Well it's official. I am now a full time mama. Special shout out to the hubs who not only made the call that this move was 'best for our family' but put countdown reminders in my bag o' tricks (aka my pumping gear) all last week. My first day has been nothing short of perfect. Waking up with Bo on the weekends had become such a treat that today just felt like Sunday again.
I think of all the things I have to be grateful for, this is the biggest. Being able to quit my job and stay home is something I always wanted but didn't think I could do. I've been so incredibly blessed to have been able to rely on Granny to stay with Bo while I worked...another thing I had always dreamed of having. I was telling the hubs that it's so incredibly rare in life to be able to "plan" things and have them go exactly the way you had hoped. I haven't let a day go by without acknowledging just how blessed I am.
So what do I plan to do with my time besides taking care of the littlest love of my life? Get skinny and have a clean house duh. :-P
Here's to a new chapter in this whirlwind of a life. Happy Days!!
xo
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Mama at Work
So things are going just fine at work. My first week was probably the roughest, most emotional week I've experienced in a long while. I promised myself that I wouldn't be "that mom" who cries at her desk at work.
Blink
Blink
Blink
Yes, yes you know me so well. I was THAT mom but in my defense it was only after I had not one but TWO mamas come over to my desk at the SAME time asking "so how is it GOING?" that I lost it. At least I was in good company, right? My tears dropped down my face while they advised be about finding a "new normal" and it gets better, I PROMISE. I was so doubtful. They left and I tried to get myself together as I pretended to be REALLY busy.
Later I had to find out where I could go to pump. I was told it is California state law that my company provide a private place called a lactation room to pump. I sent facilities a message who returned my email with a phone call and very STERN "it's NOT a lactation room. We CALL IT a MOTHER'S room now."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I don't really give a rip WHAT it's called can you just tell me where it's located? Jeesh.
Turns out it's located 2 floors beneath me but I first have to check the key out from the receptionist on the first floor. Convenient, no but the law doesn't require that it be convenient. Which is fine really, I just wish it weren't as cold as a sterile hospital room in there. State law also doesn't require it be a comfortable spot as well I suppose. It's a room about the size of a hall closet with barely enough room to fit a chair facing a fridge. With my knees hitting my chest I pulled out all my pump goodies. Plug in the pump to the wall, attach the bottles to the shields, attach the bottles to the pump, put on the ever-so-lovely hands free bra and let the magic begin. It's a real racket kids. :-) It's probably the biggest commitment I've ever made physically. Plus it gets me out of work 3 times a day. What? Like sitting at a desk is soooooo important.
The only downside to the pumping besides all the traveling between floors is that the bottles we use don't fit the pump. Which brings me to this awesome giveaway on Mom Mart. She's giving away a pump that does fit our bottles. So wish me luck! And if you are my friend who's pregnant check it out and try to win one for yourself. Or don't be so selfish and let me have a greater chance of winning. Kay? :-P
Pumping is great for someone like me because I get an instant result to a task. Oh, we need 16 oz a day? Done. It's very satisfying to accomplish this. I never thought I'd feel so good about pumping. It's become second nature and sad at the same time. I mean it's just weird to think of my boobs having a JOB. Well besides the you know, obvious job our lady bits have. I try not to think about it too hard. Having a baby takes a toll on your sexuality and if it doesn't well great for you but you're a liar.
Bo's thriving and loves his bottles while secretly I wish I had an excuse to stay home with him. Not all babies take the bottle as easily and haveno freedom at all to constantly provide their boobs.
See it's finding the silver lining folks.....
Blink
Blink
Blink
Yes, yes you know me so well. I was THAT mom but in my defense it was only after I had not one but TWO mamas come over to my desk at the SAME time asking "so how is it GOING?" that I lost it. At least I was in good company, right? My tears dropped down my face while they advised be about finding a "new normal" and it gets better, I PROMISE. I was so doubtful. They left and I tried to get myself together as I pretended to be REALLY busy.
Later I had to find out where I could go to pump. I was told it is California state law that my company provide a private place called a lactation room to pump. I sent facilities a message who returned my email with a phone call and very STERN "it's NOT a lactation room. We CALL IT a MOTHER'S room now."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I don't really give a rip WHAT it's called can you just tell me where it's located? Jeesh.
Turns out it's located 2 floors beneath me but I first have to check the key out from the receptionist on the first floor. Convenient, no but the law doesn't require that it be convenient. Which is fine really, I just wish it weren't as cold as a sterile hospital room in there. State law also doesn't require it be a comfortable spot as well I suppose. It's a room about the size of a hall closet with barely enough room to fit a chair facing a fridge. With my knees hitting my chest I pulled out all my pump goodies. Plug in the pump to the wall, attach the bottles to the shields, attach the bottles to the pump, put on the ever-so-lovely hands free bra and let the magic begin. It's a real racket kids. :-) It's probably the biggest commitment I've ever made physically. Plus it gets me out of work 3 times a day. What? Like sitting at a desk is soooooo important.
The only downside to the pumping besides all the traveling between floors is that the bottles we use don't fit the pump. Which brings me to this awesome giveaway on Mom Mart. She's giving away a pump that does fit our bottles. So wish me luck! And if you are my friend who's pregnant check it out and try to win one for yourself. Or don't be so selfish and let me have a greater chance of winning. Kay? :-P
Pumping is great for someone like me because I get an instant result to a task. Oh, we need 16 oz a day? Done. It's very satisfying to accomplish this. I never thought I'd feel so good about pumping. It's become second nature and sad at the same time. I mean it's just weird to think of my boobs having a JOB. Well besides the you know, obvious job our lady bits have. I try not to think about it too hard. Having a baby takes a toll on your sexuality and if it doesn't well great for you but you're a liar.
Bo's thriving and loves his bottles while secretly I wish I had an excuse to stay home with him. Not all babies take the bottle as easily and have
See it's finding the silver lining folks.....
Friday, September 2, 2011
Wow...
Okay so it's been WAY too long. :-( Here's a quick recap of events lately:
We took a vacation to Pismo last week for one last hurrah before I go back to work next week. Yay for Pismo BOO for going back to work. It was so great to get out of town and Bo had a blast. We took him swimming for the first time and he loved it. He was super tired after splashing all around and watching the big kids. The hubs and I talked about crashing the two weddings taking place but lost our nerve at the last minute. Bo would have made a fantastic ring bearer. :-)
I've updated our Flickr site with a few pics of Bo in his swim trunks. What a chunk!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/careblackwood/sets/72157627261602800/
Bo's been growing a ton and laughing a little more every day. His activities of late are putting toys in his mouth and watching Winston. I'm pretty sure he's going to grow up thinking his dog's name is "OFF! NOW!". Mama's activities lately are attending the new mom's breastfeeding group at Dominican and doing the whole "ladies who lunch" afterward with our brood. It's been a life saver having so much support in Surf City. I'm also still signing up daily for any free giveaways I can. Speaking of which, Tommee Tippee is giving away a free something-or-other and I get 3, yes 3 entries for mentioning it here! http://www.whyclothdiaper.com/?p=497 How fun is that?
Speaking of cloth diapers, yes, we're still using them and the diaper service is AWESOME. The hubs is over it though and since he has the night shift I don't mind. He can wrap that babe up in whatever he wants at 2AM. Kay?
I am mostly living in a land of bliss and adoration of my little guy. It's been an amazing time and I'm enjoying every second. It's hard to imagine how much has changed in the last 4 months, and I could never imagined how grateful and honored I am every day. In fact, I'm such a sap that as I was watching the MTV Video awards ( a day late; thanks DVR!!) I completely lost it and began bawling like a baby when Beyonce finished her song to reveal and rub her belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I say? I've definitely found a new appreciation for pregnancy.
I'll leave you for now with what I think is one of the funniest exchanges my hubs and I have had in the last week.
Scene: Care in the bathtub with Bo holding him face up with his bum and back lying flat in the water. Hubs is sitting next to the tub reading a print out of some new process at work. Bo is flailing his chubby arms hitting himself in the chest.
Care: HA! This is hilarious! Look babe he's hitting his chest with his own arms!
Babe! Look!
The hubs looks up for a brief moment and smiles. Bo continues to pound his own chest.
Care: HA! He looks like godzilla babe! Seriously! Look! He's Godzilla!
Hubs: reading his paperwork You mean King Kong.
Care: Haha look at him he's gettin' real wild now! Oh whatever, King Kong, Godzilla, same diff!
Hubs: still not looking up from his work Godzilla was a lizard. You mean King Kong because he's the ape.
I don't know why I laughed so hard, I think it was because he never looked up or missed a beat. And Godzilla IS a lot different than King Kong. I mean how is a lizard gonna have arms/digits WHATEVER long enough to pound his own chest.
Maybe you had to be there.....
We took a vacation to Pismo last week for one last hurrah before I go back to work next week. Yay for Pismo BOO for going back to work. It was so great to get out of town and Bo had a blast. We took him swimming for the first time and he loved it. He was super tired after splashing all around and watching the big kids. The hubs and I talked about crashing the two weddings taking place but lost our nerve at the last minute. Bo would have made a fantastic ring bearer. :-)
I've updated our Flickr site with a few pics of Bo in his swim trunks. What a chunk!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/careblackwood/sets/72157627261602800/
Bo's been growing a ton and laughing a little more every day. His activities of late are putting toys in his mouth and watching Winston. I'm pretty sure he's going to grow up thinking his dog's name is "OFF! NOW!". Mama's activities lately are attending the new mom's breastfeeding group at Dominican and doing the whole "ladies who lunch" afterward with our brood. It's been a life saver having so much support in Surf City. I'm also still signing up daily for any free giveaways I can. Speaking of which, Tommee Tippee is giving away a free something-or-other and I get 3, yes 3 entries for mentioning it here! http://www.whyclothdiaper.com/?p=497 How fun is that?
Speaking of cloth diapers, yes, we're still using them and the diaper service is AWESOME. The hubs is over it though and since he has the night shift I don't mind. He can wrap that babe up in whatever he wants at 2AM. Kay?
I am mostly living in a land of bliss and adoration of my little guy. It's been an amazing time and I'm enjoying every second. It's hard to imagine how much has changed in the last 4 months, and I could never imagined how grateful and honored I am every day. In fact, I'm such a sap that as I was watching the MTV Video awards ( a day late; thanks DVR!!) I completely lost it and began bawling like a baby when Beyonce finished her song to reveal and rub her belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I say? I've definitely found a new appreciation for pregnancy.
I'll leave you for now with what I think is one of the funniest exchanges my hubs and I have had in the last week.
Scene: Care in the bathtub with Bo holding him face up with his bum and back lying flat in the water. Hubs is sitting next to the tub reading a print out of some new process at work. Bo is flailing his chubby arms hitting himself in the chest.
Care: HA! This is hilarious! Look babe he's hitting his chest with his own arms!
Babe! Look!
The hubs looks up for a brief moment and smiles. Bo continues to pound his own chest.
Care: HA! He looks like godzilla babe! Seriously! Look! He's Godzilla!
Hubs: reading his paperwork You mean King Kong.
Care: Haha look at him he's gettin' real wild now! Oh whatever, King Kong, Godzilla, same diff!
Hubs: still not looking up from his work Godzilla was a lizard. You mean King Kong because he's the ape.
I don't know why I laughed so hard, I think it was because he never looked up or missed a beat. And Godzilla IS a lot different than King Kong. I mean how is a lizard gonna have arms/digits WHATEVER long enough to pound his own chest.
Maybe you had to be there.....
Thursday, July 14, 2011
P.S.
I worked pretty hard on Bo's birthing playlist. In case you were wondering he was born to "Sweet Disposition" by Temper Trap and was given to me during "Good Life" by OneRepublic. Very fitting.
Sweet Disposition
Good Life
Sweet Disposition
Good Life
Birth Story Part 2
Thursday May 5, 2011 was my best day.
We had gotten to bed pretty early the night before but were awfully giggly knowing I would be going in the next morning to be induced. We finished packing the bag and placed it in the car and got the dogs prepared for school (Winston) and for babysitting (Oscar). We allowed both of them to sleep in the bed for the last time and made sure they had special food for dinner. The hubs picked out a couple of baby blankets to bring with us to get the baby's smell on so he could deliver them to Winston while he was at school. The hubs was a teeny bit concerned about how Winston would do with the new baby and wanted to get him used to the smell of the baby before we were all home.
I attribute the night before my induction to the night before our wedding. It was filled with every emotion I could probably feel. I was anxious and excited, nervous and ready. The hubs set the alarm for 6 but I think we had both been dozing in and out of sleep all night and were up before the alarm went off. I took a shower, blew out my hair (for what I thought would be the last time in a LONG time) and even put on some makeup. :-) Of course this takes me much longer than usual with a 10 month grown baby slowing me down, so we didn't walk out of the house until quarter to 8.
Our appointment was at 8 and traffic in SC county is a joke between half past 7 and 10AM. On the way I mentioned how bad I felt that we didn't have anything for the nurses. It was our last time going in to see them after all of our weekly Non-Stress Tests and we loved bringing them breakfast. I knew we were late since we still had to drop off Winston but smiled a great big grin when the hubs got off the freeway one exit early. I knew what he was going for: bagels. Oh, and not just ANY bagels, but THE BAGELRY bagels. They're a local bagel joint known for their fantastic bagels and schmear. Needless to say we were going to be really late. 40 minutes late to be exact.
As we pulled into the valet parking line (Oh, yeah we're THAT posh at my hospital!) Dog Days came on my playlist and I got to have a sweet text conversation with my soul mate before going in. I turned it up and let the baby hear it one more time in utero while the hubs unloaded the car. It felt like we were on vacation and were getting ready to check into the most luxurious hotel on Kauai. We were both grinning ear to ear when we saw our good friend Megan and her sister walking our way. Their mom had been admitted to the same hospital and they were diligently visiting her when we got there. It was kind of special to know that while we of course wished Margaret was NOT at the hospital, Megan was just a few hallways down. She has been one of our biggest cheerleaders; first when we got engaged then married and now pregnant. There's something to be said for the friends in your life you know are GENUINELY happy for you and Megan is one of those friends.
Wow that took a LONG time to describe us getting from home to the hospital. ;-)
Anyhow, we finally walk in the hospital and I hear the hubs say "Hi Franny!" I could feel the panic hit my face. She had sent me a text asking what time I went in that morning and I told her 8 AM and that I would call her at noon when she was off work to update her and have her come then. I was half ecstatic to see her and half not.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I know I sound like an awful daughter right about now, but hear me out. Franny is one of the most positive people you'll EVER know. BUT she is also kind of fearful of the things she doesn't know much about. Like inductions. "Well, YOU were 3 weeks late Cares. Doctors just didn't force things back then. I don't know why they have to INDUCE" is what she has repeatedly said to me. I had to prep her from the very beginning of my pregnancy for this day when the doctor found Bo's double vessel cord. She warned us we probably wouldn't make it past 38 weeks without requiring and induction and here we were 4 days past my due date! Long story short, I was nervous that Franny and her VERY vocal opinions would cause stress in the labor room. I did my best to put on my poker face and the three of us headed in to be admitted.
We headed to the nurses station and found Dr. Taylor playing the frog version of angry birds. :-) I TOLD you I had the best doctor. We dropped of the bagels and waited for my room assignment.
Jill had seen us the Sunday prior for my last NST and greeted us. The first words out of her mouth were: "oh I'm so sorry but I'm not your nurse today, BUT you'll be with Karen and you'll be just fine". I didn't take this to mean anything at the time but looking back I think it was her way of knowing she was a better nurse than Karen. Okay not better, DIFFERENT. Looking back it almost seemed like a disclaimer of sorts. And it made sense. Karen was great, don't get me wrong but once I had the chance to compare her to the other nurses she was just more checked out than the others. Kind of detached. Not mean or anything but just "there". She blew a vessel putting in my IV lock which still hurts today. :-/ I found out those are pretty common but MAN DOES IT HURT!
This is the part of the story that gets a bit graphic so go on carefully. :-)
By 10AM it was time to begin the induction. I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced when Nurse Ratched very aggressively inserted the cervadil. Yipes. We were told it takes 12 hours for the cervadil to slowly work in the body so we 3 settled in and waited. Ellen was on, the hubs went for coffee and Nurse Ratched entered in notes to the computer. "Don't Stop Believin'" came on my Pandora station and so what else would I do? You guessed it. Air guitar. The hubs just looked up from his paper and shook his head with a big grin. I mean who plays the air guitar during early labor? I do. :-)
By noon contractions were kicking in pretty hard. So much for a 12 hour period! I was walking around trying all kinds of different positions but mostly it felt like I needed to be on the toilet relieving myself. I wasn't really expecting that feeling but I just had to go with it. Then I began to get cold. REALLY cold. Shivering, can't get warm kind of cold. I put on socks, slippers and 2 blankets. Jill came in to check on me and brought in the reclining chair from another room. The pain was starting. The contractions began coming one on top of the other and I couldn't find a comfortable position. What Megan Bunch DIDN'T tell me was that sometimes you can't FIND a comfortable position. It was time to start talking about pain meds. Nurse Ratched inserted something into my IV and I felt a little better. For about an hour. Then it started up all over again so I got a little more. That wore off in 30 minutes and Nurse Ratched just sat at the computer entering notes. I don't know what I expected her to do but by that time a shift change was about to take place and in walked Nurse Sue and Nurse Louise. The energy in the room immediately shifted. They walked in and I just KNEW I was going to be alright.
Sue and Louise had already seen my chart and knew these contractions were just ridiculous and that I was in pain. "Okay let's give a higher dose of fentanyl."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I looked at Nurse Ratched and almost threw up. I mean HELLLOOO! I was in too much pain to do anything but thank her over and over even though I was incredibly relieved that her shift was up.
The fentanyl wore off fairly quickly and it was time to talk Epidural. Nurse Louise came in and let me know that I wasn't quite dilated enough but that my doctor had to come in to check me and give the go ahead. She also warned us that the anesthesiologist was in the OR due to an emergency and wouldn't be available for a long time.
GULP
But, she also said they'd call the anesthesiologist on call.
PHEW!
What I remember today about the hardest part of my labor was my mom sitting at the foot of the bed continually rubbing my feet and calves making me comfortable and my hubs on my left side breathing with me, looking me in the eye and connecting in a way we've never experienced. Sure I was in pain, but looking back it was a pretty amazing time.
While we waited for my doctor and my cervix to dilate, I had to practice what I'd learn in class and how to manage my pain and not give in to the fear and pain. Thinking back I'm pretty proud of myself. I only remember going to that deep dark place twice and the first time I was able to get myself back. I knew once I let the "I can't do this" thought take over it would be bad. Really bad. So as my mind started to veer off into the negativity I just closed my eyes and decided to focus on breathing. Because I really didn't have any other choice. The second time went like this:
Me: "whoooo haaaaaaa whooooo haaaa"
rolling over to my left side
"I CAN'T do this. I'm not going to be ABLE to do this"
Nurse Louise: not looking up from her computer entry "Okay sweetie, ya wanna just pack it in and go home now?"
The hubs looked at me with eyes as big as the moon yet all I could do was keep breathing. I hated Nurse Louise.
But she was right. And we all knew it. Even though I still stood up, straightened my gown walked straight to her sitting at that damn computer and slapped her across the face.
Okay so that didn't happen in real life. But it sure as shit did in my imagination. I mean, honestly!
Around 5PM in walks Dr. Percivil. I swear when he entered the room there was a holy choir humming and a light of angels all around him. He may have even been walking on air, I'm not totally sure. But all I know is I speak for my hubs and my mom and Nurse Louise that we were ALL happy to see him. Dr. Percivil is a handsome man in his late 50s early 60s maybe. He was wearing pressed khaki pants a black collared golf shirt and black dress shoes. Sharp dresser for an on call deal.
When it came time for the epidural I don't remember being nervous. I think it helped tremendously that we had gone through the birthing classes that explained how it all worked. I wasn't even scared of the needle. :)
Can I tell you how fast the epidural kicked in? WOW. I was able to talk and laugh and be myself again. Dr. Percivil stayed for a good hour as I thanked him endlessly.
Did I say "thanked"? I meant rambled
Me: Dr. Percivil? That's your name? Did you know that Percivil is from Greek Mythology? You're like a God.
Dr. Percivil: Uh no, I think you meant King Arthur. Percivil was one of the knights...."
Me: Yeah, that's what I said! Well, I feel great. Mom, don't I LOOK better? Dr. Percivil, do you drink? MOM go get him a margarita! It's cinco de mayo! No, seriously Dr. Percivil, as soon as I'm done here we're taking you to dinner. I feel GREAT! Are you married? you are? Does your wife know how awesome you are? I hope she knows! You think YOU'RE the lucky one? Oh wow. Is SHE an anesthesiologist too? Wait, you're taking her WHERE? AWWW Babe, he's taking her to MAUI! Dr. Percivil, we LOVE Maui! My best friend got married there, at the Fairmont Kai Lani! That's where YOU'RE staying? WOW I really hope your wife knows what a catch you are.
Then he and mom got on to talking about Apple products and I think by then they decided to finally gag me.
Shortly after the epidural was in I felt some sort of prick in my lower left back side. I begged the hubs to look and all he and Nurse Louise saw was the tape holding the epidural in and that had to stay put. But it wasn't topical. It felt like something was poking me. But no one could find anything. As time went on we finally realized that the pain came with each contraction. I don't know when it happened but it was determined that this part of my body was not numbed. We tried to turn me onto my left side to try and drain the epidural to that spot but the baby's heart rate quickly dropped. At the time I didn't realize it but now that I remember, Nurse Louise had a very serious expression on her face as she put the oxygen mask on me. It wouldn't come off until the baby was born.
Soon it was time for Nurse Louise to go home.
Me: Please stay, please please PLEASE!
Nurse Louise: Well I can stay but my shift is over and I won't be on the clock
Me: Well I don't want you to not be paid but I also don't want you to leave. But you should go home and be with your family. Thank you for everything and I really, REALLY mean it.
Nurse Louise left but she did call after the baby was born to check in on us. It was pretty special.
So you may be nervous about yet another shift change. But don't be. I don't even remember Nurse Louise leaving because in came Melissa. Melissa is adorable and not much older than me. She came in as if she had been there all day. She tried to help drain the epdiural by turning me on my left side but again the baby's heart rate dropped:
Melissa: Okay, Shawn you hold this and press the button to release more meds when I give the word. Care, you turn on your side okay?
Me: Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that for the past 2 hours I could have been pressing this little button for more meds? I mean seriously?
Both Melissa and the hubs got that annoying serious tone instructing me not to. Whatevs.
We had to immediately turn back over once the baby's heart rate dropped but by then I was just about fully dilated and ready to push.
I looked at the hubs with great big eyes as they started taking the bed apart, turning on the heat light and prepping the newborn nurses.
"Are you ready?" I asked him with a big grin and excited smile.
Melissa showed me how to hold behind my legs and how to breath while I pushed. The amazing silver lining to the un-numbed area was that I was feeling the contractions and would be able to push on my own without requiring the nurses to rely on the machine to tell us. I was able to get the best of both a natural child birth and an epidural. Mostly epidural, yes. But I am so thankful for the experience to know when to push.
I pushed for about an hour making jokes and doing my best to rest in between pushing. It was important to rest because after my first round of pushing Dr. Taylor looked up at me and said there was a big chance she'd need to bring out the vacuum. She went over the side effects and how rare they were. I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, through the oxygyn mask I said "Dr. Taylor. I trust you IMPLICITLY but my baby isn't going to need that. We just made a deal."
And my baby didn't need that.
The energy coming from my hubs, Melissa and Karen my nurses and Dr. Taylor was so positive and so invigorating. After every push I had them all cheering me on telling me what a great job I was doing. It was the most amazing hour of my life. And the biggest rush. I was able to ENJOY my delivery. We were laughing and crying and joking all throughout when finally I felt the baby's head, shoulders and body enter this world. I'll never in my life forget that feeling. Ever.
I squealed with joy begging the hubs to tell me, tell me, TELL ME if we had a boy or a girl. Begging so much that I actually annoyed my own self. He was waiting for the doctor to finish up. Finish up untying the cord which had wrapped around the baby's head twice and body once. No one of course told me any of this was going on and I was in such a heightened version of reality that I had no clue. Except that I couldn't hear the baby crying. Why wasn't the baby crying? And did I have a girl or a boy?
The hubs finally leaned over with glassy eyes and a smile as big as his face and whispered "we have a boy". I lost it. I leaned into him and bawled my eyes out growing so impatient to hold him.
The baby wasn't crying because he had swallowed some meconium and they needed to clean out his lungs first. Once I heard that sweet voice for the first time I lost it all over again. I longed to hold him and see him. It wasn't long before they brought him over to me and let us bond skin to skin. Just like those videos Megan Bunch showed us he found his own way to my breast and attempted to latch on. It was incredible. I never believed it would happen but it had. Before my very own eyes. He hasn't stopped eating since!
Melissa took my sweet baby over to the newborn station in our room and let his nurse clean him up. When she brought him back to me, she helped him latch on again and offered to find me something to eat. It was the best bowl of raisin bran I've ever eaten in my life. I'm not even kidding. I inhaled that cereal like Winston shark attacking his rawhide.
We took in some family but were obviously incredibly exhausted. By the time we were moved to our recovery suite it was well past midnight and we were all beat. Bo slept most of the night like they said he would.
I know this post has been incredibly long, so in short Bo was the best thing I've ever done. May 5, 2011 was my best day.
We had gotten to bed pretty early the night before but were awfully giggly knowing I would be going in the next morning to be induced. We finished packing the bag and placed it in the car and got the dogs prepared for school (Winston) and for babysitting (Oscar). We allowed both of them to sleep in the bed for the last time and made sure they had special food for dinner. The hubs picked out a couple of baby blankets to bring with us to get the baby's smell on so he could deliver them to Winston while he was at school. The hubs was a teeny bit concerned about how Winston would do with the new baby and wanted to get him used to the smell of the baby before we were all home.
I attribute the night before my induction to the night before our wedding. It was filled with every emotion I could probably feel. I was anxious and excited, nervous and ready. The hubs set the alarm for 6 but I think we had both been dozing in and out of sleep all night and were up before the alarm went off. I took a shower, blew out my hair (for what I thought would be the last time in a LONG time) and even put on some makeup. :-) Of course this takes me much longer than usual with a 10 month grown baby slowing me down, so we didn't walk out of the house until quarter to 8.
Our appointment was at 8 and traffic in SC county is a joke between half past 7 and 10AM. On the way I mentioned how bad I felt that we didn't have anything for the nurses. It was our last time going in to see them after all of our weekly Non-Stress Tests and we loved bringing them breakfast. I knew we were late since we still had to drop off Winston but smiled a great big grin when the hubs got off the freeway one exit early. I knew what he was going for: bagels. Oh, and not just ANY bagels, but THE BAGELRY bagels. They're a local bagel joint known for their fantastic bagels and schmear. Needless to say we were going to be really late. 40 minutes late to be exact.
As we pulled into the valet parking line (Oh, yeah we're THAT posh at my hospital!) Dog Days came on my playlist and I got to have a sweet text conversation with my soul mate before going in. I turned it up and let the baby hear it one more time in utero while the hubs unloaded the car. It felt like we were on vacation and were getting ready to check into the most luxurious hotel on Kauai. We were both grinning ear to ear when we saw our good friend Megan and her sister walking our way. Their mom had been admitted to the same hospital and they were diligently visiting her when we got there. It was kind of special to know that while we of course wished Margaret was NOT at the hospital, Megan was just a few hallways down. She has been one of our biggest cheerleaders; first when we got engaged then married and now pregnant. There's something to be said for the friends in your life you know are GENUINELY happy for you and Megan is one of those friends.
Wow that took a LONG time to describe us getting from home to the hospital. ;-)
Anyhow, we finally walk in the hospital and I hear the hubs say "Hi Franny!" I could feel the panic hit my face. She had sent me a text asking what time I went in that morning and I told her 8 AM and that I would call her at noon when she was off work to update her and have her come then. I was half ecstatic to see her and half not.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I know I sound like an awful daughter right about now, but hear me out. Franny is one of the most positive people you'll EVER know. BUT she is also kind of fearful of the things she doesn't know much about. Like inductions. "Well, YOU were 3 weeks late Cares. Doctors just didn't force things back then. I don't know why they have to INDUCE" is what she has repeatedly said to me. I had to prep her from the very beginning of my pregnancy for this day when the doctor found Bo's double vessel cord. She warned us we probably wouldn't make it past 38 weeks without requiring and induction and here we were 4 days past my due date! Long story short, I was nervous that Franny and her VERY vocal opinions would cause stress in the labor room. I did my best to put on my poker face and the three of us headed in to be admitted.
We headed to the nurses station and found Dr. Taylor playing the frog version of angry birds. :-) I TOLD you I had the best doctor. We dropped of the bagels and waited for my room assignment.
Jill had seen us the Sunday prior for my last NST and greeted us. The first words out of her mouth were: "oh I'm so sorry but I'm not your nurse today, BUT you'll be with Karen and you'll be just fine". I didn't take this to mean anything at the time but looking back I think it was her way of knowing she was a better nurse than Karen. Okay not better, DIFFERENT. Looking back it almost seemed like a disclaimer of sorts. And it made sense. Karen was great, don't get me wrong but once I had the chance to compare her to the other nurses she was just more checked out than the others. Kind of detached. Not mean or anything but just "there". She blew a vessel putting in my IV lock which still hurts today. :-/ I found out those are pretty common but MAN DOES IT HURT!
This is the part of the story that gets a bit graphic so go on carefully. :-)
By 10AM it was time to begin the induction. I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced when Nurse Ratched very aggressively inserted the cervadil. Yipes. We were told it takes 12 hours for the cervadil to slowly work in the body so we 3 settled in and waited. Ellen was on, the hubs went for coffee and Nurse Ratched entered in notes to the computer. "Don't Stop Believin'" came on my Pandora station and so what else would I do? You guessed it. Air guitar. The hubs just looked up from his paper and shook his head with a big grin. I mean who plays the air guitar during early labor? I do. :-)
By noon contractions were kicking in pretty hard. So much for a 12 hour period! I was walking around trying all kinds of different positions but mostly it felt like I needed to be on the toilet relieving myself. I wasn't really expecting that feeling but I just had to go with it. Then I began to get cold. REALLY cold. Shivering, can't get warm kind of cold. I put on socks, slippers and 2 blankets. Jill came in to check on me and brought in the reclining chair from another room. The pain was starting. The contractions began coming one on top of the other and I couldn't find a comfortable position. What Megan Bunch DIDN'T tell me was that sometimes you can't FIND a comfortable position. It was time to start talking about pain meds. Nurse Ratched inserted something into my IV and I felt a little better. For about an hour. Then it started up all over again so I got a little more. That wore off in 30 minutes and Nurse Ratched just sat at the computer entering notes. I don't know what I expected her to do but by that time a shift change was about to take place and in walked Nurse Sue and Nurse Louise. The energy in the room immediately shifted. They walked in and I just KNEW I was going to be alright.
Sue and Louise had already seen my chart and knew these contractions were just ridiculous and that I was in pain. "Okay let's give a higher dose of fentanyl."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I looked at Nurse Ratched and almost threw up. I mean HELLLOOO! I was in too much pain to do anything but thank her over and over even though I was incredibly relieved that her shift was up.
The fentanyl wore off fairly quickly and it was time to talk Epidural. Nurse Louise came in and let me know that I wasn't quite dilated enough but that my doctor had to come in to check me and give the go ahead. She also warned us that the anesthesiologist was in the OR due to an emergency and wouldn't be available for a long time.
GULP
But, she also said they'd call the anesthesiologist on call.
PHEW!
What I remember today about the hardest part of my labor was my mom sitting at the foot of the bed continually rubbing my feet and calves making me comfortable and my hubs on my left side breathing with me, looking me in the eye and connecting in a way we've never experienced. Sure I was in pain, but looking back it was a pretty amazing time.
While we waited for my doctor and my cervix to dilate, I had to practice what I'd learn in class and how to manage my pain and not give in to the fear and pain. Thinking back I'm pretty proud of myself. I only remember going to that deep dark place twice and the first time I was able to get myself back. I knew once I let the "I can't do this" thought take over it would be bad. Really bad. So as my mind started to veer off into the negativity I just closed my eyes and decided to focus on breathing. Because I really didn't have any other choice. The second time went like this:
Me: "whoooo haaaaaaa whooooo haaaa"
rolling over to my left side
"I CAN'T do this. I'm not going to be ABLE to do this"
Nurse Louise: not looking up from her computer entry "Okay sweetie, ya wanna just pack it in and go home now?"
The hubs looked at me with eyes as big as the moon yet all I could do was keep breathing. I hated Nurse Louise.
But she was right. And we all knew it. Even though I still stood up, straightened my gown walked straight to her sitting at that damn computer and slapped her across the face.
Okay so that didn't happen in real life. But it sure as shit did in my imagination. I mean, honestly!
Around 5PM in walks Dr. Percivil. I swear when he entered the room there was a holy choir humming and a light of angels all around him. He may have even been walking on air, I'm not totally sure. But all I know is I speak for my hubs and my mom and Nurse Louise that we were ALL happy to see him. Dr. Percivil is a handsome man in his late 50s early 60s maybe. He was wearing pressed khaki pants a black collared golf shirt and black dress shoes. Sharp dresser for an on call deal.
When it came time for the epidural I don't remember being nervous. I think it helped tremendously that we had gone through the birthing classes that explained how it all worked. I wasn't even scared of the needle. :)
Can I tell you how fast the epidural kicked in? WOW. I was able to talk and laugh and be myself again. Dr. Percivil stayed for a good hour as I thanked him endlessly.
Did I say "thanked"? I meant rambled
Me: Dr. Percivil? That's your name? Did you know that Percivil is from Greek Mythology? You're like a God.
Dr. Percivil: Uh no, I think you meant King Arthur. Percivil was one of the knights...."
Me: Yeah, that's what I said! Well, I feel great. Mom, don't I LOOK better? Dr. Percivil, do you drink? MOM go get him a margarita! It's cinco de mayo! No, seriously Dr. Percivil, as soon as I'm done here we're taking you to dinner. I feel GREAT! Are you married? you are? Does your wife know how awesome you are? I hope she knows! You think YOU'RE the lucky one? Oh wow. Is SHE an anesthesiologist too? Wait, you're taking her WHERE? AWWW Babe, he's taking her to MAUI! Dr. Percivil, we LOVE Maui! My best friend got married there, at the Fairmont Kai Lani! That's where YOU'RE staying? WOW I really hope your wife knows what a catch you are.
Then he and mom got on to talking about Apple products and I think by then they decided to finally gag me.
Shortly after the epidural was in I felt some sort of prick in my lower left back side. I begged the hubs to look and all he and Nurse Louise saw was the tape holding the epidural in and that had to stay put. But it wasn't topical. It felt like something was poking me. But no one could find anything. As time went on we finally realized that the pain came with each contraction. I don't know when it happened but it was determined that this part of my body was not numbed. We tried to turn me onto my left side to try and drain the epidural to that spot but the baby's heart rate quickly dropped. At the time I didn't realize it but now that I remember, Nurse Louise had a very serious expression on her face as she put the oxygen mask on me. It wouldn't come off until the baby was born.
Soon it was time for Nurse Louise to go home.
Me: Please stay, please please PLEASE!
Nurse Louise: Well I can stay but my shift is over and I won't be on the clock
Me: Well I don't want you to not be paid but I also don't want you to leave. But you should go home and be with your family. Thank you for everything and I really, REALLY mean it.
Nurse Louise left but she did call after the baby was born to check in on us. It was pretty special.
So you may be nervous about yet another shift change. But don't be. I don't even remember Nurse Louise leaving because in came Melissa. Melissa is adorable and not much older than me. She came in as if she had been there all day. She tried to help drain the epdiural by turning me on my left side but again the baby's heart rate dropped:
Melissa: Okay, Shawn you hold this and press the button to release more meds when I give the word. Care, you turn on your side okay?
Me: Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that for the past 2 hours I could have been pressing this little button for more meds? I mean seriously?
Both Melissa and the hubs got that annoying serious tone instructing me not to. Whatevs.
We had to immediately turn back over once the baby's heart rate dropped but by then I was just about fully dilated and ready to push.
I looked at the hubs with great big eyes as they started taking the bed apart, turning on the heat light and prepping the newborn nurses.
"Are you ready?" I asked him with a big grin and excited smile.
Melissa showed me how to hold behind my legs and how to breath while I pushed. The amazing silver lining to the un-numbed area was that I was feeling the contractions and would be able to push on my own without requiring the nurses to rely on the machine to tell us. I was able to get the best of both a natural child birth and an epidural. Mostly epidural, yes. But I am so thankful for the experience to know when to push.
I pushed for about an hour making jokes and doing my best to rest in between pushing. It was important to rest because after my first round of pushing Dr. Taylor looked up at me and said there was a big chance she'd need to bring out the vacuum. She went over the side effects and how rare they were. I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, through the oxygyn mask I said "Dr. Taylor. I trust you IMPLICITLY but my baby isn't going to need that. We just made a deal."
And my baby didn't need that.
The energy coming from my hubs, Melissa and Karen my nurses and Dr. Taylor was so positive and so invigorating. After every push I had them all cheering me on telling me what a great job I was doing. It was the most amazing hour of my life. And the biggest rush. I was able to ENJOY my delivery. We were laughing and crying and joking all throughout when finally I felt the baby's head, shoulders and body enter this world. I'll never in my life forget that feeling. Ever.
I squealed with joy begging the hubs to tell me, tell me, TELL ME if we had a boy or a girl. Begging so much that I actually annoyed my own self. He was waiting for the doctor to finish up. Finish up untying the cord which had wrapped around the baby's head twice and body once. No one of course told me any of this was going on and I was in such a heightened version of reality that I had no clue. Except that I couldn't hear the baby crying. Why wasn't the baby crying? And did I have a girl or a boy?
The hubs finally leaned over with glassy eyes and a smile as big as his face and whispered "we have a boy". I lost it. I leaned into him and bawled my eyes out growing so impatient to hold him.
The baby wasn't crying because he had swallowed some meconium and they needed to clean out his lungs first. Once I heard that sweet voice for the first time I lost it all over again. I longed to hold him and see him. It wasn't long before they brought him over to me and let us bond skin to skin. Just like those videos Megan Bunch showed us he found his own way to my breast and attempted to latch on. It was incredible. I never believed it would happen but it had. Before my very own eyes. He hasn't stopped eating since!
Melissa took my sweet baby over to the newborn station in our room and let his nurse clean him up. When she brought him back to me, she helped him latch on again and offered to find me something to eat. It was the best bowl of raisin bran I've ever eaten in my life. I'm not even kidding. I inhaled that cereal like Winston shark attacking his rawhide.
We took in some family but were obviously incredibly exhausted. By the time we were moved to our recovery suite it was well past midnight and we were all beat. Bo slept most of the night like they said he would.
I know this post has been incredibly long, so in short Bo was the best thing I've ever done. May 5, 2011 was my best day.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Ergo Baby Carrier Giveaway
So I know I have like, 3 of you who read my blog. :-) BUT if any of you know of anyone with babies, about to have babies or just want to fill up your hope chest, this blog I found recently is giving away an Ergo baby carrier.
The ever so amazing Megan Bunch talked to us about how so many nowadays keep their babies in the car seat carrier deal on the ground versus "wearing" their baby so that the babes might be able to get a real view of life. Of course this triggered me to vow to ALWAYS wear my baby. What? Yeah so I've been pretty good about it because he loves to be so close and it is easier to have my hands free but there are times he chills in his seat and we're all okay with that. :-)
Anyhow, I've got a moby wrap, which I absolutely love but am in the running to win an ergo carrier which will allow sweet baby Bo to see the world from way up high while we're out on our walks and just out and about. Here's the link in case you'd like to forward it on or win one for yourself.
http://www.uniquelynormalmom.com/2011/06/ergobaby-carrier-review-giveaway.html
I'm working on part 2 of my birth story and updates on Bo. He laughed for Shawn for the first time on Friday and I've heard that a fairy is born when a baby first laughs. I believe it to be true because Bo's been staring up in the sky and smiling more than usual lately. Such a sweet babe.
Lots of love,
Cares
The ever so amazing Megan Bunch talked to us about how so many nowadays keep their babies in the car seat carrier deal on the ground versus "wearing" their baby so that the babes might be able to get a real view of life. Of course this triggered me to vow to ALWAYS wear my baby. What? Yeah so I've been pretty good about it because he loves to be so close and it is easier to have my hands free but there are times he chills in his seat and we're all okay with that. :-)
Anyhow, I've got a moby wrap, which I absolutely love but am in the running to win an ergo carrier which will allow sweet baby Bo to see the world from way up high while we're out on our walks and just out and about. Here's the link in case you'd like to forward it on or win one for yourself.
http://www.uniquelynormalmom.com/2011/06/ergobaby-carrier-review-giveaway.html
I'm working on part 2 of my birth story and updates on Bo. He laughed for Shawn for the first time on Friday and I've heard that a fairy is born when a baby first laughs. I believe it to be true because Bo's been staring up in the sky and smiling more than usual lately. Such a sweet babe.
Lots of love,
Cares
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Bo's Birth Story Part 1
Every woman who has given birth has a birth story and feels the need to share it. I'm no different in that regard but hope that my story might help another soon to be mama. Before I was pregnant I never really paid much attention to birth stories. I never watched "A Baby Story" or any other reality shows of the kind. I unfortunately only had Hollywood and a few of my girlfriends' stories to go off of.
Of all of my girlfriends who have given birth, the majority were induced and ended up with a C-Section. Note: A C-Section is MAJOR surgery. We're talking cut-through-seven-layers-can't-drive-a-vehicle-for-8 weeks-or-stand-up-after-rocking-your-infant-to-sleep major surgery. It's something I've always known I wanted to avoid. Well I also had reached an understanding in my pregnancy not to have a set plan since God usually belly laughs at me when I try. That said, I also knew I didn't want to be induced since the most common outcome of inductions are severe contractions worse than those of natural labor and an eventual C-Section.
We found out at about 16 weeks that Bo had a double vessel umbilical cord. This means that instead of the usual 2 arteries and vein he only had one of each providing him nutrients. Low birth weight, brain damage and heart development issues can sometimes result in a baby with a double vessel cord. Since it was so early on, we were able to monitor his growth which obviously went as well as could be. That said, Dr. Taylor didn't think I'd make it past 39 weeks without having to be induced. I had a moment when she said this and then pushed it away. I couldn't change his condition and therefore didn't have a reason to stress out about it. 39 weeks came along and he was doing fantastic. He was already weighing in at an estimated 7 pounds and his head was in the 95th percentile. GULP. This was fantastic news and meant I would be able to go to my 40th week without having to be induced. After week 41 the placenta slowing starts breaking down and nutrients pass through much slower. Most doctors won't let any pregnancy go past 41 weeks for this reason. Since Bo was at a higher risk, Dr. Taylor didn't want to push it and gave me a choice between the 2 days she was scheduled to be on call 24 hours. Monday, May 2 or Thursday May 5. Of course I chose Thursday to push it out as long as I could (HA! A pun!) and of course God laughed.
Monday the 2nd was my last check up with the Doctor to find out how far I'd progressed if at all. Since Sunday the 1st was my due date, I was feeling a bit let down that Bo hadn't shown any signs of coming. I'm a deadline driven person and know it's unreasonable to be so focused on a due date, but with all those hormones you wouldn't tell me I'm wrong. :-)
I woke up Monday morning feeling anxious and a bit frustrated knowing I'd most likely have to be induced since I wasn't feeling any contractions. I showed up to meet the hubs in the waiting room and began bawling when he told me he'd cleared his calendar and we'd have the afternoon to go to Capitola and have a lovely lunch in the sunshine. I was just happy he was giving so much support. I was also jam packed with hormones of all kinds filling my head with so many emotions. I was nervous, excited, apprehensive. You name it, I felt it. It was no surprise really when the PA took my blood pressure, shook her head and said "wow that's really high. My guess is Dr. Taylor will send you right over to the hospital". Sure enough she walked into the exam room saying those exact words. I looked at Shawn and started bawling. Like a little idiot. I was scared. I wasn't ready. I was emotional. Those are some bad combinations when it comes to me. I did my best to compose myself and prepared to head over. As we left the office my friend Moni and her hubs were sitting in the waiting room. Cue tears. AGAIN. I mean seriously. Through sobs I explained what was happening. Moni hugged me and told me it was going to be great. Her poor hubs offered a hug with his arms but his eyes were saying OMGthisisnutsarewegoingtohavetodothistoo?
Since we didn't have my bags, the hubs had to go home to get those and drop Winston off at school. He checked me in and assured me he'd be right back.
The nurse took my blood pressure and put me in a gown. Shortly after they drew blood. My BP had gone back to normal so I of course asked if I could go home. The nurse wasn't authorized to allow me to but said she'd call Dr. Taylor.
The doc came to check on me and said since my BP had gone down and blood work came back beautifully it was up to me. "You're here now, so you can stay and go ahead with the induction or you can go home. I'm fine with either." Of course I couldn't make this kind of decision without the hubs so I waited for him to come back.
What a sight that was. The hubs walked in lugging my XL suitcase, 2 pillows and an overnight bag filled with snacks and last minute additions I had texted him to pack while I was being admitted. What? I didn't know what I'd need!
His smile slowly faded when I told him Doc said I could go home but of course it was up to me. He wanted to talk to the doc and so when she assured him I'd be perfectly fine to head home that's what we did. I wanted to push out my induction as long as possible so it was a blessing that my BP had gone back to normal and I was okay to wait it out a bit longer.
Part 2 coming SOON...
Of all of my girlfriends who have given birth, the majority were induced and ended up with a C-Section. Note: A C-Section is MAJOR surgery. We're talking cut-through-seven-layers-can't-drive-a-vehicle-for-8 weeks-or-stand-up-after-rocking-your-infant-to-sleep major surgery. It's something I've always known I wanted to avoid. Well I also had reached an understanding in my pregnancy not to have a set plan since God usually belly laughs at me when I try. That said, I also knew I didn't want to be induced since the most common outcome of inductions are severe contractions worse than those of natural labor and an eventual C-Section.
We found out at about 16 weeks that Bo had a double vessel umbilical cord. This means that instead of the usual 2 arteries and vein he only had one of each providing him nutrients. Low birth weight, brain damage and heart development issues can sometimes result in a baby with a double vessel cord. Since it was so early on, we were able to monitor his growth which obviously went as well as could be. That said, Dr. Taylor didn't think I'd make it past 39 weeks without having to be induced. I had a moment when she said this and then pushed it away. I couldn't change his condition and therefore didn't have a reason to stress out about it. 39 weeks came along and he was doing fantastic. He was already weighing in at an estimated 7 pounds and his head was in the 95th percentile. GULP. This was fantastic news and meant I would be able to go to my 40th week without having to be induced. After week 41 the placenta slowing starts breaking down and nutrients pass through much slower. Most doctors won't let any pregnancy go past 41 weeks for this reason. Since Bo was at a higher risk, Dr. Taylor didn't want to push it and gave me a choice between the 2 days she was scheduled to be on call 24 hours. Monday, May 2 or Thursday May 5. Of course I chose Thursday to push it out as long as I could (HA! A pun!) and of course God laughed.
Monday the 2nd was my last check up with the Doctor to find out how far I'd progressed if at all. Since Sunday the 1st was my due date, I was feeling a bit let down that Bo hadn't shown any signs of coming. I'm a deadline driven person and know it's unreasonable to be so focused on a due date, but with all those hormones you wouldn't tell me I'm wrong. :-)
I woke up Monday morning feeling anxious and a bit frustrated knowing I'd most likely have to be induced since I wasn't feeling any contractions. I showed up to meet the hubs in the waiting room and began bawling when he told me he'd cleared his calendar and we'd have the afternoon to go to Capitola and have a lovely lunch in the sunshine. I was just happy he was giving so much support. I was also jam packed with hormones of all kinds filling my head with so many emotions. I was nervous, excited, apprehensive. You name it, I felt it. It was no surprise really when the PA took my blood pressure, shook her head and said "wow that's really high. My guess is Dr. Taylor will send you right over to the hospital". Sure enough she walked into the exam room saying those exact words. I looked at Shawn and started bawling. Like a little idiot. I was scared. I wasn't ready. I was emotional. Those are some bad combinations when it comes to me. I did my best to compose myself and prepared to head over. As we left the office my friend Moni and her hubs were sitting in the waiting room. Cue tears. AGAIN. I mean seriously. Through sobs I explained what was happening. Moni hugged me and told me it was going to be great. Her poor hubs offered a hug with his arms but his eyes were saying OMGthisisnutsarewegoingtohavetodothistoo?
Since we didn't have my bags, the hubs had to go home to get those and drop Winston off at school. He checked me in and assured me he'd be right back.
The nurse took my blood pressure and put me in a gown. Shortly after they drew blood. My BP had gone back to normal so I of course asked if I could go home. The nurse wasn't authorized to allow me to but said she'd call Dr. Taylor.
The doc came to check on me and said since my BP had gone down and blood work came back beautifully it was up to me. "You're here now, so you can stay and go ahead with the induction or you can go home. I'm fine with either." Of course I couldn't make this kind of decision without the hubs so I waited for him to come back.
What a sight that was. The hubs walked in lugging my XL suitcase, 2 pillows and an overnight bag filled with snacks and last minute additions I had texted him to pack while I was being admitted. What? I didn't know what I'd need!
His smile slowly faded when I told him Doc said I could go home but of course it was up to me. He wanted to talk to the doc and so when she assured him I'd be perfectly fine to head home that's what we did. I wanted to push out my induction as long as possible so it was a blessing that my BP had gone back to normal and I was okay to wait it out a bit longer.
Part 2 coming SOON...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Stop Being Afraid
I read this advice on a favorite blog in regards to a question about changing things up. And it really spoke to me.
I think I started really feeling fearful when I left my comfortable, worker bee tech writing job for a more unknown path down a very crooked road I wasn't sure about. My gut was right, it wasn't where I was supposed to be and I was asked to leave not long after I had started. I remember a conversation with my boss before I was demoted and ultimately let go that touched on this. I was more self-conscious than I had ever been in my life. I was afraid every day I worked there that I was going to be fired for not doing a good enough job...maybe too prophetic? Ever since then I've allowed fear, in its various forms, to overtake my thoughts and actions.
Last weekend I had the amazing opportunity to hear Maya Angelou speak here in Surf City. Not under the big city lights, but right here in our somewhat small surfer, hippie town. With the Mama and Auntie in tow I braved the incredibly stormy evening and had an incredible time together. Although frail, Maya Angelou spoke on many encouraging points--a lot of them still resonate in my mind as I attempt to sort them out and figure out a way to apply them into my daily thoughts and actions. But one of the things she spoke about was courage and how it was the greatest of all virtues because it's required to act out any of the others.
And I agree with that sentiment.
Stop being afraid.
Sure it's just that simple and just that hard. It takes courage to be able to face the things we fear the most and even the smaller day to day thoughts that hold us back.
Stop being afraid.
I think I started really feeling fearful when I left my comfortable, worker bee tech writing job for a more unknown path down a very crooked road I wasn't sure about. My gut was right, it wasn't where I was supposed to be and I was asked to leave not long after I had started. I remember a conversation with my boss before I was demoted and ultimately let go that touched on this. I was more self-conscious than I had ever been in my life. I was afraid every day I worked there that I was going to be fired for not doing a good enough job...maybe too prophetic? Ever since then I've allowed fear, in its various forms, to overtake my thoughts and actions.
Last weekend I had the amazing opportunity to hear Maya Angelou speak here in Surf City. Not under the big city lights, but right here in our somewhat small surfer, hippie town. With the Mama and Auntie in tow I braved the incredibly stormy evening and had an incredible time together. Although frail, Maya Angelou spoke on many encouraging points--a lot of them still resonate in my mind as I attempt to sort them out and figure out a way to apply them into my daily thoughts and actions. But one of the things she spoke about was courage and how it was the greatest of all virtues because it's required to act out any of the others.
 |
| Courage |
And I agree with that sentiment.
Stop being afraid.
Sure it's just that simple and just that hard. It takes courage to be able to face the things we fear the most and even the smaller day to day thoughts that hold us back.
Stop being afraid.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy March Madness!
Oh it's my favorite time of year yet again and I've got my bracket all filled and printed out. I've got the scores on demand on my second screen just so I can keep track.
I hate to sound like a complete jackass so let me set the disclaimer that this baby is the best thing I've ever done in my whole life. I have to give myself some credit getting through Football season AND March Madness without a drop of the good stuff.
A real conversation with my colleague at work:
Me: You know Debs. I'm really bummed I have to be sitting here at my desk while I should be in a pub somewhere watching March Madness games. ALL DAY.
Deb: Laughing Well, I suppose the upside is that it really wouldn't be much fun for you since you can't drink.
Me: Blink Blink Blink. No it would still be fun. Alcohol only brings up the volume of my excitement. The intensity is still there. The Kettle sodas just make that excitement LOUDER.
I hope I have a pretty good enough handle on myself to know that to be true.
Anyhow here's to another fantastic March Madness. I took last year's pool so let's hope my little lucky charm helps me win again! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! :-)
I hate to sound like a complete jackass so let me set the disclaimer that this baby is the best thing I've ever done in my whole life. I have to give myself some credit getting through Football season AND March Madness without a drop of the good stuff.
A real conversation with my colleague at work:
Me: You know Debs. I'm really bummed I have to be sitting here at my desk while I should be in a pub somewhere watching March Madness games. ALL DAY.
Deb: Laughing Well, I suppose the upside is that it really wouldn't be much fun for you since you can't drink.
Me: Blink Blink Blink. No it would still be fun. Alcohol only brings up the volume of my excitement. The intensity is still there. The Kettle sodas just make that excitement LOUDER.
I hope I have a pretty good enough handle on myself to know that to be true.
Anyhow here's to another fantastic March Madness. I took last year's pool so let's hope my little lucky charm helps me win again! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! :-)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Emotional Overload
It's no joke or secret that I am an emotional kind of girl. It's not usually unwarranted; depending on who you ask I suppose. :-p
I'm officially in my 8th month of pregnancy, reaching 33 weeks last Sunday. It's been a whirlwind of so many amazing feelings. Overall I can't say enough just how blessed I am at how easy and great this has all been. It hasn't been without its scares don't get me wrong. But as I've mentioned before, I have very little control over what's going on with my body and I've relinquished that. It's been incredibly liberating to SLOW DOWN and let go.
The majority of the time I'm great about it. I keep holding tight to my faith that everything is going well and is going to be great. But then there are days like yesterday that send me for a ride. And anyone else who happens to be within ear shot or on my "favorites" list on my phone. :-)
We've been going to the hospital every Sunday for what they call Non-Stress Tests. These hour long sessions are painless and are there to monitor the baby's heart rate and track movements. It's a chance for the hubs and I to sit back and just catch up with each other as we listen to the heart beats and watch our baby move. Sometimes I feel the movements, sometimes we can literally see the movements and other times I am surprised when the machine spits out a black line because I didn't feel a thing!
Monday we had another ultrasound and a visit with the Doc afterward.
She gave a clean bill of health and allowed us to ask all of our questions the hubs had written down. Thanks to Megan Bunch and her awesome class (yes I AM a groupie. So what?!) I asked what her "line in the sand" was for inducing labor.
This question really means how long will she let me go over my due date. Most doctors and hospitals have a date they will not go beyond for various reasons. In our case the baby's got a double vessel umbilical cord where most have 3. We were told this very early on and even went for an adventure up to Stanford to make sure the baby's heart was developing as it should. All was great. All has been great and Monday was not an exception. The baby is in the 49th percentile for it's size and growth which apparently is very good.
LOL. I'm so clueless. All I ever ask when they give me stats like that is "that's okay?" I do the same thing with my blood pressure because I really have NO IDEA. They laugh at me and luckily the response has ALWAYS been, yes your blood pressure is GREAT or the baby's heart rate is PERFECT!
So back to the line in the sand. Due to the fact that this is my first baby :-) and we have a double vessel cord my doc wants me out on maternity leave at 36 weeks and informed us that we will be closely watching but I will most likely have to be induced at 39 weeks.
Gulp followed by a Texas sized GULP
As soon as the words came out I looked at my hubs with eyes as wide as the full moon. I feel like I've become very open to just about everything in this pregnancy, even opening up to the idea of a natural labor. But I will absolutely admit that I am NOT open to an induction. Despite this feeling I didn't freak out since she said we'll be keeping an eye on things and I know that I have options.
Besides that I have an army of warriors out there who will send their prayers, chants, committees, whatever tools they have in their armory to support me. I remain strong and faithful that all will work out and be just fine. But as I soon learned this doesn't mean I can't have a "minute" about everything going on once in a while.
After our questions were answered the doc asked me to head back to the hospital for another NST because the baby hadn't been very active during the ultrasound. I wasn't nervous or concerned by any means and did as she asked. I sent the hubs to work and headed over. The nurse gave us both a gold star and sent me to work but not before she made sure I knew to come in ANYTIME I didn't feel the baby or just wanted to be safe. They're thorough and very, VERY kind at my hospital. I'm beyond blessed.
I'm a problem solver by nature and think that after all that activity I just had a minute.
The baby is on somewhat of a schedule and I can usually time when I can feel the sweet thing moving around. Monday night and all day Tuesday was an exception. I didn't feel as much movement which could have been the result of many things. It was a crazy busy day at work as I was getting projects lined up for completion and an offer letter out to the contractor filling in for me. At the end of the day I called the hubs and told him that I felt like maybe I should go visit my nurse friends just to be safe. He agreed and we hung up. I called labor and delivery and Patti answered. Patti's been there for 2 of our 4 NST visits AND REMEMBERED ME ON THE PHONE. She cheerfully told me to come right on in. No biggie.
Then came the waterworks.
I wasn't scared, worried or concerned. I don't even know what emotion I was feeling. Maybe a bit of sadness that I have to think about the baby's movements and have to be more aware than most. I felt a little weak and probably a lot hormonal. (hey I can break grammar rules if I know how they work okay?) I had called everyone on my favorites list just to cry it out knowing each one on there would provide a level head and a calming energy even if it was over the phone. No one was there to pick up and I took it as a sign that I could handle this "minute" and to just allow myself to be in that moment, with the babes and JUST BREATH.
I cried all the way to the hospital and sent out a prayer as I turned the dial to my favorite uplifting XM station when on came Dave Barnes' 'God Gave Me You'. Now this is JUST a song but it really does describe the way I feel about the hubs and did provide comfort on my short ride. I've only heard it a handful of times but I am incredibly in tune with it as the hubs has been nothing short of amazing during this adventure. You know when you just send out a prayer or thought to the universe and then BAM the phone rings, or a song comes on that you JUST needed to hear. That's what it felt like and man was I grateful.
It was just a moment. I wasn't lost or freaking out. I just had to let it out. And you know what? It felt really, really good. It felt even better when the hubs walked into the room, grabbed my hand and just smiled. The baby was moving and the stats looked great after some juice and rest. We talked about everything going on and agreed there was a lot. He gave me credit at keeping my s$*T together as well as I have and confirmed I wasn't crazy. And as always he provided some helpful insight about our situation and the awareness we have to have. The hubs isn't one to elaborate or string things out but he sure is smart and the best partner I've ever found. Ever. I hope our baby is just like him.
Patti confirmed with the Doctor on call making rounds that the baby looked great and sent us on our way. She even blew me a kiss on the way out. We got home and the hubs started a bath for his tired baby mama. I love that man.
I know we're all entitled to have a "minute" once in a while and I had mine yesterday. I'm still feeling incredibly emotional but I'm okay with that too. I'm a very blessed girl.
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say
It's true
God gave me you
High: Getting to know the labor and delivery staff. You know they're gonna be STOKED when it comes time to have this baby and actually KNOW me on the day I waddle in.
Low: DUH. Having to bring awareness to the double vessel cord.
I'm officially in my 8th month of pregnancy, reaching 33 weeks last Sunday. It's been a whirlwind of so many amazing feelings. Overall I can't say enough just how blessed I am at how easy and great this has all been. It hasn't been without its scares don't get me wrong. But as I've mentioned before, I have very little control over what's going on with my body and I've relinquished that. It's been incredibly liberating to SLOW DOWN and let go.
The majority of the time I'm great about it. I keep holding tight to my faith that everything is going well and is going to be great. But then there are days like yesterday that send me for a ride. And anyone else who happens to be within ear shot or on my "favorites" list on my phone. :-)
We've been going to the hospital every Sunday for what they call Non-Stress Tests. These hour long sessions are painless and are there to monitor the baby's heart rate and track movements. It's a chance for the hubs and I to sit back and just catch up with each other as we listen to the heart beats and watch our baby move. Sometimes I feel the movements, sometimes we can literally see the movements and other times I am surprised when the machine spits out a black line because I didn't feel a thing!
Monday we had another ultrasound and a visit with the Doc afterward.
She gave a clean bill of health and allowed us to ask all of our questions the hubs had written down. Thanks to Megan Bunch and her awesome class (yes I AM a groupie. So what?!) I asked what her "line in the sand" was for inducing labor.
This question really means how long will she let me go over my due date. Most doctors and hospitals have a date they will not go beyond for various reasons. In our case the baby's got a double vessel umbilical cord where most have 3. We were told this very early on and even went for an adventure up to Stanford to make sure the baby's heart was developing as it should. All was great. All has been great and Monday was not an exception. The baby is in the 49th percentile for it's size and growth which apparently is very good.
LOL. I'm so clueless. All I ever ask when they give me stats like that is "that's okay?" I do the same thing with my blood pressure because I really have NO IDEA. They laugh at me and luckily the response has ALWAYS been, yes your blood pressure is GREAT or the baby's heart rate is PERFECT!
So back to the line in the sand. Due to the fact that this is my first baby :-) and we have a double vessel cord my doc wants me out on maternity leave at 36 weeks and informed us that we will be closely watching but I will most likely have to be induced at 39 weeks.
Gulp followed by a Texas sized GULP
As soon as the words came out I looked at my hubs with eyes as wide as the full moon. I feel like I've become very open to just about everything in this pregnancy, even opening up to the idea of a natural labor. But I will absolutely admit that I am NOT open to an induction. Despite this feeling I didn't freak out since she said we'll be keeping an eye on things and I know that I have options.
Besides that I have an army of warriors out there who will send their prayers, chants, committees, whatever tools they have in their armory to support me. I remain strong and faithful that all will work out and be just fine. But as I soon learned this doesn't mean I can't have a "minute" about everything going on once in a while.
After our questions were answered the doc asked me to head back to the hospital for another NST because the baby hadn't been very active during the ultrasound. I wasn't nervous or concerned by any means and did as she asked. I sent the hubs to work and headed over. The nurse gave us both a gold star and sent me to work but not before she made sure I knew to come in ANYTIME I didn't feel the baby or just wanted to be safe. They're thorough and very, VERY kind at my hospital. I'm beyond blessed.
I'm a problem solver by nature and think that after all that activity I just had a minute.
The baby is on somewhat of a schedule and I can usually time when I can feel the sweet thing moving around. Monday night and all day Tuesday was an exception. I didn't feel as much movement which could have been the result of many things. It was a crazy busy day at work as I was getting projects lined up for completion and an offer letter out to the contractor filling in for me. At the end of the day I called the hubs and told him that I felt like maybe I should go visit my nurse friends just to be safe. He agreed and we hung up. I called labor and delivery and Patti answered. Patti's been there for 2 of our 4 NST visits AND REMEMBERED ME ON THE PHONE. She cheerfully told me to come right on in. No biggie.
Then came the waterworks.
I wasn't scared, worried or concerned. I don't even know what emotion I was feeling. Maybe a bit of sadness that I have to think about the baby's movements and have to be more aware than most. I felt a little weak and probably a lot hormonal. (hey I can break grammar rules if I know how they work okay?) I had called everyone on my favorites list just to cry it out knowing each one on there would provide a level head and a calming energy even if it was over the phone. No one was there to pick up and I took it as a sign that I could handle this "minute" and to just allow myself to be in that moment, with the babes and JUST BREATH.
I cried all the way to the hospital and sent out a prayer as I turned the dial to my favorite uplifting XM station when on came Dave Barnes' 'God Gave Me You'. Now this is JUST a song but it really does describe the way I feel about the hubs and did provide comfort on my short ride. I've only heard it a handful of times but I am incredibly in tune with it as the hubs has been nothing short of amazing during this adventure. You know when you just send out a prayer or thought to the universe and then BAM the phone rings, or a song comes on that you JUST needed to hear. That's what it felt like and man was I grateful.
It was just a moment. I wasn't lost or freaking out. I just had to let it out. And you know what? It felt really, really good. It felt even better when the hubs walked into the room, grabbed my hand and just smiled. The baby was moving and the stats looked great after some juice and rest. We talked about everything going on and agreed there was a lot. He gave me credit at keeping my s$*T together as well as I have and confirmed I wasn't crazy. And as always he provided some helpful insight about our situation and the awareness we have to have. The hubs isn't one to elaborate or string things out but he sure is smart and the best partner I've ever found. Ever. I hope our baby is just like him.
Patti confirmed with the Doctor on call making rounds that the baby looked great and sent us on our way. She even blew me a kiss on the way out. We got home and the hubs started a bath for his tired baby mama. I love that man.
I know we're all entitled to have a "minute" once in a while and I had mine yesterday. I'm still feeling incredibly emotional but I'm okay with that too. I'm a very blessed girl.
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say
It's true
God gave me you
High: Getting to know the labor and delivery staff. You know they're gonna be STOKED when it comes time to have this baby and actually KNOW me on the day I waddle in.
Low: DUH. Having to bring awareness to the double vessel cord.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Cycle of Fear
3 weeks ago the hubs and I began our birthing classes at the lovely birthing and surgery center here in Surf City. We had no idea what to expect and went in with an open mind about my labor. AKA getting drugs. Lots of drugs. I was not holding back at all during week 1 when the substitute teacher asked by a raise of hands which of us were planning on going natural and which were sure they would have drugs. I shot my arm up as the hubs shook his head and laughed. We didn't get too much out of the first week since it was a sub but we did watch a video that followed 3 different labors. All of which were completed naturally. As in without the assistance of any drugs.
GULP
Blink
Blink
Blink
What amazed me was THEY DID IT. Now I know that there are MANY women out there who complete their labor naturally. I also knew that I wouldn't be one of them.
Then I met Megan Bunch.
Now let me start off with a disclaimer that I don't KNOW what will exactly happen the day Baby Anglewood decides it's time, but I DO know that my mind is very open and aware of my options. It's an incredibly liberating feeling; one I've not fully developed until now. What can I say? I think one of my best qualities (if I do say so myself, thankyouverymuch) is that I am constantly trying to grow into a smarter person.
Megan Bunch is a doula, childbirth educator and yoga instructor. She's also hilarious and incredibly "real" about the entire birthing process. She doesn't sugar coat a single thing and even said it's fine, great even to swear on our exhales as we experience contractions. YES!
Mom, you better not be in the room with me during transition because I've been given the okay to breath out F bombs. That alone is worth the price of going natural.
What?
I like to swear.
Anyhow, week 2 of class included the 3 stages of labor and when you actually go to the hospital. Now I believe with everything in me that simply put, I have the best birthing partner on the planet. The hubz is awesome. He is attentive in our classes and even contributes his thoughts and ideas. It's been an incredible bonding time that I will always cherish.
That said, he's also crazy. :-)
After Megan Bunch the amazing doula went over the 3 stages of labor we took a break. The room was buzzing and we were no exception. Here's a real conversation:
Blink
Blink
Blink
All I know is that man is lucky there were witnesses. Because in my imagination he was ripped a new one. Hey. No one said these prego hormones were lady like.
Class started up again and I decided to table the Early Labor conversation for a later time when I was a bit more calm.
Now we've learned quite a bit in the last 3 classes but the most important lesson I've learned is how big of a role Fear plays in my heart, in my community and in our culture. I'm totally sold on the idea that our culture FEARS childbirth and paints it as this horrendous, painful awful experience. Painful I'm sure. But why the horrendous and awful parts?
I'm the first to raise my hand and say I believe it too and am working on moving past it. And Megan Bunch is helping me with that. I think the first step is to realize that I actually do have fear about childbirth and learn more about how to manage that fear. Learning more about fear, I understand that Fear leads to Tension which leads to Pain. Not the pain that comes naturally to labor, but pain that is unnecessarily there due to the fear of what's going on with my body causing me to tense up my body instead of release it.
This has probably been the biggest epiphany of my entire pregnancy. Sounds so simple. So easy! I'll just NOT tense up!
Blink
Blink
Blink
Okay so I know I live in a land far, far away most of the time but even I know how hard it is to mentally get over a fear. But that's the path I've charted. So I decided that I wasn't going to automatically decide I will get drugs the second I'm admitted. Instead I decided that I'd "go with the flow". See how things go. Sounds reasonable enough, right?
Well of course it does. Until I learned that the majority of women who make that same decision (turns out I'm not the only one with such a fantastic idea. Who knew?!) end up getting the drugs. No, it's the women who make the decision walking in to go naturally who are actually successful at it. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with mental strength.
Now don't get me wrong. I am absolutely an advocate for everyone to make their own choices when it comes to labor. It's an incredibly personal decision. I am simply trying to make the best decision for me and my labor. This is in no way my soapbox to advocate either choice. It's important for each person to come to her own decision. There is no "right" or "wrong" way. I truly believe that. Unlike some chickens in my birthing class.
Yeah, we get it little girl. You don't believe in drugs. Ever. Got it. No need to repeat yourself EVERY WEEK. There's always one in every class isn't there? That schmoozer sitting in the front row violently wagging her arm in the air "callonme ooh ooh callonemeeee!!" Life is funny that way I s'pose.
So last night's class included a video and lesson on the two types of drugs administered during labor. Both of which have their own lists of pros and cons. Of course at the question portion of the epidural lesson I nervously asked how big that needle was. Laughter ensued but I was serious. Sure enough Megan Bunch had the needles (yes, there are 2) and planned on showing those interested at that break. I won't get into much detail here except to say
1. I had no idea an epidural was a catheter inserted into the spinal column
2. The needle they use to insert the catheter? YIPES! That junk is big. Bigger than you think.
Turns out I wasn't the only one interested in the needles: "THAT NEEDLE IS SCARIER THAN ANY LABOR PAIN!" Knock it off little girl. We get it! You're not getting drugs. So why even look at the needle?
So I'm playing with the idea of hiring Megan Bunch to provide some private 1 on 1 lessons to help me mentally get over the fear of it all. I already feel better after my classes understanding what it is the body is actually doing. There is no need to fear when I think of it physiologically. It's the mental part.
I've played the High/Low game with the Hubs in the past and am reinstating it in reference to last night's class:
High: Trying out all the various labor positions with the hubs supporting me both physically and emotionally. :-) He's the best. I promise.
Low: Duh. That needle. And the cons to drugs.
GULP
Blink
Blink
Blink
What amazed me was THEY DID IT. Now I know that there are MANY women out there who complete their labor naturally. I also knew that I wouldn't be one of them.
Then I met Megan Bunch.
Now let me start off with a disclaimer that I don't KNOW what will exactly happen the day Baby Anglewood decides it's time, but I DO know that my mind is very open and aware of my options. It's an incredibly liberating feeling; one I've not fully developed until now. What can I say? I think one of my best qualities (if I do say so myself, thankyouverymuch) is that I am constantly trying to grow into a smarter person.
 | ||
| Lotus Flower|Bahram Farzad |
Mom, you better not be in the room with me during transition because I've been given the okay to breath out F bombs. That alone is worth the price of going natural.
What?
I like to swear.
Anyhow, week 2 of class included the 3 stages of labor and when you actually go to the hospital. Now I believe with everything in me that simply put, I have the best birthing partner on the planet. The hubz is awesome. He is attentive in our classes and even contributes his thoughts and ideas. It's been an incredible bonding time that I will always cherish.
That said, he's also crazy. :-)
After Megan Bunch the amazing doula went over the 3 stages of labor we took a break. The room was buzzing and we were no exception. Here's a real conversation:
Me: "HA! You're probably gonna give me a kiss on the cheek and head to work when I go into Early Labor. HA!"
The Hubs: "Well I mean if it's early labor and you know you aren't contracting too much like she said blahblahblahblah"
Me: realizing he is NOT joking snaps my head to look into his eyes now big with fear and holding a look 'Oh S#*&, what did I say' "Wait, you AREN'T kidding are you?"
The Hubs: "Err, well, no I mean she said you could do normal things, go about your day during Early Labor, go shopping..I mean you heard her."
Me: "So you're just going to head out to work and let me go shopping. BY MYSELF? DURING EARLY LABOR?"
The Hubs: "Well, I mean not by yourself."
Blink
Blink
Blink
All I know is that man is lucky there were witnesses. Because in my imagination he was ripped a new one. Hey. No one said these prego hormones were lady like.
Class started up again and I decided to table the Early Labor conversation for a later time when I was a bit more calm.
Now we've learned quite a bit in the last 3 classes but the most important lesson I've learned is how big of a role Fear plays in my heart, in my community and in our culture. I'm totally sold on the idea that our culture FEARS childbirth and paints it as this horrendous, painful awful experience. Painful I'm sure. But why the horrendous and awful parts?
I'm the first to raise my hand and say I believe it too and am working on moving past it. And Megan Bunch is helping me with that. I think the first step is to realize that I actually do have fear about childbirth and learn more about how to manage that fear. Learning more about fear, I understand that Fear leads to Tension which leads to Pain. Not the pain that comes naturally to labor, but pain that is unnecessarily there due to the fear of what's going on with my body causing me to tense up my body instead of release it.
This has probably been the biggest epiphany of my entire pregnancy. Sounds so simple. So easy! I'll just NOT tense up!
Blink
Blink
Blink
Okay so I know I live in a land far, far away most of the time but even I know how hard it is to mentally get over a fear. But that's the path I've charted. So I decided that I wasn't going to automatically decide I will get drugs the second I'm admitted. Instead I decided that I'd "go with the flow". See how things go. Sounds reasonable enough, right?
Well of course it does. Until I learned that the majority of women who make that same decision (turns out I'm not the only one with such a fantastic idea. Who knew?!) end up getting the drugs. No, it's the women who make the decision walking in to go naturally who are actually successful at it. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with mental strength.
Now don't get me wrong. I am absolutely an advocate for everyone to make their own choices when it comes to labor. It's an incredibly personal decision. I am simply trying to make the best decision for me and my labor. This is in no way my soapbox to advocate either choice. It's important for each person to come to her own decision. There is no "right" or "wrong" way. I truly believe that. Unlike some chickens in my birthing class.
Yeah, we get it little girl. You don't believe in drugs. Ever. Got it. No need to repeat yourself EVERY WEEK. There's always one in every class isn't there? That schmoozer sitting in the front row violently wagging her arm in the air "callonme ooh ooh callonemeeee!!" Life is funny that way I s'pose.
So last night's class included a video and lesson on the two types of drugs administered during labor. Both of which have their own lists of pros and cons. Of course at the question portion of the epidural lesson I nervously asked how big that needle was. Laughter ensued but I was serious. Sure enough Megan Bunch had the needles (yes, there are 2) and planned on showing those interested at that break. I won't get into much detail here except to say
1. I had no idea an epidural was a catheter inserted into the spinal column
2. The needle they use to insert the catheter? YIPES! That junk is big. Bigger than you think.
Turns out I wasn't the only one interested in the needles: "THAT NEEDLE IS SCARIER THAN ANY LABOR PAIN!" Knock it off little girl. We get it! You're not getting drugs. So why even look at the needle?
So I'm playing with the idea of hiring Megan Bunch to provide some private 1 on 1 lessons to help me mentally get over the fear of it all. I already feel better after my classes understanding what it is the body is actually doing. There is no need to fear when I think of it physiologically. It's the mental part.
I've played the High/Low game with the Hubs in the past and am reinstating it in reference to last night's class:
High: Trying out all the various labor positions with the hubs supporting me both physically and emotionally. :-) He's the best. I promise.
Low: Duh. That needle. And the cons to drugs.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Song of the Day
I have so much to "talk" about and am saving some really great things for this weekend. The rain is falling outside making it perfect weather to sit by the fireplace and write, write write.
In the meantime I have a fun story to share. So the baby is now nearly 30 weeks along and moving so much. I'll get into this more soon and probably say this same thing over and over again but this is the best thing I've ever done and I'm thankful everyday for this pregnancy blessing.
So my commute to work takes an average of 30 minutes each day. During that time of slow and go the things I do in the car can usually fall into 2 categories: I call Gramma and Grampa Sugar to chat (hands free of course, duh), or sing along to the XM radio.
I have my favorite stations and one happened to play Van Morrison's Into the Mystic. Now if you KNOW me, know me then you know how much I enjoy a good horn section. And this song has in my opinion one of the best. You'll also know that I like to listen to my favorite parts of songs VERY LOUDLY.
What? If it's too loud then you're too old. :-P
As the initial horn section begins I turn it up. Way up. As I got lost into the music (all while watching the road like a hawk. The mama kind.) I felt this baby move along. Slow at first but then picked up feeling like big swirls. Delighted I squealed out loud OVER the music: "I have a dancing baby ala Ally McBeal!" I've always wanted one of those! It was magical as I imagined my sweet babes moving along to the music, feeling my pats encouraging more dancing. Tears sprung and my hand started patting that babes harder as it enjoyed the music along with me.
Then I kind of thought of the words as I sung along to the chorus and realized it could easily be a metaphor or theme song for this baby coming into the world and me getting ready for it...without any fear.
When that fog horn whistle blows you know I will be comin' home
mmmmmhhmmmm
Yeah and when that fog horn whistle blows I gotta hear it
I don't have to fear it
And I wanna rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
and magnificently we will fold
Into the Mystic
Beyond Blessed,
Cares
In the meantime I have a fun story to share. So the baby is now nearly 30 weeks along and moving so much. I'll get into this more soon and probably say this same thing over and over again but this is the best thing I've ever done and I'm thankful everyday for this pregnancy blessing.
 |
| Profile of Baby at Week 28 |
So my commute to work takes an average of 30 minutes each day. During that time of slow and go the things I do in the car can usually fall into 2 categories: I call Gramma and Grampa Sugar to chat (hands free of course, duh), or sing along to the XM radio.
I have my favorite stations and one happened to play Van Morrison's Into the Mystic. Now if you KNOW me, know me then you know how much I enjoy a good horn section. And this song has in my opinion one of the best. You'll also know that I like to listen to my favorite parts of songs VERY LOUDLY.
What? If it's too loud then you're too old. :-P
As the initial horn section begins I turn it up. Way up. As I got lost into the music (all while watching the road like a hawk. The mama kind.) I felt this baby move along. Slow at first but then picked up feeling like big swirls. Delighted I squealed out loud OVER the music: "I have a dancing baby ala Ally McBeal!" I've always wanted one of those! It was magical as I imagined my sweet babes moving along to the music, feeling my pats encouraging more dancing. Tears sprung and my hand started patting that babes harder as it enjoyed the music along with me.
Then I kind of thought of the words as I sung along to the chorus and realized it could easily be a metaphor or theme song for this baby coming into the world and me getting ready for it...without any fear.
When that fog horn whistle blows you know I will be comin' home
mmmmmhhmmmm
Yeah and when that fog horn whistle blows I gotta hear it
I don't have to fear it
And I wanna rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
and magnificently we will fold
Into the Mystic
Beyond Blessed,
Cares
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Grandma and Grandpa Sugar
Probably two of my most favorite people on the planet have been married 69 years. I can't express how much I adore my grandparents. They are the sweetest, most caring people as evidenced by the plethora of friends and family who love them. I'm not kidding. They can make friends anywhere and no matter where they are in the country they always manage to meet someone who also once lived in Saginaw, St. Ignas or Mackinaw Island.
I talk to them both once a week to catch up and just keep in touch. I miss them terribly and so wish I had them closer to me. Grandpa and I take up most of the time talking about my football picks for the week. I think he loves that his granddaughter is in a pick 'em pool and has something other than the weather to talk about. Grandma lets me get all excited about the baby and doesn't mind that I get emotional every time we talk. She recently just joked that at least now I have an excuse to be so sappy. What she didn't admit is that I get it from her.
The photo above is taken from my wedding 2 years ago. I don't remember the context of the photo but what I love so much is that after 69 years of marriage Grandpa can still make my Grandmother laugh like that. What I do remember from his speech was that he told me I was as good a woman as my Grandma. To be compared to Grandma Sugar was probably the compliment of my life. She's that amazing.
I'm a hopeless romantic and know like many I have a skewed and unrealistic idea of what love 'should' be. Luckily for me I have a real life example in Grandma and Grandpa Sugar. Their love is real and what I hope mine to look like. Their faith is truly an inspiration and I am so grateful and blessed by them.
The same day they celebrated their anniversary (Feb. 1) one of my favorite duos released their first full length album. On this album is a song that I could listen to over and over. I don't believe in coincidences and now have a modern song that makes me think of my Grandparents Sugar.
Friday, January 28, 2011
My friend Heather....
Back in college I was presented with the opportunity to spend a semester to study in Bath. I met some of the most amazing, talented people. People I've been able to recently re-connect with thanks to Facebook. What I miss the most about my trip was the accountability we provided one another as writers. We were writing EVERY DAY. Sometimes we'd be writing ALL DAY. We'd write in our personal journals, our travel writing journals, our letters home, required classwork essays, poetry, short stories...on and on. I hate to admit this but I was as home sick as a helicopter mom's pathetic kid on his first trip to summer camp. But the writing helped. The accountability helped. I haven't been through my old writings in some time and hope to pull it out now that I'm "nesting" and dig into it.
The point of bringing this up is to introduce a very talented friend who is also expecting her first baby any day now. I have so many vivid memories of Heather and our time in Bath, but one that sticks out includes our last week there. We had a group of about 25 students and 4 faculty members on the trip with us. Some English majors, some Theater majors and some just major idiots. Just kidding. Kind of.
Anyhow, I was never unaware of how unbelievably talented Heather was so I told her it would be a fun thing to write a poem for the final dinner to read in front of all of our colleagues and faculty. BUT, knowing full well how fantastic of a writer she was, I told her we had to write it in 5 minutes and could only include what we came up with in that time frame.
Why you ask? Well, I figured if people knew that I only had 5 minutes to prepare something they would be much kinder and not hold the same level of accountability as if I had 5 hours. That's a big difference to a writer.
Anyhow, Heather liked the idea and came up with something amazing in 5 minutes but decided she wanted to craft it and turn it into something much more special. And it was. "Sometimes a Chard" is what it was called and all I can remember about it's contents is that I teared up and felt much too silly to read the something "fun" I had written in 5 minutes. It would be like Katy Perry following Pavarotti.
Blink
Blink
Blink
See I am self-conscious just like the rest of you.
Anyhow, today Heather has her own blog filled with many amazing posts. In fact anytime I visit her blog I am filled with calmness and always leave inspired. You can tell I've taken her idea of including images into my posts as she has in order to make my posts that much more "decorated". I hope the saying holds true: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" and I hope she feels flattered to have me share her work with you. She has been on some amazing adventures including a recent BIG move from Patagonia to the States that I won't spoil for you here. She can be found at http://www.ameasureof.blogspot.com as well as on my "Can't Get Enough Of" blog roll. I've printed out her most recent post and carry it with me as a reminder. I'm not sure any book I read will comfort me as much as her poem has.
If you ever read this Heather, thank you for the inspiration, accountability and I wish all the blessings for you, S and your soon to be family of 3.
The point of bringing this up is to introduce a very talented friend who is also expecting her first baby any day now. I have so many vivid memories of Heather and our time in Bath, but one that sticks out includes our last week there. We had a group of about 25 students and 4 faculty members on the trip with us. Some English majors, some Theater majors and some just major idiots. Just kidding. Kind of.
Anyhow, I was never unaware of how unbelievably talented Heather was so I told her it would be a fun thing to write a poem for the final dinner to read in front of all of our colleagues and faculty. BUT, knowing full well how fantastic of a writer she was, I told her we had to write it in 5 minutes and could only include what we came up with in that time frame.
Why you ask? Well, I figured if people knew that I only had 5 minutes to prepare something they would be much kinder and not hold the same level of accountability as if I had 5 hours. That's a big difference to a writer.
Anyhow, Heather liked the idea and came up with something amazing in 5 minutes but decided she wanted to craft it and turn it into something much more special. And it was. "Sometimes a Chard" is what it was called and all I can remember about it's contents is that I teared up and felt much too silly to read the something "fun" I had written in 5 minutes. It would be like Katy Perry following Pavarotti.
Blink
Blink
Blink
See I am self-conscious just like the rest of you.
Anyhow, today Heather has her own blog filled with many amazing posts. In fact anytime I visit her blog I am filled with calmness and always leave inspired. You can tell I've taken her idea of including images into my posts as she has in order to make my posts that much more "decorated". I hope the saying holds true: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" and I hope she feels flattered to have me share her work with you. She has been on some amazing adventures including a recent BIG move from Patagonia to the States that I won't spoil for you here. She can be found at http://www.ameasureof.blogspot.com as well as on my "Can't Get Enough Of" blog roll. I've printed out her most recent post and carry it with me as a reminder. I'm not sure any book I read will comfort me as much as her poem has.
If you ever read this Heather, thank you for the inspiration, accountability and I wish all the blessings for you, S and your soon to be family of 3.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
:17
So I don't know if it's the recent shaking of the San Andreas Fault or what but last night found me waking up at 17 past the hour EVERY hour starting at midnight.
Yesterday I was up so early that I just decided to hit the gym. I had some funny stares while I was there. I guess it does look a bit funny for a woman 6 months pregnant to be jogging on a treadmill. But I didn't care. I set my Pandora to the JayZ channel and ran a mile and a half and ended my workout with a bit of a modified version of Tracy Anderson's legs video she sent me.
What? Oh I know. I'm not Gwenyth but if I can get legs like Petter Potts then you'd better believe I'll try it. Now that the doc gave the okay for cardio I am going to attempt pruning these tree trunks!
The main point is, I'm getting used to these early mornings and have decided to make lemonade by getting to the gym. The problem is at 12:17 I had two options: 1. Force myself back to sleep or 2. Stay up watching shake weight infomercials until the gym opens at 5:30.
What I DIDN'T know was that every hour after that at 17 minutes past exactly, I'd wake up thinking it was time to get out of bed and hit the gym. Turns out I wasn't the only one. At 3:17 on the nose I woke up thinking I heard the shower. I verygracefully turned over and saw through hazy eyes that the hubs was not in bed. I fell back asleep and woke up in a fright with the hubs standing over me telling me he was heading into work. Turns out he couldn't sleep either.
4:17 came and went and when 5:17 came by it was time to get up and hit the gym. First things first, Winston was whining to get out and relieve his bladder. Oscar looked so cozy in bed that I decided sleep was more important than the gym and told myself that if I didn't fall asleep in 5 minutes I'd get myself ready for the gym.
I didn't wake up until the alarm went off at 6:15.
Nothing exciting or ground breaking but thought it was sort of eery to be waking up at the same time EVERY HOUR. Maybe 17 is my lucky number this week...
Yesterday I was up so early that I just decided to hit the gym. I had some funny stares while I was there. I guess it does look a bit funny for a woman 6 months pregnant to be jogging on a treadmill. But I didn't care. I set my Pandora to the JayZ channel and ran a mile and a half and ended my workout with a bit of a modified version of Tracy Anderson's legs video she sent me.
What? Oh I know. I'm not Gwenyth but if I can get legs like Petter Potts then you'd better believe I'll try it. Now that the doc gave the okay for cardio I am going to attempt pruning these tree trunks!
The main point is, I'm getting used to these early mornings and have decided to make lemonade by getting to the gym. The problem is at 12:17 I had two options: 1. Force myself back to sleep or 2. Stay up watching shake weight infomercials until the gym opens at 5:30.
What I DIDN'T know was that every hour after that at 17 minutes past exactly, I'd wake up thinking it was time to get out of bed and hit the gym. Turns out I wasn't the only one. At 3:17 on the nose I woke up thinking I heard the shower. I very
4:17 came and went and when 5:17 came by it was time to get up and hit the gym. First things first, Winston was whining to get out and relieve his bladder. Oscar looked so cozy in bed that I decided sleep was more important than the gym and told myself that if I didn't fall asleep in 5 minutes I'd get myself ready for the gym.
I didn't wake up until the alarm went off at 6:15.
Nothing exciting or ground breaking but thought it was sort of eery to be waking up at the same time EVERY HOUR. Maybe 17 is my lucky number this week...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, oh Monday
Happy New Year! I hope this year brings us all peace, joy and lots of fantastic memories.
Monday morning, well that did NOT provide with a fantastic memory.
Each week day I get up and dread the work day and each morning has it's routine:
Wake up
Let the dogs out
Feed the dogs
Get ready for work
Let the dogs out one last time
Put Winston in his run/garage
Go to work
Hey! I never said it was an EXCITING routine.
Well when I let the dogs out the second time I usually put Winston on his tether so he can chase the birds and be free to run and play for a little while. This makes Shawn tremble with fear that Winston will somehow escape or what I don't know. Shawn's imagination is not a predictable one so Ihave had no idea what his fear was and didn't pay mind to his conservative methods of managing the dogs. I just let Winston have his fun outside while I finish up getting ready inside. This has never led to anything weird or unsavory. Until this past Monday.
For some reason I went out to check on things and noticed he was chasing something. Maybe a bird, maybe a gopher, I don't know. What I do know is the moment the thought "Something REAL WEIRD is about to happen" it did.
Winston had run to the side of the house where the water source pipe sticks out far and attaches to his endless water dish. Well with Winston comes his tether and his tether had wrapped around the PVC pipe that connects the pipe to his water dish. The something REAL WEIRD was that as Winston gave up his search for whatever ran that way, he took off in the opposite direction resulting in a very loud SNAP and water GUSHING out into the yard looking something like a geyser.
So what did I do? Oh, only what I do best in situations like these.
PANIC!
ohmygoshwheredoesthispipegotohowdoIturnitoff???
Winston is none the wiser running about hoping I'll see he's picked up his Jolly Ball and toss it across the yard 85 times for him. Oscar, hating confrontation, retreated to the furthest point in the house that still allows a direct view to all of the chaos.
I call Shawn and freak out as I explain what I see in front of me. He of course is cool as a cucumber as I ream him for not putting the wrench back after fixing the garbage disposal.
Well! There's water going EVERYWHERE and I can't shut off the water main without a wrench!
I finally find the wrench but it's not gripping the water main. I call Shawn back and simply tell him he's just going to have to come back home.
Instead he calls Megan R. who is busy getting herself ready. Oh and her 2 kids. Oh and her 2 dogs. Oh and her hubs.
Megan is over in a flash with a cup of coffee in one hand and a wrench in the other. I greet her at the door with my hair soaking and my shirt splotchy. Yep, you guessed right! I tried to push the broken pieces of pipe back together. What?! I was desperate. But this Megan, man She's a real gem. How many girls do YOU know that are that well-rounded and ready to handle any home issue?
And whaddya know? In about 3 seconds flat she's managed to make me look like a fool as her wrench perfectly fits the water main valve as she miraculously turns it off. All while she is wrenching in one hand, holding a conversation with me in between sips of her coffee NOT EVEN LOOKING at the water main.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I mean I used to think I was handy. Well given that I lived with Trixie and Leasy I guess Oscar would come off as handy. Imposable thumbs and all.
So all was back to normal and I was on my way out the door.
I suppose once the babes comes I'll be dealing with all kinds of "fires" like these and then have the rest of the day to tackle. At least it's preparing me.
Monday morning, well that did NOT provide with a fantastic memory.
Each week day I get up and dread the work day and each morning has it's routine:
Wake up
Let the dogs out
Feed the dogs
Get ready for work
Let the dogs out one last time
Put Winston in his run/garage
Go to work
Hey! I never said it was an EXCITING routine.
Well when I let the dogs out the second time I usually put Winston on his tether so he can chase the birds and be free to run and play for a little while. This makes Shawn tremble with fear that Winston will somehow escape or what I don't know. Shawn's imagination is not a predictable one so I
For some reason I went out to check on things and noticed he was chasing something. Maybe a bird, maybe a gopher, I don't know. What I do know is the moment the thought "Something REAL WEIRD is about to happen" it did.
Winston had run to the side of the house where the water source pipe sticks out far and attaches to his endless water dish. Well with Winston comes his tether and his tether had wrapped around the PVC pipe that connects the pipe to his water dish. The something REAL WEIRD was that as Winston gave up his search for whatever ran that way, he took off in the opposite direction resulting in a very loud SNAP and water GUSHING out into the yard looking something like a geyser.
PANIC!
ohmygoshwheredoesthispipegotohowdoIturnitoff???
Winston is none the wiser running about hoping I'll see he's picked up his Jolly Ball and toss it across the yard 85 times for him. Oscar, hating confrontation, retreated to the furthest point in the house that still allows a direct view to all of the chaos.
I call Shawn and freak out as I explain what I see in front of me. He of course is cool as a cucumber as I ream him for not putting the wrench back after fixing the garbage disposal.
Well! There's water going EVERYWHERE and I can't shut off the water main without a wrench!
I finally find the wrench but it's not gripping the water main. I call Shawn back and simply tell him he's just going to have to come back home.
Instead he calls Megan R. who is busy getting herself ready. Oh and her 2 kids. Oh and her 2 dogs. Oh and her hubs.
Megan is over in a flash with a cup of coffee in one hand and a wrench in the other. I greet her at the door with my hair soaking and my shirt splotchy. Yep, you guessed right! I tried to push the broken pieces of pipe back together. What?! I was desperate. But this Megan, man She's a real gem. How many girls do YOU know that are that well-rounded and ready to handle any home issue?
And whaddya know? In about 3 seconds flat she's managed to make me look like a fool as her wrench perfectly fits the water main valve as she miraculously turns it off. All while she is wrenching in one hand, holding a conversation with me in between sips of her coffee NOT EVEN LOOKING at the water main.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I mean I used to think I was handy. Well given that I lived with Trixie and Leasy I guess Oscar would come off as handy. Imposable thumbs and all.
So all was back to normal and I was on my way out the door.
I suppose once the babes comes I'll be dealing with all kinds of "fires" like these and then have the rest of the day to tackle. At least it's preparing me.
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