Thursday May 5, 2011 was my best day.
We had gotten to bed pretty early the night before but were awfully giggly knowing I would be going in the next morning to be induced. We finished packing the bag and placed it in the car and got the dogs prepared for school (Winston) and for babysitting (Oscar). We allowed both of them to sleep in the bed for the last time and made sure they had special food for dinner. The hubs picked out a couple of baby blankets to bring with us to get the baby's smell on so he could deliver them to Winston while he was at school. The hubs was a teeny bit concerned about how Winston would do with the new baby and wanted to get him used to the smell of the baby before we were all home.
I attribute the night before my induction to the night before our wedding. It was filled with every emotion I could probably feel. I was anxious and excited, nervous and ready. The hubs set the alarm for 6 but I think we had both been dozing in and out of sleep all night and were up before the alarm went off. I took a shower, blew out my hair (for what I thought would be the last time in a LONG time) and even put on some makeup. :-) Of course this takes me much longer than usual with a 10 month grown baby slowing me down, so we didn't walk out of the house until quarter to 8.
Our appointment was at 8 and traffic in SC county is a joke between half past 7 and 10AM. On the way I mentioned how bad I felt that we didn't have anything for the nurses. It was our last time going in to see them after all of our weekly Non-Stress Tests and we loved bringing them breakfast. I knew we were late since we still had to drop off Winston but smiled a great big grin when the hubs got off the freeway one exit early. I knew what he was going for: bagels. Oh, and not just ANY bagels, but THE BAGELRY bagels. They're a local bagel joint known for their fantastic bagels and schmear. Needless to say we were going to be really late. 40 minutes late to be exact.
As we pulled into the valet parking line (Oh, yeah we're THAT posh at my hospital!) Dog Days came on my playlist and I got to have a sweet text conversation with my soul mate before going in. I turned it up and let the baby hear it one more time in utero while the hubs unloaded the car. It felt like we were on vacation and were getting ready to check into the most luxurious hotel on Kauai. We were both grinning ear to ear when we saw our good friend Megan and her sister walking our way. Their mom had been admitted to the same hospital and they were diligently visiting her when we got there. It was kind of special to know that while we of course wished Margaret was NOT at the hospital, Megan was just a few hallways down. She has been one of our biggest cheerleaders; first when we got engaged then married and now pregnant. There's something to be said for the friends in your life you know are GENUINELY happy for you and Megan is one of those friends.
Wow that took a LONG time to describe us getting from home to the hospital. ;-)
Anyhow, we finally walk in the hospital and I hear the hubs say "Hi Franny!" I could feel the panic hit my face. She had sent me a text asking what time I went in that morning and I told her 8 AM and that I would call her at noon when she was off work to update her and have her come then. I was half ecstatic to see her and half not.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I know I sound like an awful daughter right about now, but hear me out. Franny is one of the most positive people you'll EVER know. BUT she is also kind of fearful of the things she doesn't know much about. Like inductions. "Well, YOU were 3 weeks late Cares. Doctors just didn't force things back then. I don't know why they have to INDUCE" is what she has repeatedly said to me. I had to prep her from the very beginning of my pregnancy for this day when the doctor found Bo's double vessel cord. She warned us we probably wouldn't make it past 38 weeks without requiring and induction and here we were 4 days past my due date! Long story short, I was nervous that Franny and her VERY vocal opinions would cause stress in the labor room. I did my best to put on my poker face and the three of us headed in to be admitted.
We headed to the nurses station and found Dr. Taylor playing the frog version of angry birds. :-) I TOLD you I had the best doctor. We dropped of the bagels and waited for my room assignment.
Jill had seen us the Sunday prior for my last NST and greeted us. The first words out of her mouth were: "oh I'm so sorry but I'm not your nurse today, BUT you'll be with Karen and you'll be just fine". I didn't take this to mean anything at the time but looking back I think it was her way of knowing she was a better nurse than Karen. Okay not better, DIFFERENT. Looking back it almost seemed like a disclaimer of sorts. And it made sense. Karen was great, don't get me wrong but once I had the chance to compare her to the other nurses she was just more checked out than the others. Kind of detached. Not mean or anything but just "there". She blew a vessel putting in my IV lock which still hurts today. :-/ I found out those are pretty common but MAN DOES IT HURT!
This is the part of the story that gets a bit graphic so go on carefully. :-)
By 10AM it was time to begin the induction. I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced when Nurse Ratched very aggressively inserted the cervadil. Yipes. We were told it takes 12 hours for the cervadil to slowly work in the body so we 3 settled in and waited. Ellen was on, the hubs went for coffee and Nurse Ratched entered in notes to the computer. "Don't Stop Believin'" came on my Pandora station and so what else would I do? You guessed it. Air guitar. The hubs just looked up from his paper and shook his head with a big grin. I mean who plays the air guitar during early labor? I do. :-)
By noon contractions were kicking in pretty hard. So much for a 12 hour period! I was walking around trying all kinds of different positions but mostly it felt like I needed to be on the toilet relieving myself. I wasn't really expecting that feeling but I just had to go with it. Then I began to get cold. REALLY cold. Shivering, can't get warm kind of cold. I put on socks, slippers and 2 blankets. Jill came in to check on me and brought in the reclining chair from another room. The pain was starting. The contractions began coming one on top of the other and I couldn't find a comfortable position. What Megan Bunch DIDN'T tell me was that sometimes you can't FIND a comfortable position. It was time to start talking about pain meds. Nurse Ratched inserted something into my IV and I felt a little better. For about an hour. Then it started up all over again so I got a little more. That wore off in 30 minutes and Nurse Ratched just sat at the computer entering notes. I don't know what I expected her to do but by that time a shift change was about to take place and in walked Nurse Sue and Nurse Louise. The energy in the room immediately shifted. They walked in and I just KNEW I was going to be alright.
Sue and Louise had already seen my chart and knew these contractions were just ridiculous and that I was in pain. "Okay let's give a higher dose of fentanyl."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I looked at Nurse Ratched and almost threw up. I mean HELLLOOO! I was in too much pain to do anything but thank her over and over even though I was incredibly relieved that her shift was up.
The fentanyl wore off fairly quickly and it was time to talk Epidural. Nurse Louise came in and let me know that I wasn't quite dilated enough but that my doctor had to come in to check me and give the go ahead. She also warned us that the anesthesiologist was in the OR due to an emergency and wouldn't be available for a long time.
GULP
But, she also said they'd call the anesthesiologist on call.
PHEW!
What I remember today about the hardest part of my labor was my mom sitting at the foot of the bed continually rubbing my feet and calves making me comfortable and my hubs on my left side breathing with me, looking me in the eye and connecting in a way we've never experienced. Sure I was in pain, but looking back it was a pretty amazing time.
While we waited for my doctor and my cervix to dilate, I had to practice what I'd learn in class and how to manage my pain and not give in to the fear and pain. Thinking back I'm pretty proud of myself. I only remember going to that deep dark place twice and the first time I was able to get myself back. I knew once I let the "I can't do this" thought take over it would be bad. Really bad. So as my mind started to veer off into the negativity I just closed my eyes and decided to focus on breathing. Because I really didn't have any other choice. The second time went like this:
Me: "whoooo haaaaaaa whooooo haaaa"
rolling over to my left side
"I CAN'T do this. I'm not going to be ABLE to do this"
Nurse Louise: not looking up from her computer entry "Okay sweetie, ya wanna just pack it in and go home now?"
The hubs looked at me with eyes as big as the moon yet all I could do was keep breathing. I hated Nurse Louise.
But she was right. And we all knew it. Even though I still stood up, straightened my gown walked straight to her sitting at that damn computer and slapped her across the face.
Okay so that didn't happen in real life. But it sure as shit did in my imagination. I mean, honestly!
Around 5PM in walks Dr. Percivil. I swear when he entered the room there was a holy choir humming and a light of angels all around him. He may have even been walking on air, I'm not totally sure. But all I know is I speak for my hubs and my mom and Nurse Louise that we were ALL happy to see him. Dr. Percivil is a handsome man in his late 50s early 60s maybe. He was wearing pressed khaki pants a black collared golf shirt and black dress shoes. Sharp dresser for an on call deal.
When it came time for the epidural I don't remember being nervous. I think it helped tremendously that we had gone through the birthing classes that explained how it all worked. I wasn't even scared of the needle. :)
Can I tell you how fast the epidural kicked in? WOW. I was able to talk and laugh and be myself again. Dr. Percivil stayed for a good hour as I thanked him endlessly.
Did I say "thanked"? I meant rambled
Me: Dr. Percivil? That's your name? Did you know that Percivil is from Greek Mythology? You're like a God.
Dr. Percivil: Uh no, I think you meant King Arthur. Percivil was one of the knights...."
Me: Yeah, that's what I said! Well, I feel great. Mom, don't I LOOK better? Dr. Percivil, do you drink? MOM go get him a margarita! It's cinco de mayo! No, seriously Dr. Percivil, as soon as I'm done here we're taking you to dinner. I feel GREAT! Are you married? you are? Does your wife know how awesome you are? I hope she knows! You think YOU'RE the lucky one? Oh wow. Is SHE an anesthesiologist too? Wait, you're taking her WHERE? AWWW Babe, he's taking her to MAUI! Dr. Percivil, we LOVE Maui! My best friend got married there, at the Fairmont Kai Lani! That's where YOU'RE staying? WOW I really hope your wife knows what a catch you are.
Then he and mom got on to talking about Apple products and I think by then they decided to finally gag me.
Shortly after the epidural was in I felt some sort of prick in my lower left back side. I begged the hubs to look and all he and Nurse Louise saw was the tape holding the epidural in and that had to stay put. But it wasn't topical. It felt like something was poking me. But no one could find anything. As time went on we finally realized that the pain came with each contraction. I don't know when it happened but it was determined that this part of my body was not numbed. We tried to turn me onto my left side to try and drain the epidural to that spot but the baby's heart rate quickly dropped. At the time I didn't realize it but now that I remember, Nurse Louise had a very serious expression on her face as she put the oxygen mask on me. It wouldn't come off until the baby was born.
Soon it was time for Nurse Louise to go home.
Me: Please stay, please please PLEASE!
Nurse Louise: Well I can stay but my shift is over and I won't be on the clock
Me: Well I don't want you to not be paid but I also don't want you to leave. But you should go home and be with your family. Thank you for everything and I really, REALLY mean it.
Nurse Louise left but she did call after the baby was born to check in on us. It was pretty special.
So you may be nervous about yet another shift change. But don't be. I don't even remember Nurse Louise leaving because in came Melissa. Melissa is adorable and not much older than me. She came in as if she had been there all day. She tried to help drain the epdiural by turning me on my left side but again the baby's heart rate dropped:
Melissa: Okay, Shawn you hold this and press the button to release more meds when I give the word. Care, you turn on your side okay?
Me: Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that for the past 2 hours I could have been pressing this little button for more meds? I mean seriously?
Both Melissa and the hubs got that annoying serious tone instructing me not to. Whatevs.
We had to immediately turn back over once the baby's heart rate dropped but by then I was just about fully dilated and ready to push.
I looked at the hubs with great big eyes as they started taking the bed apart, turning on the heat light and prepping the newborn nurses.
"Are you ready?" I asked him with a big grin and excited smile.
Melissa showed me how to hold behind my legs and how to breath while I pushed. The amazing silver lining to the un-numbed area was that I was feeling the contractions and would be able to push on my own without requiring the nurses to rely on the machine to tell us. I was able to get the best of both a natural child birth and an epidural. Mostly epidural, yes. But I am so thankful for the experience to know when to push.
I pushed for about an hour making jokes and doing my best to rest in between pushing. It was important to rest because after my first round of pushing Dr. Taylor looked up at me and said there was a big chance she'd need to bring out the vacuum. She went over the side effects and how rare they were. I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, through the oxygyn mask I said "Dr. Taylor. I trust you IMPLICITLY but my baby isn't going to need that. We just made a deal."
And my baby didn't need that.
The energy coming from my hubs, Melissa and Karen my nurses and Dr. Taylor was so positive and so invigorating. After every push I had them all cheering me on telling me what a great job I was doing. It was the most amazing hour of my life. And the biggest rush. I was able to ENJOY my delivery. We were laughing and crying and joking all throughout when finally I felt the baby's head, shoulders and body enter this world. I'll never in my life forget that feeling. Ever.
I squealed with joy begging the hubs to tell me, tell me, TELL ME if we had a boy or a girl. Begging so much that I actually annoyed my own self. He was waiting for the doctor to finish up. Finish up untying the cord which had wrapped around the baby's head twice and body once. No one of course told me any of this was going on and I was in such a heightened version of reality that I had no clue. Except that I couldn't hear the baby crying. Why wasn't the baby crying? And did I have a girl or a boy?
The hubs finally leaned over with glassy eyes and a smile as big as his face and whispered "we have a boy". I lost it. I leaned into him and bawled my eyes out growing so impatient to hold him.
The baby wasn't crying because he had swallowed some meconium and they needed to clean out his lungs first. Once I heard that sweet voice for the first time I lost it all over again. I longed to hold him and see him. It wasn't long before they brought him over to me and let us bond skin to skin. Just like those videos Megan Bunch showed us he found his own way to my breast and attempted to latch on. It was incredible. I never believed it would happen but it had. Before my very own eyes. He hasn't stopped eating since!
Melissa took my sweet baby over to the newborn station in our room and let his nurse clean him up. When she brought him back to me, she helped him latch on again and offered to find me something to eat. It was the best bowl of raisin bran I've ever eaten in my life. I'm not even kidding. I inhaled that cereal like Winston shark attacking his rawhide.
We took in some family but were obviously incredibly exhausted. By the time we were moved to our recovery suite it was well past midnight and we were all beat. Bo slept most of the night like they said he would.
I know this post has been incredibly long, so in short Bo was the best thing I've ever done. May 5, 2011 was my best day.
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