreo cookie snack packs you can buy at the grocery store. What? They're good!

Winston mind you is the picture of calm. Me not so much. "CAN YOU WAIT UP TOP? HE'S NOT THE MOST FRIENDLY!" Now I'm not yelling but so scared that I can feel yesterday's lunch begin to rise up. Winston is sitting beautifully waiting for me to give a command. The boy who takes forever KEEPS WALKING. He has a history with Winston and knows how careful and cautious we are about him. Don't you think he might, you know, DO HIS JOB to prevent any freak out?! The lady keeps coming down clearly confused because the boy who takes forever is clueless. She gets it, turns around and waits up top. PHEW.

We walk by with no issue and Winston doesn't even give the snacked size poodle a second look. I look at the woman and say, "I'm sorry he's just not predictable".

Woman: Blink Blink Blink thinking to herself "Ummmm why is that dog even here then?"

I mean that's what I would be thinking. But Kevin the owner takes ALL dogs. Even dogs that are still intact. That's why Winston goes there. Because they love him there and work with him.

So the boy who takes forever and Winston have a history. Once, back when he was going every day, I asked how Winston was doing and if he was good with all the employees. They said all except the boy who takes forever. And they said something to the effect that Winston wasn't the only dog who took issue with him or that they didn't really like him either. So every time we saw the boy who takes forever I would get a little nervous because I knew this.

Today as I went to hand Winston off to the boy who takes forever he wouldn't go. He didn't charge him or bark or snarl or growl. He simply sat down and pulled back. Twice. I was really proud of him because most times he'll charge a person he doesn't like or at the very least bark that awfully frightening bark. Not today. He just calmly "told" me he didn't want to go with him. I walked him back into his pen and gave him a nice pat and whispered a "good job boy" in his ear. Not because he doesn't like the boy who takes forever, but because he controlled himself.

I apologized to the boy who takes forever and headed out.

Then I called Shawn and bawled my eyes out.

Blink
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This heightened hormone horses*&! mixed with sleep deprivation is a whole new beast that I don't know how to handle.

I mean, do YOU think it's weird that when a coworker walks over to ask how I'm doing I start bawling my eyes out? For no real good reason? Because I don't.

Hurry home hubz. Please.

Second Trimester Lies

Nothing I've read could prepare me fully for this pregnancy, and to be completely honest I haven't really done much research. I have my one and only website I visit, okay two if you count the one that compares the baby's growth and size to pieces of fruit. What? It's a cute site!

I want to experience this pregnancy as organically as I can. I mean it is MY experience after all and even though there are countless blogs and chat rooms that tell me how I SHOULD feel this week and what MIGHT happen to me this month, I want to go through it and live it as I FEEL it happening. This epiphany came to me after talking to my friend La (who is due a month after me!!!!) yesterday. I told her, I still feel so exhausted and THEY say that I get all this energy back in the second trimester. Her response was something along the lines of this is MY experience and could be, should be so different than any other one.

So. That said.

Every Saturday I begin a new week in my pregnancy. Don't ask me why the week begins on Saturdays. Something to do with the date of my last period and conception date and ovulation blah blah blah. The fancy dancy due date calculator told me so and my doctor agreed. So there it is.

This Saturday I will be 15 weeks along. WHAT? No, honestly. WHAT?! That's nearly 4 months nearly halfway.

The baby is the size of a lemon this week. A beautiful, lovely lemon.

Lemon Poster

Now if you know me I shouldn't have to tell you why this is my favorite week. I LOVE lemons. ADORE lemons. I will eat ANYTHING prepared with lemon and I could get all Bubba Gump on you but that's just annoying.  I mean this post IS about the babes after all!

In the next week the baby will grow from the size of a lemon to the size of a naval orange. About an ounce of growth doubling its weight. I suppose it shouldn't be any wonder why I'm so tired!

Each week I randomly receive emails from friends asking how I'm feeling, how excited I'm getting and if we're going to find out.

We're not going to find out! We want to be surprised and are both really excited about it. For now. That could change at any second so as of now we are waiting until delivery day. :-)

I'm so very excited about the baby but not so excited about what's going on in my body. Juju asked me a few weeks ago: How are you feeling? Are you glowing? Beaming?

Nope.

More like farting, burping and bloated.

Blink
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Sure not the most lady-like of responses but do you want me to be honest or sugar coat it all?

That's what I thought. Besides, lady like is boring. Don't do that.

So apparently I was supposed to wake up on the first day of my second trimester feeling a wave of energy thinking I could conquer the world.

AHEM

Well, yesterday morning at work I did indeed felt as if

a. I was on crack or

b. I just had a triple latte.

And not a Starbucks latte a Peet's latte. I was on fire and so excited to have so much energy! I got SO much work done and dealt with so many fires with so much vigor and vim! (What? It's a real word. Just ask Tessy.) I was accomplishing so much in my day when WHAM! 2PM hit. And it hit hard. It was like coming down off a triple Peet's latte. BAD. I've never been so exhausted in my life.

Exhausted/KatClein

I was ready for the burst of energy but not ready for the MACK truck that came behind it to take me out.

It's fine really, Winston has taken to rummaging in the kitchen for his own snacks now and Oscar follows him around vacuuming up his crumbs with his pug mouth. The hubz has grown accustomed to coming home from work finding me sprawled out in various positions throughout the house with my mouth wide open and a stream of drool hanging out. It's incredibly sexy and flattering. The icing on the cake has been my own flatulence waking me up. I'm not kidding. It's THAT loud. I mean I'm not eating anything weird, it's just a new fact of life at our house that can only be defended by my growing babes. There's nothing better than startling yourself out of deep REM sleep to the sounds of your own butt hole. 

Graphic, perhaps but they sure don't tell you that in What to Expect. And guess what. I would have liked to have expected THAT even if I am going for an organic experience! I sure wish the Hubz blogged. I would just LOVE to hear about this from his perspective.

Happy Friday! ;-)

Oscar the Bad Ass

So in the last 2 or 3 months the Hubz and I have noticed a significant spike in Oscar's bad ass demeanor. We attribute this to the fact that he now has a 140-pound beast for a big brother to back him up. His barks have become much more frequent and louder.

We're very much accustomed to his barking at the television to the extent that we have to change the channel when a commercial with any kind of animal comes on. These days he barks at EVERYTHING. Shadows on the wall, trees waving in the wind, neighbors walking by some 50 yards away, etc. It's gotten very loud at our home.


I mentioned the television barking earlier and he's simply taken it to an entire new level. He doesn't need to see any animals now. He's learned to memorize the opening music to commercials. His favorite is the NFL Home commercial. Now, I understand that there is a bulldog in this commercial, but a. the dog does not show up until 7 seconds in and b. the bulldog only lasts 1.5 seconds. I suppose in Oscar's defense the dog DOES show up again later in the 30 second long commercial for an entire millisecond.

Oscar has memorized the song and pops his pug head up every time that whistling begins without fail. That's all it takes is to hear the first whistle. Then he goes nuts running all over the living room looking for whomever it is whistling or the damn bulldog. It's a riot and I love every second of it.

May Day 2011 Has a Nice Ring to it

That's our official due date. :-)

I took the test on 8/30 knowing full well that I would get two lines on the test. Even though I had been keeping track of my cycles and was very sure the outcome, the technical writer in me just HAD to follow the step by step instructions to get the most accurate of results.

What? Someone slaved away writing those instructions: sending out for edits, placing the images just right.  Oh, yeah back to the story...

Oscar was sitting patiently outside the bathroom door as he always does when I visit the ladies' room. Shawn was in the office organizing his many piles and Winston was roaming around the house happily chewing up his baby.

I didn't even have a chance to hold my breath before the second pink line came up. In an instant I was laughing, crying and jumping. Oscar's nails clippity clopped on the bathroom tile in unison. "C'mon Oscar let's go tell the Hubz!" On the way through the house Winston joined in the parade prancing and swinging his "baby" with his mouth feeling the excitement in the air.

I stopped short at the Office door and waited for the Hubz to look up. He looked up and I didn't say a word just held up the positive test.

A look of confusion filled his face as he looked up from his project. He looked at me, the test, then me. He had a look on his face to say "what is that?". His faced changed as he realized that it was a pregnancy test. A POSITIVE pregnancy test.

"No WAY.
No WAY BABE!
Seriously?!
No WAY!"

I nodded and cried as we hugged and stared at each other. The dogs had mellowed out at this point and just watched us. It was an amazing moment. I felt as if I was floating and still couldn't believe how quickly that second line showed up. I was talking about a mile a minute.

IknewIwassuperlatethismonthbutyouneverknow,right?ImeanIdon'tfeelanydifferentbutWHOA!

His smile never left his face the rest of the night. Even when he had to get practical for a second. C'mon now. It really wouldn't be MY hubz if he didn't have at least ONE practical comment.

I took another test to be sure but we were already convinced. Well sort of convinced.

We didn't say very much besides the expected "Wow everything's going to change and we really have to start saving now" from the Hubz and the dutiful eye roll from me.

I called my Doctor the next day to see if I could get a confirmation. I mean how reliable ARE these tests anyway?

Apparently very reliable. The receptionist wouldn't book me for another 3 weeks and said I didn't need to come in for a blood test to confirm.

The next 3 weeks were strange. The Hubz and I didn't really discuss being pregnant mostly because neither one of us really felt it had been completely confirmed and I think we were both nervous that if we talked about it, it would somehow alter the reality of the situation. Well for whatever reason we both stayed very mum.

Mum. Hee hee.

I did tell my mom the very next day. How could I not? I made her promise NOT to freak out and that I hadn't even been to the doctor yet. She did very well for a Mom who's main character trait is "excited".

3 weeks later we had our first ultrasound that confirmed I was 8 weeks along with a May 1 due date.

Isn't it amazing? I mean what an image our tech got!

So we saw the baby, saw the heartbeat (going SO fast!), and were still in a state of quiet. While it hit us a little harder we were still nervous to talk about it even to each other! By now both Moms, Dad and Bubba all knew and were very excited for us.

Next up was the 12 week appointment that would confirm it all and put us in a "safe" place to announce it and even start making plans.

We heard the heartbeat and asked if it was indeed the right time to make our announcement.

"Well," the technician started "Sure, I mean it really doesn't matter WHEN you begin telling folks because really ANYTHING can happen at ANY time."

Blink
Blink
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Huh? Um OKAY. I guess that's true but then why do all these articles and websites say to wait? Jeesh lady.

So does this mean we should wait? I've already received one hate text from a BFF who has felt very neglected by my trying to keep a secret. I don't think I could have held out much longer.

So we didn't.

We planned a big dinner with friends to make the official announcement. Of course we HAD to plan it the last game of the Giants Playoff but we were able to let all our friends know nonetheless. Lots of hugs, cheers and even teary eyes greeted us as I jumped up on our fireplace to continue the celebration of the Giants' win with a hearty "GUESS WHAT!!! I'm PREGNANT!!!"

It was fantastic.

Then came the questions.

"Where will the baby sleep?"
"Will you keep working"
"What about the commute?"
"What names?"
"Boy or Girl?"
"Are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?"
"When is the shower?"

I mean honestly. I felt overwhelmed because the Hubz and I had barely found out what my medical plan covers! We hadn't really discussed anything beyond that.

Guess it's time to get to planning!

We're so entirely thrilled and cannot wait for May. There are quite a few details to iron out before then, so we better get started.

xxoo

Happy Birthday BUBBA! (Rerun)

And just for fun a video starring our favorite pug:

Slowing Down

So as quickly as that the Mean Reds are gone.

It's amazing what my hubz is capable of scaring away. Any crazy thoughts I ever have typically swirl round and round in my head making too much noise and drowning out any sense of logic or good reason. When I finally find a coherent way to express these thoughts it usually takes the hubz about 5 seconds to come up with a reasonable observation as to why these thoughts are indeed crazy. Instead of dwelling on it, I hear him out, laugh at myself and forget all about why I was making myself so nuts in the first place.

We all need people like that in our lives. I am blessed to have a few but none can disseminate a crazy thought like my hubz. There's isn't any judgment or lengthy detailed conversation and it rarely, if ever, comes up again in later conversations yet holds me accountable. In yesterday's case it was as simple as "Babe, you need to SLOW. DOWN. and you'll be just fine. Just slow down, okay?"

Blink
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Well, yeah, duh.

In an effort to slow down my thoughts I'm hoping it will cause me to slow EVERYTHING down. I don't know if you know this but there's some sort of law that limits folks to drive UNDER the speed limit up and down Hwy 1. I just know this stretch of road will be the ultimate test of how well I can really slow myself down to a reasonable pace of life. Should be fun.

Luckily enough I have the Ocean so close which always calms and slows me down. I have a feeling we're going to become very good friends in the near future.

Slow Motion

The Mean Reds

This morning I woke up with a case of the mean reds.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure. 

The Mean Reds

The hubs kissed me goodbye while I was still dreaming and I mumbled something about not sleeping on my stomach to which I got another kiss on the forehead and a whispered "good job babe".  Not long after that I stretched out and in the process woke up a sleeping Oscar who acknowledged the rising sun with his own morning movements and moved out from under the sheets and to a new spot under the pillows. He sighed as he got comfortable and looked at me with groggy pug eyes. I patted his pug head and told him it was a day I should simply be in bed and not even attempt human interaction. Before I could finish the sentence we both rolled our eyes as Winston the Hun began whining to be let out for his morning stroll terrorizing all the birds feeding out back.

Out of bed, the three of us made our way to the back door, yawning and stretching the entire way. Out went Winston and I got myself ready for the day.

Now when you start the day with the mean reds, you honestly have no business trying to be anything to anyone. It's much better to save your friends and colleagues the detriment of your bad attitude and pouty demeanor. Besides you never garner much sympathy, not that it would make a difference.

Well I don't live on a movie set nor is there a script so I don't have a choice but to power through the mean reds and just make it through the day.

5 outfits later I was making my way out to let the drooling-just-had-a-big-lop-of-water-beast out one last time when he decides it would be absolutely lovely to lay a big wet lick on my suede wedges. Sigh went the girl who woke up with the mean reds.

With no time to change for a 6th time I put Winston away for the day and said goodbye to Oscar. Out the door I go.

The events that proceeded in the following hours simply confirmed my case of the mean reds. A road-raged Dodge Stratus who wouldn't let me merge onto the freeway, a curt email informing me my Direct Deposit account number was invalid, and a hubs who forgot I needed the big car today.

None of these things give reason to the mean reds but they sure don't help when you've already diagnosed yourself first.


There simply aren't enough sick days.

Where Ya Been?

I know, it's been a VERY long time...

Things I've been up to:

1. Girls Football Pool trip in Sandy Eggo. We sunned, laughed, squealed and had an all out great time together.

2. Working on the house. The hubz and I have moved our entire loft area downstairs. Now instead of an empty great room I have an empty loft. :-( I'd LOVE to turn it into a lovely area for guest quarters that could double as a reading room. Sigh. Such a dreamer am I.

3. Collecting music. One of my favorite things to do is make mix cds for my friends. I'm working on my next installment.

4. Relaxing. Spending the weekends at home, tooling around the house has been much needed.

5. Sporting. Miraculously the hubz was given two tickets to the Giants Playoff Game 3 against Atlanta. 14 rows up from home plate. Uh-Mazing. Even if we did lose. Keeping tabs on my Sunday football games is as exciting as ever. I found my way up out of second-to-last place and am now resting not-so-comfortably towards the middle of the pack. If you have ANY insider information please pass it on. I've tried all kinds of strategies: underdogs, home field advantage, all of which have yet to give me a perfect record.

I'll have more soon, I promise!

P.S. Happy, HAPPY to one of my very dear friends who turns 30 today! Happy Birthday Professor! Here's to many happy returns! xxoo

Winner, Winner!

Like I mentioned earlier, I LOVE my blogs. I even pretend I know the folks writing them. I imagine we're old friends who met years ago as pen pals and never stopped writing to one another. I mean this works as long as you don't think too hard on the fact that most of the authors of these blogs don't really even know who I am or that I follow them at all. That doesn't ever stop me. :-) Guess it's the Pollyanna in me.

Anyhow, I came across the Obsessive Beauty Blog through the Santa Cruz Good Times weekly paper. Each week they offer a giveaway from a local boutique which has included some really fabulous items. Imagine MY surprise when 2 days after I submitted my entry, I was chosen as the winner! It was an amazing feeling! So fun to get free stuff that is actually very pretty!

It doesn't take but a moment to submit an entry each week, so do it!

Gotta go, there are more entry forms to fill out!

xxoo
Cares

Writing a Post...Helping Some Dogs

It's no secret I love my blogs. I mean the obsessed kind of love. Not the scary Ali Larter v. Beyonce kind of obsessed. More like the NICE kind of obsessed.

Anyhow one of my favorite blogs posted some information about how to help various dog shelters get their hands on some donations. All I have to do is inform my 3 loyal readers :-) about it and submit a link. So if you have a website you can do the same and even more donations will roll in to those shelters in need. Since Winston was a rescue of sorts, and who KNOWS where he'd be now if we hadn't taken him in. And as a good citizen and dog owner I feel an obligation to help out where I can.

I took this from the website I learned about the donations called Life With Dogs. It's a great blog with great information, amazing stories and fantastic giveaways. Yep, I said it. GIVEAWAYS!

Log on and learn something new!

xxoo
Cares

• Each year, more than 4 million dogs end up in shelters and breed rescue organizations. Pedigree created The PEDIGREE Adoption Drive to help shine a spotlight on the plight of these homeless dogs.

• This year the PEDIGREE Adoption Drive is raising awareness for homeless dogs by donating a bowl of food to shelter dogs for everyone who becomes a “Fan” or “Likes” The PEDIGREE Adoption Drive on Facebook. So far more than 1  million bowls have been donated.

• Special for BlogPaws West: For each blog that posts about the PEDIGREE® Adoption Drive through September 19^th, PEDIGREE® will donate a bag of their new Healthy Longevity Food for Dogs to shelters nationwide. It’s simple: Write a post, help a dog

Repost: I Can't Make This Ish Up!

So I sit in a teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls which translates to NO PRIVACY. No biggie, just makes me that much more productive. It's great, really.

AHEM

Now as a teacher and a nanny I've seen my fair share of children with the ants-in-their-pants syndrome. Plenty. What I've never seen is a grown man get up from his desk 85,000 times in the span of one half hour. I'm not kidding. And he doesn't just get up and walk.
He ever.so.slowly.shuffles.his.right.foot.then.the.left...ENOUGH ALREADY! SIT DOWN!

I don't know where he goes or why. I don't know why he gets up to get his lunch from the refrigerator only to shuffle back, set it down on his desk and shuffle back out again. I only know he is completely incapable of sitting still and does this ALL DAY LONG. I also know a little bit about his temper and his stutter.

A few weeks ago, I was minding my own business being very productive in my teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls when out of nowhere I hear antsy-pants begin to raise his voice and yell at what seems to be a co-worker on the phone. Not only is he yelling but then his stutter kicks in so he's angrily stutter-shouting and some poor sap on the phone.  My eyes about bugged outta my head as I looked up at my co-workers who all looked back with the same scared-as-shit expression. And it went on and on and on for a good 15 minutes. Stutter shouting about not having information to give in time, and "no I don't have to ask for things in a nicer manner".

I of course being the dramatic soul that I am, I envision him slamming the phone down and going postal all over the office. Luckily my imagination is much more animated than real life and instead he just stutter-vented to his office mate who politely nodded his head in agreement to EVERYTHING HE SAID. Um, yeah I wouldn't go against antsy pants either! You just can't fix crazy.

So yesterday was one of our Director's last days. He's taken a position overseas and in honor of this we were throwing him a sendoff party at the local bar and grill. It's 4PM and our Director's admin comes to my teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls to ask me to head over early with her. She doesn't finish her sentence when out shuffles antsy pants.

Hhhhheyy guys...I've gggot this gggreat idea! You remember The Carol Burnett Show?

Blink
Blink
Blink

Cares: You mean Miss Hannigan? The mean orphan lady from Annie? Sure, I remember her!
Admin: No I think he means the SHOW
Antsy Pants: Yeah! Well remember this song?

Antsy Pants then proceeds to sing the farewell theme song to The Carol Burnett Show and pretty well actually. No, this guy was GETTING INTO IT. Eyes closed, knee dips, the whole nine yards. Right outside my teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls. All the while all I can think is "Why MY cube, and WHY isn't anyone else here to witness this crazy behavior?"

He won't leave until Admin and I both promise to sing with him. Oh yeah, sure sure! GETTOUTTAHEREANDWHILEYERATIT SIT DOWN!

By the time I get to the Bar and Grill everyone had heard about Antsy Pants and his desire to serenade our Director. Dude shows up holding song sheets for everyone carefully tucked under his arm like the Holy Grail. He's beaming. He raises his water glass to toast our director. He stands up and is very gracious. Then he turns not so gracious as he passes out the song sheets.

And a one, and a one, and a one two three four....

Some people just sit and read the words, some take copious sips of their cocktails, some mumble along but all are feeling a little awkward for antsy pants. He's still beaming and singing his heart out. Still the only one standing up.


I do NOT make this up. I promise.

Just When I Thought it Couldn't Get Worse....

Antsy Pants has the EXACT same laugh as George McFly.

WHAT?! WHY?!

And if you think I'm kidding, I'm SO not kidding.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e18eE33juE8

Things I Saw This Weekend

All changes, even the most longed for have their melancholy;
For what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves.
We must die to one life before we can enter another.

-Antole France

Photo courtesy of the ladies room at The Catalyst Downtown Santa Cruz

Things I Hear in Yoga

So I've signed up for 30 more days of bliss at Bikram Yoga Aptos. Okay so perhaps BLISS isn't QUITE the sentiment but I can honestly say I've enjoyed the past 22 days practicing and getting better. I have had the best teachers at this studio, each with his/her own enlightening statements they've taken on from Bikram himself. One that has really stuck with me was said during Bow Pose. You're lying on your stomach grabbing the top of your feet from the outside and KICK KICK KICK until you can see your feet come up over your head.

Blink
Blink
Blink

Okay so I CANNOT see my feet come over my head. I can barely get the grip without the fear that I am going to yak/fart/scream/collapse. It's multitple choice day here at Anglewood. If you selected all of the above in that last sentence, congrats! You WIN!!! At any given point in every 90 minutes of my practice those feelings rise. I think the entire point of Bikram is to be able to acknowledge those feelings and find the capacity to push them way deep down and let them go. It's a great challenge.

So back to the pose...

As you grab your ankles you're supposed to look up and back. As I'm kicking my legs and clenching my touche I hear the instructor calmly say "Now look up, way up. Your body will follow your eyes. If you can see and know where you're going your body will follow".

Now I took this figuratively and literally. Isn't it the simple truth?

Things I Hate Doing

The only thing worse than having to attend a baby shower is getting roped into helping put one on.

Ugh
Double UGH

Okay, Okay

I deeply apologize to my TWO known readers that it's taken me 85,000 years to write. :-)

So Intuition and Accountability. I've had experience with both in the past week and am excited to vent.

I was blessed with an incredible intuition. That voice/feeling striking sensation that speaks to me is very evident and mostly very reliable. But this isn't the kind of intuition I'm talking about. Maybe the word "intuition" isn't what I'm referring to in this instance, so help me out if you think of another term.

I've spent a couple of years in a classroom. Not just any classrooms. JUNIOR HIGH classrooms. You can remember back to jr. high, can't ya? Well it's a time of great confusion thinking you know it all even though your hormones are more than you can emotionally even deal with. This can cause students to daydream, lollygag, and don't get me started on the endless chitter chat during lectures. Sounds a lot like kindergarten eh? Well, I've had to repeat myself many times to these students, so many times in fact that I actually got sick of my own voice. (GASP!) Okay maybe not. But my point is, PAY. ATTENTION. Repeating one's self in a classroom is incredibly common. In fact I'm pretty sure it's listed in the job requirements. I just didn't necessarily think it would be part of my life working in Corporate America. Fast forward to last week when I walked a colleague through a process that involved uploading content to our shared FTP site.

Blink
Blink
Blink

Let me go over it AGAIN. it's an online tool that allows the sharing of really large files too big to send over email.

So literally a week later this same colleague asks me for the FTP information.

Commence the gnashing of teeth and ripping out of hair. I oh-so-sweetly responded to the email by copying and pasting the exact instructions sent over the week prior. Somehow I managed to restrain myself from forming into a giant asshol and even walked over to help.

Does it take intuition to go and find that email BEFORE asking for me to do it for you? Or is that another word?

I love this colleague, I truly do. This colleague is sweet and kind and honestly only wants to do the best job. I in no way think ill of my colleague, just the experience. I'm one of those poor saps that can actually separate the action from the person in most cases. Weird I know. Whatever. This is my blog. Get your own. :-)

So maybe intuition isn't the right word, but when I interviewed I told my future boss that I will try EVERYTHING before I ask for help and it's true. I will research the shit out of something before asking for help and explain all the avenues I took when I can't find the answer on my own. I guess THAT'S the kind of intuition I'm talking about. Maybe it's more like initiative. They've both got i's and t's and n's. Same diff. Kinda.

Accountability

So you're probably thinking this is just going to be another rant about said colleague. Well, it's not. In this case the accountability is about yours truly. WHAT? You mean YOUR blog is going to talk about YOU? ;-)

Don't be daft, it's not charming.

So I've been practicing Bikram yoga since 2006 or so. I'm still not very good at it and in the past not very consistent, but I love it.

I've been driving to Downtown SC to attend classes in a stinky, unfriendly studio with a nothing-short-of-chaotic parking experience. Every camel pose I would pray and send out energy for a new studio to open in Aptos. If you know me, then you KNOW me, meaning my thoughts are generally out loud and my opinions can be somewhat strong.

Blink Blink Blink

So you can imagine my surprise and joy when a post-surgery, jacked-up-on-pain-meds Megan calls my cell and leaves a message for me:

Care? Oh, right voicemail. Care, sooo I'm siiiiting in the car wayyyyiting for Paul in the UPS store and therrrre's this sign that says Aptos Bikram Yooooga. We haaaave to goooo. Byeeee. Oh it's meeee, Megan.

Before I called her back I got online and typed in Aptos Bikram Yoga. Sure enough, THERE WAS A BLOG AND EVEN SOME PICTURES!!! OH HAPPY DAY! I waited patiently (ahem) for 2 months and was the first one at the door waiting to get in the Grand Opening. Okay so I missed the Grand Opening for a weekend getaway with the hubz in Pismo. But I was there Monday ready to bikram the fat right outta my big ole Judy Booty. They're introductory plan is 10 consecutive classes for $20. Oh and I was there all 10 days.

Okay I missed 2 days, but only because they don't offer an early morning class on Tuesdays and those are the days I go to LG to do power yoga and then hit up Gram's for a visit and dinner.

See don't you feel bad for being mean saying things like I'm a slacker for missing? What?

So my 10 days is up and I've just committed myself to 30 consecutive days of yoga. Mostly Bikram and some Power because that's just how I roll.

I'm sure you'll be reading all about it. Hey, I gotta figure it out. I just tried on my bikini from my honeymoon and it yelled at me. Loudly. I mean it screamed so maniacally that I felt a break in the space-time continuum.

What? So I have a flair for the dramatics. Better that it's in my writing and not real life. BEE. NIIICE.!

So I've COMPLETELY derailed this rant. AHEM

So along with the new Yoga studio being amazingly beautiful, the energy is so incredibly positive and uplifting in this joint.

Y'all.

The owner HUGGED me on my first day. The convo went like this:

Owner with the rockin' yoga body: Welcome! You know, you look VERY familiar...
Me: Wellllll I mean, I've added you on Facebook...been following your blog..basically I've been waiting 2 years for you and this stuuu....
Owner with the rockin' yoga body: (cutting me off reaching for a hug) Oh you are so sweet! Caroline? Well, welcome Caroline, I am so happy to have you here!

And what do you know? Owner with the rockin' yoga body greets me by my first name EVERY TIME she sees me, and calls me out in class: Caroline I KNOW you can get deeper into that half moon, beautiful posture Caroline...She was as excited as I was to become an "official" member and not just for the money. No kids, this is the real, genuine kind of joy. I just adore Owner with the rockin' yoga body.

So the only problem to all that is the accountability that goes on in an intimate setting like this. They aren't afraid to call me out and push me to my limits. This is what's going to make the difference in my body, but with that comes hard work. I could hide at the old studio. They never bothered to ask me my name after the initial sign in before class. I could sit out as many poses as I wanted, not push as hard. Those days are long gone and now there's accountability which will lead me to feeling and looking my best. I CAN'T WAIT!

So onward and upward. Here's to looking good in my honeymoon bikini.

Coming Soon....

A detailed rant regarding intuition and accountability. Hopefully the latter of those will be helping me get something up today....

xxoo
Cares

Happy Friday

Let's all be weary of the Swamp Heifer and strive every day not to become one.

I think this shall be my new prayer before walking out for an evening out.

Happy reading and more importantly, HAPPY FRIDAY!

xxxooo

Cares

http://pearl-whyyoulittle.blogspot.com/2010/08/and-remember-they-can-smell-fear.html#links

On Failing

Failing every once in a while is part of being human. Actually, it might be a requirement.

I just read this statement that someone posted as a response to another blog. It made me stop, look up, and take a big breath before I re-read it a few times.

Lately my emotions have been getting the better of me. Shocking, right? Well a lot of people I care about are going through some serious life changes, myself included, and it's taking a toll. I recently had a conversation with Kimmie about how our ideals have changed dramatically from our college days. Y'know the days when we were actually BELIEVING we could take on the world and make a change. I mean not just thinking that our ideas and actions would actually make a difference but KNEW they would. We were in college. We were unstoppable. We were going to do what no one else has ever sought out to do before us.

Fast forward to today. Neither of us are actually doing much related to what we studied, pined, dreamed of doing. Maybe the word failure is too dramatic, but what does feel like failure are the numerous attempts we've all made trying to get back on that track, relive those ideas of grandeur on a much smaller scale. Sure it's a shit time to try and get ANY kind of job in ANY field, there's not a whole hell of a lot any of us can do about that. We've had to settle for what we can get but ultimately that settling has created an incredible amount of stagnancy causing an uneasy feeling of failure.

I'm too damn young for a mid-life crisis. But here I am. Feeling unsettled in so many areas and not having much opportunity to change it.

I'm not where I thought I'd be. My family dynamics are not what I thought they were. So many things I've made up in my head have come down in a crashing heap of good intentions and sugar-coated ideals. I want it all, the career that keeps me motivated and satisfied and a family life that provides stability and comfort. And maybe for the most part it does, but it sure isn't what I've made it up to be. It sure isn't what I pretend it is. And let me tell you, I'm a great pretender. I guess that's attributed to all the books I've read and the imagination I've conjured up. I've tried to make up a world that doesn't exist. I think I really do live in a parallel universe without a true grip on reality. I'm not crazy, I've just ignored so much of the bad or negative and tried to simply gloss over it.

Growing up I never learned how to really talk about things that upset me. I was 21 years old the first time I actually sat down and discussed my feelings about my parent's divorce with Bubba. They split up when I was 2.

Blink
Blink

My whole life I've wanted peace and quiet, everyone getting along. I still do. But that's not real. Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is filled with curve balls you don't see coming. But it's also an amazing ride with some amazing people by my side.

Life is sometimes about falling apart and putting yourself back together.

The One Where I Feel a Little Guilty...But Not Really

So if you're my friend then you know that I love and miss my friend and trainer Jen almost as I miss that Kauai sunshine I got on my honeymoon. Well if you've never read her blog then it's imperative that you read it now for a little background information. Specifically this one right here. Yep this is a link and it will take you there.

So  2 years ago almost to the date I bought my Fabulous Pair of Chloe Sunglasses at a trunk sale at a local boutique. They were fantastic. They were on sale. They were still expensive. The free champagne helped.

I had noticed that the arm had begun to loosen and made a big scratch in the lens so I took them in to see if the scratch could be buffed out. Sure enough the snobby boutique owner told me there was nothing she could do. I stomped out with a pouty HMPH vowing never to shop there again. Unless there was Champagne. What?

The other day I pulled my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses out of their case, opened up the arms and SNAP! off came the arm all together. I sat with my jaw on the floor of my car, a tear forming in my left eye, the arm in my right hand and the carcass of my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses in my left.

I don't tend to allow material things to cause such devastation, but my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses had accompanied me on many fantastic adventures: Benisa's wedding in Wailea, my bachelorette party, my wedding and honeymoon. I even left them once and had them safely returned. They served me very well. They were like an extended family member.

Blink
Blink
Blink

Too far? Yeah, you're probably right.

That following weekend a girls' weekend to Walnut Creek was planned. Lunch at a lovely sidewalk cafe and shopping at Nordie's was the agenda. After lunch we walked to Nordies where I had a flash of genius. I quietly separated from the drama that is 5 girls and headed over to the sunglasses. I put on the biggest smile I could, pulled out my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses and asked if there was someone on hand to fix the arm with one of those little sunglass screws. You know the teeny tiny ones that require a magnifying glass to replace. All the while in my head saying BAT you short stumpy eyelashes, BAT!!!

Oh, this arm is completely busted off, they can't be fixed. Do you see another pair you might like?
Oh but I LOVE my Fabulous Chole Sunglasses. (POUT you small un-platypus like lips, POUT!)
Oh I'm sorry, they are fabulous, but broken. What's your number and we'll get them exchanged out for you.
UUUMMMM welll this purchase won't be in your computer.....
That's okay, what's your number?
408-....-.....
Hmm I don't see anything in here. But how about this Chanel pair? They're very similar in style.
So you can just exchange them out...just like that? (Knowing full from my 5 year tenure as a salesgirl at my own neighborhood Nordies that well that yes, she can.)
No problem, here you go! Would you like to keep the arm?

Then I read this article on yahoo. I didn't feel so guilty after that. We were all winners that day. Cares, Nordies sales lady, and yes even Nordies will be reimbursed.

Oh I love my Fabulous Chanel Sunglasses.

Sleep v. No Sleep

I have to say this post was completely inspired by my writing hero Dooce. If you haven't checked her out yet, dooce it. HAHAHAHHAHA


Okay, obviously I am feeling better these days, but not without a little help from my good friends: power yoga, The Works, and those pesky Seacliff Stairs. I've been head-down working on working out to keep my mind from exploding from all the frustrations that encompass life. I'm seriously considering talking to a therapist again just to figure out some of it all. If any of you out there have any recommendations I'm open.

That said, I'll move on to the meat of this post.

Last night I took a glorious walk/run with Meegs, her seester, 2 friends, and two of my favorite peeps on the planet...her two boys. The boys rode their scooters along the walk as we enjoyed the amazing view of the Pacific. I took myself up the Seascape Stairs for a grueling yet satisfying ab/butt/leg workout and quickly met back up with the others. When I say quickly I mean as quickly as I can as I huff and puff and swear and spit.

Thinking I would sleep like a dream, I called it an early night and was in bed by 9:30. Then the fun began:

Cares v. Winston
Sleeping soundly is hard to do when Winston-the-160-lb-mastiff jumps on your body and tries to find a comfortable spot on the bed. He's nothing if not tenacious, and would wait until I was resettled after yanking/pulling/pushing him off the bed to jump back up. He did this 5 more time. Let me repeat in case you don't understand the severity of it all. 5 times.

Winston: 5
Cares: 6

Cares v. Temperature
Shawn washed our comforter last night and made the bed with it straight from the dryer.

Blink
Blink

TOO.HOT.

I woke up cold with only the sheet for a cover and the fan blowing at a speed of 3 out of 3.

TOO. COLD.

I had to rearrange myself and nearly wake Shawn to get the covers on just right. What? Don't EVEN try to tell me that you don't have a particular way the bedding goes when you try to sleep. Liar.

Winner: Cares


Shawn v. Winston v. Cares
Sometimes when Winston gets tired of me telling him he can't come up on the bed, he'll go over to Shawn's side and jump up like he's a gazelle. Except he's NOT a gazelle no matter how graceful he can be to completely clear Shawn and in one fell swoop curl up pretending to be asleep.

Twice Shawn had to pull him off the bed and put him into his own.

If I never hear the hubz sternly say STAY, STAY (because he can't just say it once) again it'll be too soon.

Winner: Winston for a. waking me up again and 2. making my hubz annoy me

Cares v. Winston
Out of a DEAD SLEEP I shoot up to the sounds of Winston's ferocious THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE LET ME GET THAT SOMETHING IT'S A SQUIRREL NO IT'S THE CAT CREATURE NO IT'S A RACCOON NO IT'S A SKUUUUUUUUUNNNKKKKKK
LET.
ME.
OUT!!!

Winner: Tied between Winston and some unknown creature outside

Sigh. I've really gotta do something about this sleeping situation.

Week from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

WOW

This week goes down in the record books for WORST. WEEK. EVER. 


I haven't been sleeping, the website I manage at work has been down for 2 days and to add insult to injury I received this oh-so-lovely-and-not-a-blow-to-my-confidence-at-all response to a job application:



Dear CB,

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider you for employment and for answering the supplemental questions we emailed you earlier this week.

Although your experience is impressive, we have been surprised by the response to our posting and are unable to offer interviews to every qualified candidate. We appreciate your interest in xxx and wish you success in your search for the right opportunity.

Sincerely,

The xxxx Team

Happy Freaking Friday.

Reasons My Co-Workers Might Hate Me....

Yesterday I confessed to a colleague that I hate baby showers. She shot me a look that was a cross between pity and confusion. I mean it's not like I said I hate babies. Jeesh.

What's a girl gotta do to get some sleep around here?

Let me start this entry off with a great big yawn as I try to peer through sleepy eyes.

Something in the Anglewood household has to change. QUICK LIKE. First there was my attempt at sleep aides. Now I've just gone into full bore cranky mode. Winston has taken to climbing into bed in the middle of the night while the both of us are sound asleep and unaware.

Blink
Blink

I'm sure you're having a hard time imagining how ANYONE could sleep through the earth shattering and room quaking that is Winston. But honestly he really does somehow sneak his way up.

Now since we are passed out you'd think it wasn't a big deal. The problem is he starts out at the bottom of the bed and as he gets more and more comfortable he stretches out so much that I'm pushed to the outer edges of the bed and wake up just before I plummet out of a fantastic sleep and onto Oscar snoring peacefully in his bed. Then the process begins. I take all the tired strength I have to push/pull/pry Winston off the bed only to have him reenact this 3 more times before dawn.

All the while my husband gently stirs unaware.

Last night was the last straw.

Bless his heart Shawn couldn't sleep.

It was 2:26 when I awoke out of a blissful sleep induced by a heart thumping, leg kicking, tricep developing class at the gym. 

I moan how tired I am and how I've got no sleep this week and can't perform at work because of it. Shawn simply looked forward watching Adam Sandler and his idiotic haircut try to save a hotel. To add to the fun, a bulldog appeared out of nowhere in the movie sending Oscar to his feet barking like a dog on crack looking for a hit.

I throw the covers off and head to the kitchen to get some water hoping it's all a dream and I'm really still asleep. Winston of course moves his sasquatch body out of the way so I can open the door and follows me out to the kitchen where he starts whining uncontrollably and then BARKING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS BECAUSE IT'S NOW 2:38.

This is when I lost my mind. My rant went something like:

Really, Winston? REALLY? What? Should I take your barking ass out for a f*@#ing run around the block? I mean that's reasonable enough AT 2:38 IN THE DAMN MORNING! KNOCK IT OFF AND

GO.

TO.

SLEEP!!!!

I got back into bed, turned on my light and began to read. All I could focus on was the thought: IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I MIGHT BE SEMI NORMAL. So I shut my book and did my best to shut my mind. I don't know what time it was the next time I woke up and didn't want to know.

6:30 came around and I had to wake up the hubz who had overslept thanks to Adam Sandler, his bulldog and mullet.

I'm very tired and just watched my head explode all over my desk after a very important conference call with developers and engineers working on translating the web site I manage. That's gonna be a bitch to clean up.

You Get What You Need....

I learned as a kid the old cliches "Life isn't fair" and "You can't always get what you want" which usually ended up in a tantrum of some sort. As an adult I get that in order to get past these truths of life it helps to tell ourselves that the silver lining is yet another cliche "Everything ends up as it should".

I'm usually pretty good at looking at the bright side...so much so that former colleagues dubbed me Pollyanna, a nickname I was happy with actually. It's fun to be the one who stays calm when everything else is falling apart.  Lately I feel like there's nothing worse than rejection and while I don't take my professional life personally, I'm beginning to take things to heart. I've taken to refreshing my email, checking my cell for a missed call about a million times a day....sigh.

I know I'll end up where I'm "supposed" to, but it's the meantime that's killin' me and yes, I know the lessons only come during the meantime. I'll try to channel Pollyanna and stay positive. Wish me luck...

Concert

Tess and I had a BLAST at the Avett Brothers Concert and fell in love with a new artist named Chelsea Williams. (Jules do NOT look her up. kay?!)

We enjoyed some fantastic music, beautiful weather and delicious wine. We will definitely go back for more concerts this summer.

I LOVE....

Driving to work with the hubz serenading him with songs about June Carter and Johnny Cash so loud he laughs and shakes his head.

I LOVE....

SHOUTING IN EXCITEMENT!

Advil PM versus The Mastiff

Lately I've been working out more and pushing my body to its limits with "The Works" at my gym and various forms of power and bikram yoga. Suffice it to say I've been a bit sore. I was exhausted yesterday after an early morning meeting and yet another office announcement but went to Bikram anyway.

I was feeling all 20 of the chatarungas I had done the night before and decided to take some Advil.

Smart idea.

But then I thought about how I had not been sleeping through the night for the last two weeks and decided to take Advil PM.

Not a smart idea.

Shawn has been pulling all-nighters that lead to early morning departures into the office. I mean REALLY early. Before-the-birds-are-up early. Well, except for that BlueBird who sits perched outside my open window. That *asshol thinks he's a rooster.

For the past week or so the dogs have been otherwise unaffected by Shawn's early mornings and simply sleep. Winston only stirs to move from his bed into ours where he'll plop down with a heave and ho causing Oscar to scramble for his life hoping not to be smooshed.

Well this morning Winston:

• was thirsty
• needed to go outside
• wanted to find his bone
• wanted to play

in that order. At 5AM.

Blink
Blink
YAWN
GROAN

FINE WINSTON! I'm UP!

I think we're ready for kids....and I've learned my lesson about sleep aides.



*This version of spelling denotes a term of endearment versus an insult. What?! It's a body part!

Fear v. Faith

No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.
-Edmund Burke


You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.
-Mary Manin Morrissey 

Panic Buttons and Changes

A few weeks ago we had a visit from Aunt Lissa. During that trip I took her to Palapas for a few cocktails with a view. Tessy joined us and we ran into Dea P. one of my former teachers and my Godmother's BFF. I walked her over to meet Shawn and she brought up something about me teaching. It was a very brief conversation. Tessy and I sat down and rejoined Shawn and Aunt Lissa. 

Aunt Lissa looked at me with the Angleson stare and asked me point blank why I wasn't back in the classroom. I sighed, looked at Tessy and said that someday I will. She persisted as a good Aunt should to which Tessy blurted "Cares you need to just DO IT, get OUT THERE! It's not that big of a pay cut. I know you want to be at the High School but it's not going to just fall into your lap." I noticed Aunt Lissa give Tess a look of admiration and agreement as she sipped her T&T. "I know Tessy. I KNOW".  We moved on to another subject entirely and went about our night.

The next morning Aunt Lissa and I were in the car waiting for Shawn to come out of the house and take us to breakfast when she asked me what I had thought about Tessy's comment. I told her that it would most likely be a significant paycut but that I understood that and of course wasn't why I'd get back into teaching. She reminded me what Tessy had said about getting back into it even if it wasn't my ultimate job. It rang in my brain. I knew she was right.

Aunt Lissa left that day but something stayed with me. Two weeks ago I began looking for secondary teaching positions here in Surf City. To my utter surprise there was one. Not only was there one but it was an opening at a school Tess's mom (Aunt Linda) has many times in the past told me I'd be a fantastic fit for. In addition it is also where my previous co-teacher works. I immediately emailed my former co-teacher who seemed just as excited as I was to find the opening and called Aunt Linda to book some time for her to meet with me and write a letter of recommendation.

Now, there isn't much in this world that rocks my confidence to the core but applying for jobs is absolutely one of them. I emailed the Director of the school who promptly returned my email with an invitation to drop of my application and discuss the position with me further in two weeks time.  I got my resume, letter of introduction, credentials and letters of recommendation together.

To know me is to know that I put the cart before the horse. I call this planning. Johnny calls it my panic button. To his credit I used not be in such control of my emotions. I of course discussed this possible career change with Shawn, Winston and Oscar to all lengths. One of the biggest concerns I discussed was the fact that I had only been at my current job 11 months. A good friend of ours helped me get the job. Would this shed him in a poor light if I left so soon? I care about other people and he helped me when I needed it most. I mean, mind you I haven't even met with the director yet! Who spends all this energy worrying about things so soon? This girl.

On Tuesday I met with the director told her about myself and why I'd be a great fit. She was easy to be around and the conversation flowed quite nicely. She told me she was hoping to start interviews Friday.

Thursday I came to work to hear the office drama queen (no, it's NOT me!) yappin' too fast about something I couldn't understand. I walked by the group of people she managed to wrangle around a computer and heard "and we're ALL going to have to COMMUTE now!" I stopped in my tracks to listen further. Just before her head exploded with panic I walked away to my much more calm colleagues and quietly asked what she was going on about. Our CEO sent out an email stating that we were in fact consolidating with our Silicon Valley counterparts and moving our corporate office over the hill.

I didn't panic. I didn't blink multiple times. Instead I smiled inside. This is my way back into teaching without making anyone look bad! I was actually thrilled to have a sign. The rest of our office was in chaos as one peer looked up our new site and another booked happy hour to drown our frustrations. As the day went on I realized I still hadn't received correspondence of any kind regarding an interview. I started to think about having to commute again. One moment I was scared about commuting and the next hopeful that I'd hear back about an interview. All in the confines of my own head and teeny tiny cubicle.

I couldn't express any of this with my friends at work. To be honest I couldn't express this outside my own world. I just didn't have the words. I don't believe in coincidence, I KNOW that things happen for a reason. What I don't know is why I can't be the one to determine the reason. :-) That's just my human limitations. Without admitting it I had put all my hope into this teaching position. Everything looked like it could happen. I had some heavy artillery.  the co-teacher on my side, Aunt Linda who is a VERY prominent figure in the district and someone who has worked very closely with the Director herself. There aren't many secondary teaching positions available over here so I'll just have to remain faithful that it WILL happen. Commuting is of course an option, but one I had hoped with all hopes that I had left behind me. I told Tessy last night that I couldn't wait to see what has transpired 6 months from now and how I was so nervous to interview again. She told me interviewing was like dating in the regard that you'll always ask: "Why didn't they call? I thought it went GREAT!" And she's right. I'm sure the comparison has been made many times before but it makes sense. Here's to another round of courting. Sigh.

Stay tuned, it's an exciting time in the Anglewood household!

Love,
Cares

US Open

It's been a busy 2 weeks.

Wednesday

Shawn and I were invited to attend last Wednesday's practice round for the U.S. Open. One of his vendors had 2 extra tickets which got us into Pebble Beach, access to a private tent with unlimited food and drink and dinner to follow in Carmel. It was a gorgeous day. Absolutely gorgeous. I'll have to post some pictures later but here are some text messages sent:


blink
blink
blink

"Ummm and just how did you get your phone in missy"
Well, funny you should ask me that. My non-iPhone fits snugly in my coin purse where the nice security man failed to look. :-) This worked when Bubba wanted to sneak his actual iPhone in a couple of days later. Success!

"On our way to the US Open with one of Shawn's vendors and I'm the only girl!"
"Just lost the hubz, so where do I head? Yep. You got it! The beer cart! YESSSS!"
"Oh I just got shushed by a Marshall! DON'T MARSHALL! hahahaha!"
"P.S. It's the PRACTICE round with some amateur on the tee from Pepperdine! DON'T!"

Needless to say I made a great impression on Shawn's vendors who each said they'd have us back in a heartbeat. :-)

Friday & Saturday
Johnny and I took Mom on Friday and Shawn joined all 3 of us on Saturday. It was a completely fantastic time! It was overcast and a bit windy both days, but we didn't let that stop us. We got to see Tiger up close and that was a pretty neat thing. I can only imagine what the crowds following him would have been like if he was in good standing with his fans. It's too bad because he is really good and fun to watch.
The REAL reason we went was for Mom to see Phil Mickelson.
Now if you know Franny you know you have to sing his name and her inflection usually looks something like this:

"Phil MICK-el-sin loves his wife Johnny"
"Phil MICK-el-sin is the best Johnny"
"Phil MICK-el-sin lost a lot of weight Johnny"
"OOHHH let's go see Phil MICK-el-sin guys!"
"Look Johnny, Phil MICK-el-sin waves at his fans. Phil MICK-el-sin is a classy golfer."

My favorite line from Saturday comes from the grand stands at hole 8. We had just *seen Tiger go through for Par and wanted to post up camp to wait for Phil MICKelson who was about 5 groups behind Tiger. After Tiger moved on to the fairway on hole 9, the fans cleared out and we made our move to the top of the grandstand. About 3 groups later a sweet little thing comes walking up the stairs and sees 2 empty spots next to me and in front of Johnny. She swings her hips, flips her hair, sets her Coach bag down and plants herself next to me.
Coach bag girl: "Is that Phi Mickelson coming up?"
Cares: "Well, no he's coming in just after that group"
Coach bag girl: "Hmmm. Okay. What's he wearing?"
At this point Johnny pipes in.
Johnny: "He's wearing a blue sweater and white pants."
Coach bag girl: "OH, that's a nice outfit!"
Johnny: "Well I hope so, since I'm his stylist!"
At this point the entire group of people within earshot start cracking up. How could you not?

One of Johnny's clients generously offered up her Beach House for us all to use. UD and AL came over Saturday night for a lovely BBQ and we spent Sunday watching the rest of the Open on TV. Mom said it was her best Birthday all because of Phil MICK-el-sin

*SEEN is a very generous verb because we were seated on the first row of the bleachers and could not see over the folks napping in their power wheels. Yes, napping.

Kiddie Pool

So over on this side of the freeway, it gets much hotter. Last weekend we felt bad for our furry pup who was panting uncontrollably. We can't put in a pool for him to cool off in so we got him the next best thing:

Oh he loved crawling and splashing around and it really helped. At first he thought it was one big water dish. Once he set his front paw in he knew it was all for him!



Have a great weekend everyone! I hope it's warm enough for Winston to enjoy more of his pool!
xxoo
Cares

A Real Conversation

Cares: Okay Winston here you go into your pen, I'm off to Yoga! Be back in a bit! Love you!
Cares walks out the front door gets into her car and drives off. 
Cares:  Looks at the gas light that has gone from a lovely shade of marigold to a flashing blood red orange. Hmmm that's a weird feeling...c'mon car let's just get to the gas station. Frowns at the gas light that has gone from a lovely shade of marigold to a flashing blood red orange. We can do it!
Or not!
Cares pulling the car over one block from the house
Cares: Hmmmm yeah I don't think this is going to work. Come on car, almost home, just. a. little. bit. more.
Well at least I made it back home. I guess I better text Shawn: Hi babe, can I use the gas in the gas can for the lawn mower? I think I might run out of gas!
Shawn: NO!!!
Cares: Um why not?
Shawn: Because it's mixed with a special formula for the weed whacker*.

Blink
Blink
Blink


A SPECIAL FORMULA FOR THE WEED WHACKER? Ummm what is it? Some powerful mix of gasoline and super hero juice that not only whacks the weeds but rakes them up and gently places them into the big green compost bin? I mean how precious IS this piece of metal?

Sigh. I SUPPOSE I can relate in my own way. I just think it's adorable how he takes to things sometimes.


Shawn continued: Do you want me to pick up some gas for you?
Cares: Okay, great

The conversation continued later that evening after Shawn returned home

Cares: I've NEVER run out of gas before babe!
Shawn (smiling his chesire cat grin): I know EXACTLY what happened. Your gas light came on last night, you saw it, decided to get home from work, drive to work in the morning and get it on your way home.
As he says this he's kind of chuckling because he knows he's right. And he is!
Cares: Wellllll, yeah so then I just figured I could get home and get it on my way to Yoga! But then it started sputtering and stuff.
Shawn: Walking away shaking his head smiling his chesire cat grin.

I love my predictability. :-)

*This is the same weed whacker that took Shawn 4 hours to choose at B&B Small Engine Repair. (No Jules, NOT the bar!) Oh don't be fooled, they have all kinds of weed whacking accessories including riding mowers, gopher traps, state of the art shovels...Every adornment any Man Town would be overjoyed to store. I even overheard Shawn talking to his BFF Ramos that he could easily drop 1K every time he goes in. Um this man has a hard time dropping $50 at the market! He LOVES that place.

Winston the Terrible...

Okay, so I don't think Winston is terrible, but his reputation has been slammed pretty hard with a couple of his outbursts. And I get it.

He's big.
He's scary when he goes all Cujo.
But he's ours.

We love him and have been working with him really diligently. And believe it or not, he's incredibly sweet. We've recently been on the receiving end of some slanderous gossip regarding our pup and I think I could handle it if it were my girls talking about it amongst themselves without the presence of yours truly, but it wasn't MY girl friends but a bunch of guy friends. Yeah, I didn't expect them to sit around gossiping either. Guess it's called something else when guys do it. Whatevs. The point is the conversation ALLEGEDLY didn't only encompass our pup's behavior but "concern" for Shawn's responsibilities should Winnie actually hurt someone. Now I'm nothing if not sensitive and have been known to take things out of context.

Blink
Blink

What?

Well I guess what got me was the fact that Shawn is probably the best problem solver I've ever met and cares more about the well being of his friends and family than anyone I've ever met. Meaning, he actually loses sleep trying to figure out our situation with Winston and has stopped at nothing short of finding a trainer 4 hours away to help us. I just felt betrayed that a friend of Shawn's would ever even think he was sleeping on the job or for one minute would put anyone in a situation that was dangerous. Not only that, but say what you want about ME but he has never nor will he ever, ever say anything about you he wouldn't say to your face. He's got THAT much integrity, ESPECIALLY when it comes to these guys.

Anyway, now that I've gotten that off my chest I can move forward and let go of the bad energy I've been harboring. Mostly in my shoulders. I think a massage is in order. Y'know one of those nice Swedish ones that make you feel like you've had a lie in for hours and are so completely relaxed. Wanna go ride bikes?

So I'll leave you with a situation I recently came home to. If you haven't been to our home yet (RUDE!) then you should know that the kitchen, living and master rooms are separated from the 2 guest rooms (YEP I said 2, what's your excuse?) and garage with a breezeway. When it's raining Winston takes up camp in the hallway and garage just past the breezeway. He happily greets me with the wag swinging of his tail at the door. On this particular day I opened the door to love on him but when I looked all they way down the hall I saw this:

My jaw dropped and stuck to the ground before I could reprimand him or stop him from pridefully running to the ever-so-fun project he had started while we were away. So proud was he that he ran back to me looking like this:

Um. Yes, that IS an entire un-opened roll of paper towels in his mouth. And oh was he ever so pleased with himself. I laughed as I cleaned up the mess and couldn't WAIT to show Shawn the pictures when I got home.

I love my dog.