Well it's official. I am now a full time mama. Special shout out to the hubs who not only made the call that this move was 'best for our family' but put countdown reminders in my bag o' tricks (aka my pumping gear) all last week. My first day has been nothing short of perfect. Waking up with Bo on the weekends had become such a treat that today just felt like Sunday again.
I think of all the things I have to be grateful for, this is the biggest. Being able to quit my job and stay home is something I always wanted but didn't think I could do. I've been so incredibly blessed to have been able to rely on Granny to stay with Bo while I worked...another thing I had always dreamed of having. I was telling the hubs that it's so incredibly rare in life to be able to "plan" things and have them go exactly the way you had hoped. I haven't let a day go by without acknowledging just how blessed I am.
So what do I plan to do with my time besides taking care of the littlest love of my life? Get skinny and have a clean house duh. :-P
Here's to a new chapter in this whirlwind of a life. Happy Days!!
xo
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Mama at Work
So things are going just fine at work. My first week was probably the roughest, most emotional week I've experienced in a long while. I promised myself that I wouldn't be "that mom" who cries at her desk at work.
Blink
Blink
Blink
Yes, yes you know me so well. I was THAT mom but in my defense it was only after I had not one but TWO mamas come over to my desk at the SAME time asking "so how is it GOING?" that I lost it. At least I was in good company, right? My tears dropped down my face while they advised be about finding a "new normal" and it gets better, I PROMISE. I was so doubtful. They left and I tried to get myself together as I pretended to be REALLY busy.
Later I had to find out where I could go to pump. I was told it is California state law that my company provide a private place called a lactation room to pump. I sent facilities a message who returned my email with a phone call and very STERN "it's NOT a lactation room. We CALL IT a MOTHER'S room now."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I don't really give a rip WHAT it's called can you just tell me where it's located? Jeesh.
Turns out it's located 2 floors beneath me but I first have to check the key out from the receptionist on the first floor. Convenient, no but the law doesn't require that it be convenient. Which is fine really, I just wish it weren't as cold as a sterile hospital room in there. State law also doesn't require it be a comfortable spot as well I suppose. It's a room about the size of a hall closet with barely enough room to fit a chair facing a fridge. With my knees hitting my chest I pulled out all my pump goodies. Plug in the pump to the wall, attach the bottles to the shields, attach the bottles to the pump, put on the ever-so-lovely hands free bra and let the magic begin. It's a real racket kids. :-) It's probably the biggest commitment I've ever made physically. Plus it gets me out of work 3 times a day. What? Like sitting at a desk is soooooo important.
The only downside to the pumping besides all the traveling between floors is that the bottles we use don't fit the pump. Which brings me to this awesome giveaway on Mom Mart. She's giving away a pump that does fit our bottles. So wish me luck! And if you are my friend who's pregnant check it out and try to win one for yourself. Or don't be so selfish and let me have a greater chance of winning. Kay? :-P
Pumping is great for someone like me because I get an instant result to a task. Oh, we need 16 oz a day? Done. It's very satisfying to accomplish this. I never thought I'd feel so good about pumping. It's become second nature and sad at the same time. I mean it's just weird to think of my boobs having a JOB. Well besides the you know, obvious job our lady bits have. I try not to think about it too hard. Having a baby takes a toll on your sexuality and if it doesn't well great for you but you're a liar.
Bo's thriving and loves his bottles while secretly I wish I had an excuse to stay home with him. Not all babies take the bottle as easily and haveno freedom at all to constantly provide their boobs.
See it's finding the silver lining folks.....
Blink
Blink
Blink
Yes, yes you know me so well. I was THAT mom but in my defense it was only after I had not one but TWO mamas come over to my desk at the SAME time asking "so how is it GOING?" that I lost it. At least I was in good company, right? My tears dropped down my face while they advised be about finding a "new normal" and it gets better, I PROMISE. I was so doubtful. They left and I tried to get myself together as I pretended to be REALLY busy.
Later I had to find out where I could go to pump. I was told it is California state law that my company provide a private place called a lactation room to pump. I sent facilities a message who returned my email with a phone call and very STERN "it's NOT a lactation room. We CALL IT a MOTHER'S room now."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I don't really give a rip WHAT it's called can you just tell me where it's located? Jeesh.
Turns out it's located 2 floors beneath me but I first have to check the key out from the receptionist on the first floor. Convenient, no but the law doesn't require that it be convenient. Which is fine really, I just wish it weren't as cold as a sterile hospital room in there. State law also doesn't require it be a comfortable spot as well I suppose. It's a room about the size of a hall closet with barely enough room to fit a chair facing a fridge. With my knees hitting my chest I pulled out all my pump goodies. Plug in the pump to the wall, attach the bottles to the shields, attach the bottles to the pump, put on the ever-so-lovely hands free bra and let the magic begin. It's a real racket kids. :-) It's probably the biggest commitment I've ever made physically. Plus it gets me out of work 3 times a day. What? Like sitting at a desk is soooooo important.
The only downside to the pumping besides all the traveling between floors is that the bottles we use don't fit the pump. Which brings me to this awesome giveaway on Mom Mart. She's giving away a pump that does fit our bottles. So wish me luck! And if you are my friend who's pregnant check it out and try to win one for yourself. Or don't be so selfish and let me have a greater chance of winning. Kay? :-P
Pumping is great for someone like me because I get an instant result to a task. Oh, we need 16 oz a day? Done. It's very satisfying to accomplish this. I never thought I'd feel so good about pumping. It's become second nature and sad at the same time. I mean it's just weird to think of my boobs having a JOB. Well besides the you know, obvious job our lady bits have. I try not to think about it too hard. Having a baby takes a toll on your sexuality and if it doesn't well great for you but you're a liar.
Bo's thriving and loves his bottles while secretly I wish I had an excuse to stay home with him. Not all babies take the bottle as easily and have
See it's finding the silver lining folks.....
Friday, September 2, 2011
Wow...
Okay so it's been WAY too long. :-( Here's a quick recap of events lately:
We took a vacation to Pismo last week for one last hurrah before I go back to work next week. Yay for Pismo BOO for going back to work. It was so great to get out of town and Bo had a blast. We took him swimming for the first time and he loved it. He was super tired after splashing all around and watching the big kids. The hubs and I talked about crashing the two weddings taking place but lost our nerve at the last minute. Bo would have made a fantastic ring bearer. :-)
I've updated our Flickr site with a few pics of Bo in his swim trunks. What a chunk!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/careblackwood/sets/72157627261602800/
Bo's been growing a ton and laughing a little more every day. His activities of late are putting toys in his mouth and watching Winston. I'm pretty sure he's going to grow up thinking his dog's name is "OFF! NOW!". Mama's activities lately are attending the new mom's breastfeeding group at Dominican and doing the whole "ladies who lunch" afterward with our brood. It's been a life saver having so much support in Surf City. I'm also still signing up daily for any free giveaways I can. Speaking of which, Tommee Tippee is giving away a free something-or-other and I get 3, yes 3 entries for mentioning it here! http://www.whyclothdiaper.com/?p=497 How fun is that?
Speaking of cloth diapers, yes, we're still using them and the diaper service is AWESOME. The hubs is over it though and since he has the night shift I don't mind. He can wrap that babe up in whatever he wants at 2AM. Kay?
I am mostly living in a land of bliss and adoration of my little guy. It's been an amazing time and I'm enjoying every second. It's hard to imagine how much has changed in the last 4 months, and I could never imagined how grateful and honored I am every day. In fact, I'm such a sap that as I was watching the MTV Video awards ( a day late; thanks DVR!!) I completely lost it and began bawling like a baby when Beyonce finished her song to reveal and rub her belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I say? I've definitely found a new appreciation for pregnancy.
I'll leave you for now with what I think is one of the funniest exchanges my hubs and I have had in the last week.
Scene: Care in the bathtub with Bo holding him face up with his bum and back lying flat in the water. Hubs is sitting next to the tub reading a print out of some new process at work. Bo is flailing his chubby arms hitting himself in the chest.
Care: HA! This is hilarious! Look babe he's hitting his chest with his own arms!
Babe! Look!
The hubs looks up for a brief moment and smiles. Bo continues to pound his own chest.
Care: HA! He looks like godzilla babe! Seriously! Look! He's Godzilla!
Hubs: reading his paperwork You mean King Kong.
Care: Haha look at him he's gettin' real wild now! Oh whatever, King Kong, Godzilla, same diff!
Hubs: still not looking up from his work Godzilla was a lizard. You mean King Kong because he's the ape.
I don't know why I laughed so hard, I think it was because he never looked up or missed a beat. And Godzilla IS a lot different than King Kong. I mean how is a lizard gonna have arms/digits WHATEVER long enough to pound his own chest.
Maybe you had to be there.....
We took a vacation to Pismo last week for one last hurrah before I go back to work next week. Yay for Pismo BOO for going back to work. It was so great to get out of town and Bo had a blast. We took him swimming for the first time and he loved it. He was super tired after splashing all around and watching the big kids. The hubs and I talked about crashing the two weddings taking place but lost our nerve at the last minute. Bo would have made a fantastic ring bearer. :-)
I've updated our Flickr site with a few pics of Bo in his swim trunks. What a chunk!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/careblackwood/sets/72157627261602800/
Bo's been growing a ton and laughing a little more every day. His activities of late are putting toys in his mouth and watching Winston. I'm pretty sure he's going to grow up thinking his dog's name is "OFF! NOW!". Mama's activities lately are attending the new mom's breastfeeding group at Dominican and doing the whole "ladies who lunch" afterward with our brood. It's been a life saver having so much support in Surf City. I'm also still signing up daily for any free giveaways I can. Speaking of which, Tommee Tippee is giving away a free something-or-other and I get 3, yes 3 entries for mentioning it here! http://www.whyclothdiaper.com/?p=497 How fun is that?
Speaking of cloth diapers, yes, we're still using them and the diaper service is AWESOME. The hubs is over it though and since he has the night shift I don't mind. He can wrap that babe up in whatever he wants at 2AM. Kay?
I am mostly living in a land of bliss and adoration of my little guy. It's been an amazing time and I'm enjoying every second. It's hard to imagine how much has changed in the last 4 months, and I could never imagined how grateful and honored I am every day. In fact, I'm such a sap that as I was watching the MTV Video awards ( a day late; thanks DVR!!) I completely lost it and began bawling like a baby when Beyonce finished her song to reveal and rub her belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I say? I've definitely found a new appreciation for pregnancy.
I'll leave you for now with what I think is one of the funniest exchanges my hubs and I have had in the last week.
Scene: Care in the bathtub with Bo holding him face up with his bum and back lying flat in the water. Hubs is sitting next to the tub reading a print out of some new process at work. Bo is flailing his chubby arms hitting himself in the chest.
Care: HA! This is hilarious! Look babe he's hitting his chest with his own arms!
Babe! Look!
The hubs looks up for a brief moment and smiles. Bo continues to pound his own chest.
Care: HA! He looks like godzilla babe! Seriously! Look! He's Godzilla!
Hubs: reading his paperwork You mean King Kong.
Care: Haha look at him he's gettin' real wild now! Oh whatever, King Kong, Godzilla, same diff!
Hubs: still not looking up from his work Godzilla was a lizard. You mean King Kong because he's the ape.
I don't know why I laughed so hard, I think it was because he never looked up or missed a beat. And Godzilla IS a lot different than King Kong. I mean how is a lizard gonna have arms/digits WHATEVER long enough to pound his own chest.
Maybe you had to be there.....
Thursday, July 14, 2011
P.S.
I worked pretty hard on Bo's birthing playlist. In case you were wondering he was born to "Sweet Disposition" by Temper Trap and was given to me during "Good Life" by OneRepublic. Very fitting.
Sweet Disposition
Good Life
Sweet Disposition
Good Life
Birth Story Part 2
Thursday May 5, 2011 was my best day.
We had gotten to bed pretty early the night before but were awfully giggly knowing I would be going in the next morning to be induced. We finished packing the bag and placed it in the car and got the dogs prepared for school (Winston) and for babysitting (Oscar). We allowed both of them to sleep in the bed for the last time and made sure they had special food for dinner. The hubs picked out a couple of baby blankets to bring with us to get the baby's smell on so he could deliver them to Winston while he was at school. The hubs was a teeny bit concerned about how Winston would do with the new baby and wanted to get him used to the smell of the baby before we were all home.
I attribute the night before my induction to the night before our wedding. It was filled with every emotion I could probably feel. I was anxious and excited, nervous and ready. The hubs set the alarm for 6 but I think we had both been dozing in and out of sleep all night and were up before the alarm went off. I took a shower, blew out my hair (for what I thought would be the last time in a LONG time) and even put on some makeup. :-) Of course this takes me much longer than usual with a 10 month grown baby slowing me down, so we didn't walk out of the house until quarter to 8.
Our appointment was at 8 and traffic in SC county is a joke between half past 7 and 10AM. On the way I mentioned how bad I felt that we didn't have anything for the nurses. It was our last time going in to see them after all of our weekly Non-Stress Tests and we loved bringing them breakfast. I knew we were late since we still had to drop off Winston but smiled a great big grin when the hubs got off the freeway one exit early. I knew what he was going for: bagels. Oh, and not just ANY bagels, but THE BAGELRY bagels. They're a local bagel joint known for their fantastic bagels and schmear. Needless to say we were going to be really late. 40 minutes late to be exact.
As we pulled into the valet parking line (Oh, yeah we're THAT posh at my hospital!) Dog Days came on my playlist and I got to have a sweet text conversation with my soul mate before going in. I turned it up and let the baby hear it one more time in utero while the hubs unloaded the car. It felt like we were on vacation and were getting ready to check into the most luxurious hotel on Kauai. We were both grinning ear to ear when we saw our good friend Megan and her sister walking our way. Their mom had been admitted to the same hospital and they were diligently visiting her when we got there. It was kind of special to know that while we of course wished Margaret was NOT at the hospital, Megan was just a few hallways down. She has been one of our biggest cheerleaders; first when we got engaged then married and now pregnant. There's something to be said for the friends in your life you know are GENUINELY happy for you and Megan is one of those friends.
Wow that took a LONG time to describe us getting from home to the hospital. ;-)
Anyhow, we finally walk in the hospital and I hear the hubs say "Hi Franny!" I could feel the panic hit my face. She had sent me a text asking what time I went in that morning and I told her 8 AM and that I would call her at noon when she was off work to update her and have her come then. I was half ecstatic to see her and half not.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I know I sound like an awful daughter right about now, but hear me out. Franny is one of the most positive people you'll EVER know. BUT she is also kind of fearful of the things she doesn't know much about. Like inductions. "Well, YOU were 3 weeks late Cares. Doctors just didn't force things back then. I don't know why they have to INDUCE" is what she has repeatedly said to me. I had to prep her from the very beginning of my pregnancy for this day when the doctor found Bo's double vessel cord. She warned us we probably wouldn't make it past 38 weeks without requiring and induction and here we were 4 days past my due date! Long story short, I was nervous that Franny and her VERY vocal opinions would cause stress in the labor room. I did my best to put on my poker face and the three of us headed in to be admitted.
We headed to the nurses station and found Dr. Taylor playing the frog version of angry birds. :-) I TOLD you I had the best doctor. We dropped of the bagels and waited for my room assignment.
Jill had seen us the Sunday prior for my last NST and greeted us. The first words out of her mouth were: "oh I'm so sorry but I'm not your nurse today, BUT you'll be with Karen and you'll be just fine". I didn't take this to mean anything at the time but looking back I think it was her way of knowing she was a better nurse than Karen. Okay not better, DIFFERENT. Looking back it almost seemed like a disclaimer of sorts. And it made sense. Karen was great, don't get me wrong but once I had the chance to compare her to the other nurses she was just more checked out than the others. Kind of detached. Not mean or anything but just "there". She blew a vessel putting in my IV lock which still hurts today. :-/ I found out those are pretty common but MAN DOES IT HURT!
This is the part of the story that gets a bit graphic so go on carefully. :-)
By 10AM it was time to begin the induction. I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced when Nurse Ratched very aggressively inserted the cervadil. Yipes. We were told it takes 12 hours for the cervadil to slowly work in the body so we 3 settled in and waited. Ellen was on, the hubs went for coffee and Nurse Ratched entered in notes to the computer. "Don't Stop Believin'" came on my Pandora station and so what else would I do? You guessed it. Air guitar. The hubs just looked up from his paper and shook his head with a big grin. I mean who plays the air guitar during early labor? I do. :-)
By noon contractions were kicking in pretty hard. So much for a 12 hour period! I was walking around trying all kinds of different positions but mostly it felt like I needed to be on the toilet relieving myself. I wasn't really expecting that feeling but I just had to go with it. Then I began to get cold. REALLY cold. Shivering, can't get warm kind of cold. I put on socks, slippers and 2 blankets. Jill came in to check on me and brought in the reclining chair from another room. The pain was starting. The contractions began coming one on top of the other and I couldn't find a comfortable position. What Megan Bunch DIDN'T tell me was that sometimes you can't FIND a comfortable position. It was time to start talking about pain meds. Nurse Ratched inserted something into my IV and I felt a little better. For about an hour. Then it started up all over again so I got a little more. That wore off in 30 minutes and Nurse Ratched just sat at the computer entering notes. I don't know what I expected her to do but by that time a shift change was about to take place and in walked Nurse Sue and Nurse Louise. The energy in the room immediately shifted. They walked in and I just KNEW I was going to be alright.
Sue and Louise had already seen my chart and knew these contractions were just ridiculous and that I was in pain. "Okay let's give a higher dose of fentanyl."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I looked at Nurse Ratched and almost threw up. I mean HELLLOOO! I was in too much pain to do anything but thank her over and over even though I was incredibly relieved that her shift was up.
The fentanyl wore off fairly quickly and it was time to talk Epidural. Nurse Louise came in and let me know that I wasn't quite dilated enough but that my doctor had to come in to check me and give the go ahead. She also warned us that the anesthesiologist was in the OR due to an emergency and wouldn't be available for a long time.
GULP
But, she also said they'd call the anesthesiologist on call.
PHEW!
What I remember today about the hardest part of my labor was my mom sitting at the foot of the bed continually rubbing my feet and calves making me comfortable and my hubs on my left side breathing with me, looking me in the eye and connecting in a way we've never experienced. Sure I was in pain, but looking back it was a pretty amazing time.
While we waited for my doctor and my cervix to dilate, I had to practice what I'd learn in class and how to manage my pain and not give in to the fear and pain. Thinking back I'm pretty proud of myself. I only remember going to that deep dark place twice and the first time I was able to get myself back. I knew once I let the "I can't do this" thought take over it would be bad. Really bad. So as my mind started to veer off into the negativity I just closed my eyes and decided to focus on breathing. Because I really didn't have any other choice. The second time went like this:
Me: "whoooo haaaaaaa whooooo haaaa"
rolling over to my left side
"I CAN'T do this. I'm not going to be ABLE to do this"
Nurse Louise: not looking up from her computer entry "Okay sweetie, ya wanna just pack it in and go home now?"
The hubs looked at me with eyes as big as the moon yet all I could do was keep breathing. I hated Nurse Louise.
But she was right. And we all knew it. Even though I still stood up, straightened my gown walked straight to her sitting at that damn computer and slapped her across the face.
Okay so that didn't happen in real life. But it sure as shit did in my imagination. I mean, honestly!
Around 5PM in walks Dr. Percivil. I swear when he entered the room there was a holy choir humming and a light of angels all around him. He may have even been walking on air, I'm not totally sure. But all I know is I speak for my hubs and my mom and Nurse Louise that we were ALL happy to see him. Dr. Percivil is a handsome man in his late 50s early 60s maybe. He was wearing pressed khaki pants a black collared golf shirt and black dress shoes. Sharp dresser for an on call deal.
When it came time for the epidural I don't remember being nervous. I think it helped tremendously that we had gone through the birthing classes that explained how it all worked. I wasn't even scared of the needle. :)
Can I tell you how fast the epidural kicked in? WOW. I was able to talk and laugh and be myself again. Dr. Percivil stayed for a good hour as I thanked him endlessly.
Did I say "thanked"? I meant rambled
Me: Dr. Percivil? That's your name? Did you know that Percivil is from Greek Mythology? You're like a God.
Dr. Percivil: Uh no, I think you meant King Arthur. Percivil was one of the knights...."
Me: Yeah, that's what I said! Well, I feel great. Mom, don't I LOOK better? Dr. Percivil, do you drink? MOM go get him a margarita! It's cinco de mayo! No, seriously Dr. Percivil, as soon as I'm done here we're taking you to dinner. I feel GREAT! Are you married? you are? Does your wife know how awesome you are? I hope she knows! You think YOU'RE the lucky one? Oh wow. Is SHE an anesthesiologist too? Wait, you're taking her WHERE? AWWW Babe, he's taking her to MAUI! Dr. Percivil, we LOVE Maui! My best friend got married there, at the Fairmont Kai Lani! That's where YOU'RE staying? WOW I really hope your wife knows what a catch you are.
Then he and mom got on to talking about Apple products and I think by then they decided to finally gag me.
Shortly after the epidural was in I felt some sort of prick in my lower left back side. I begged the hubs to look and all he and Nurse Louise saw was the tape holding the epidural in and that had to stay put. But it wasn't topical. It felt like something was poking me. But no one could find anything. As time went on we finally realized that the pain came with each contraction. I don't know when it happened but it was determined that this part of my body was not numbed. We tried to turn me onto my left side to try and drain the epidural to that spot but the baby's heart rate quickly dropped. At the time I didn't realize it but now that I remember, Nurse Louise had a very serious expression on her face as she put the oxygen mask on me. It wouldn't come off until the baby was born.
Soon it was time for Nurse Louise to go home.
Me: Please stay, please please PLEASE!
Nurse Louise: Well I can stay but my shift is over and I won't be on the clock
Me: Well I don't want you to not be paid but I also don't want you to leave. But you should go home and be with your family. Thank you for everything and I really, REALLY mean it.
Nurse Louise left but she did call after the baby was born to check in on us. It was pretty special.
So you may be nervous about yet another shift change. But don't be. I don't even remember Nurse Louise leaving because in came Melissa. Melissa is adorable and not much older than me. She came in as if she had been there all day. She tried to help drain the epdiural by turning me on my left side but again the baby's heart rate dropped:
Melissa: Okay, Shawn you hold this and press the button to release more meds when I give the word. Care, you turn on your side okay?
Me: Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that for the past 2 hours I could have been pressing this little button for more meds? I mean seriously?
Both Melissa and the hubs got that annoying serious tone instructing me not to. Whatevs.
We had to immediately turn back over once the baby's heart rate dropped but by then I was just about fully dilated and ready to push.
I looked at the hubs with great big eyes as they started taking the bed apart, turning on the heat light and prepping the newborn nurses.
"Are you ready?" I asked him with a big grin and excited smile.
Melissa showed me how to hold behind my legs and how to breath while I pushed. The amazing silver lining to the un-numbed area was that I was feeling the contractions and would be able to push on my own without requiring the nurses to rely on the machine to tell us. I was able to get the best of both a natural child birth and an epidural. Mostly epidural, yes. But I am so thankful for the experience to know when to push.
I pushed for about an hour making jokes and doing my best to rest in between pushing. It was important to rest because after my first round of pushing Dr. Taylor looked up at me and said there was a big chance she'd need to bring out the vacuum. She went over the side effects and how rare they were. I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, through the oxygyn mask I said "Dr. Taylor. I trust you IMPLICITLY but my baby isn't going to need that. We just made a deal."
And my baby didn't need that.
The energy coming from my hubs, Melissa and Karen my nurses and Dr. Taylor was so positive and so invigorating. After every push I had them all cheering me on telling me what a great job I was doing. It was the most amazing hour of my life. And the biggest rush. I was able to ENJOY my delivery. We were laughing and crying and joking all throughout when finally I felt the baby's head, shoulders and body enter this world. I'll never in my life forget that feeling. Ever.
I squealed with joy begging the hubs to tell me, tell me, TELL ME if we had a boy or a girl. Begging so much that I actually annoyed my own self. He was waiting for the doctor to finish up. Finish up untying the cord which had wrapped around the baby's head twice and body once. No one of course told me any of this was going on and I was in such a heightened version of reality that I had no clue. Except that I couldn't hear the baby crying. Why wasn't the baby crying? And did I have a girl or a boy?
The hubs finally leaned over with glassy eyes and a smile as big as his face and whispered "we have a boy". I lost it. I leaned into him and bawled my eyes out growing so impatient to hold him.
The baby wasn't crying because he had swallowed some meconium and they needed to clean out his lungs first. Once I heard that sweet voice for the first time I lost it all over again. I longed to hold him and see him. It wasn't long before they brought him over to me and let us bond skin to skin. Just like those videos Megan Bunch showed us he found his own way to my breast and attempted to latch on. It was incredible. I never believed it would happen but it had. Before my very own eyes. He hasn't stopped eating since!
Melissa took my sweet baby over to the newborn station in our room and let his nurse clean him up. When she brought him back to me, she helped him latch on again and offered to find me something to eat. It was the best bowl of raisin bran I've ever eaten in my life. I'm not even kidding. I inhaled that cereal like Winston shark attacking his rawhide.
We took in some family but were obviously incredibly exhausted. By the time we were moved to our recovery suite it was well past midnight and we were all beat. Bo slept most of the night like they said he would.
I know this post has been incredibly long, so in short Bo was the best thing I've ever done. May 5, 2011 was my best day.
We had gotten to bed pretty early the night before but were awfully giggly knowing I would be going in the next morning to be induced. We finished packing the bag and placed it in the car and got the dogs prepared for school (Winston) and for babysitting (Oscar). We allowed both of them to sleep in the bed for the last time and made sure they had special food for dinner. The hubs picked out a couple of baby blankets to bring with us to get the baby's smell on so he could deliver them to Winston while he was at school. The hubs was a teeny bit concerned about how Winston would do with the new baby and wanted to get him used to the smell of the baby before we were all home.
I attribute the night before my induction to the night before our wedding. It was filled with every emotion I could probably feel. I was anxious and excited, nervous and ready. The hubs set the alarm for 6 but I think we had both been dozing in and out of sleep all night and were up before the alarm went off. I took a shower, blew out my hair (for what I thought would be the last time in a LONG time) and even put on some makeup. :-) Of course this takes me much longer than usual with a 10 month grown baby slowing me down, so we didn't walk out of the house until quarter to 8.
Our appointment was at 8 and traffic in SC county is a joke between half past 7 and 10AM. On the way I mentioned how bad I felt that we didn't have anything for the nurses. It was our last time going in to see them after all of our weekly Non-Stress Tests and we loved bringing them breakfast. I knew we were late since we still had to drop off Winston but smiled a great big grin when the hubs got off the freeway one exit early. I knew what he was going for: bagels. Oh, and not just ANY bagels, but THE BAGELRY bagels. They're a local bagel joint known for their fantastic bagels and schmear. Needless to say we were going to be really late. 40 minutes late to be exact.
As we pulled into the valet parking line (Oh, yeah we're THAT posh at my hospital!) Dog Days came on my playlist and I got to have a sweet text conversation with my soul mate before going in. I turned it up and let the baby hear it one more time in utero while the hubs unloaded the car. It felt like we were on vacation and were getting ready to check into the most luxurious hotel on Kauai. We were both grinning ear to ear when we saw our good friend Megan and her sister walking our way. Their mom had been admitted to the same hospital and they were diligently visiting her when we got there. It was kind of special to know that while we of course wished Margaret was NOT at the hospital, Megan was just a few hallways down. She has been one of our biggest cheerleaders; first when we got engaged then married and now pregnant. There's something to be said for the friends in your life you know are GENUINELY happy for you and Megan is one of those friends.
Wow that took a LONG time to describe us getting from home to the hospital. ;-)
Anyhow, we finally walk in the hospital and I hear the hubs say "Hi Franny!" I could feel the panic hit my face. She had sent me a text asking what time I went in that morning and I told her 8 AM and that I would call her at noon when she was off work to update her and have her come then. I was half ecstatic to see her and half not.
Blink
Blink
Blink
I know I sound like an awful daughter right about now, but hear me out. Franny is one of the most positive people you'll EVER know. BUT she is also kind of fearful of the things she doesn't know much about. Like inductions. "Well, YOU were 3 weeks late Cares. Doctors just didn't force things back then. I don't know why they have to INDUCE" is what she has repeatedly said to me. I had to prep her from the very beginning of my pregnancy for this day when the doctor found Bo's double vessel cord. She warned us we probably wouldn't make it past 38 weeks without requiring and induction and here we were 4 days past my due date! Long story short, I was nervous that Franny and her VERY vocal opinions would cause stress in the labor room. I did my best to put on my poker face and the three of us headed in to be admitted.
We headed to the nurses station and found Dr. Taylor playing the frog version of angry birds. :-) I TOLD you I had the best doctor. We dropped of the bagels and waited for my room assignment.
Jill had seen us the Sunday prior for my last NST and greeted us. The first words out of her mouth were: "oh I'm so sorry but I'm not your nurse today, BUT you'll be with Karen and you'll be just fine". I didn't take this to mean anything at the time but looking back I think it was her way of knowing she was a better nurse than Karen. Okay not better, DIFFERENT. Looking back it almost seemed like a disclaimer of sorts. And it made sense. Karen was great, don't get me wrong but once I had the chance to compare her to the other nurses she was just more checked out than the others. Kind of detached. Not mean or anything but just "there". She blew a vessel putting in my IV lock which still hurts today. :-/ I found out those are pretty common but MAN DOES IT HURT!
This is the part of the story that gets a bit graphic so go on carefully. :-)
By 10AM it was time to begin the induction. I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced when Nurse Ratched very aggressively inserted the cervadil. Yipes. We were told it takes 12 hours for the cervadil to slowly work in the body so we 3 settled in and waited. Ellen was on, the hubs went for coffee and Nurse Ratched entered in notes to the computer. "Don't Stop Believin'" came on my Pandora station and so what else would I do? You guessed it. Air guitar. The hubs just looked up from his paper and shook his head with a big grin. I mean who plays the air guitar during early labor? I do. :-)
By noon contractions were kicking in pretty hard. So much for a 12 hour period! I was walking around trying all kinds of different positions but mostly it felt like I needed to be on the toilet relieving myself. I wasn't really expecting that feeling but I just had to go with it. Then I began to get cold. REALLY cold. Shivering, can't get warm kind of cold. I put on socks, slippers and 2 blankets. Jill came in to check on me and brought in the reclining chair from another room. The pain was starting. The contractions began coming one on top of the other and I couldn't find a comfortable position. What Megan Bunch DIDN'T tell me was that sometimes you can't FIND a comfortable position. It was time to start talking about pain meds. Nurse Ratched inserted something into my IV and I felt a little better. For about an hour. Then it started up all over again so I got a little more. That wore off in 30 minutes and Nurse Ratched just sat at the computer entering notes. I don't know what I expected her to do but by that time a shift change was about to take place and in walked Nurse Sue and Nurse Louise. The energy in the room immediately shifted. They walked in and I just KNEW I was going to be alright.
Sue and Louise had already seen my chart and knew these contractions were just ridiculous and that I was in pain. "Okay let's give a higher dose of fentanyl."
Blink
Blink
Blink
I looked at Nurse Ratched and almost threw up. I mean HELLLOOO! I was in too much pain to do anything but thank her over and over even though I was incredibly relieved that her shift was up.
The fentanyl wore off fairly quickly and it was time to talk Epidural. Nurse Louise came in and let me know that I wasn't quite dilated enough but that my doctor had to come in to check me and give the go ahead. She also warned us that the anesthesiologist was in the OR due to an emergency and wouldn't be available for a long time.
GULP
But, she also said they'd call the anesthesiologist on call.
PHEW!
What I remember today about the hardest part of my labor was my mom sitting at the foot of the bed continually rubbing my feet and calves making me comfortable and my hubs on my left side breathing with me, looking me in the eye and connecting in a way we've never experienced. Sure I was in pain, but looking back it was a pretty amazing time.
While we waited for my doctor and my cervix to dilate, I had to practice what I'd learn in class and how to manage my pain and not give in to the fear and pain. Thinking back I'm pretty proud of myself. I only remember going to that deep dark place twice and the first time I was able to get myself back. I knew once I let the "I can't do this" thought take over it would be bad. Really bad. So as my mind started to veer off into the negativity I just closed my eyes and decided to focus on breathing. Because I really didn't have any other choice. The second time went like this:
Me: "whoooo haaaaaaa whooooo haaaa"
rolling over to my left side
"I CAN'T do this. I'm not going to be ABLE to do this"
Nurse Louise: not looking up from her computer entry "Okay sweetie, ya wanna just pack it in and go home now?"
The hubs looked at me with eyes as big as the moon yet all I could do was keep breathing. I hated Nurse Louise.
But she was right. And we all knew it. Even though I still stood up, straightened my gown walked straight to her sitting at that damn computer and slapped her across the face.
Okay so that didn't happen in real life. But it sure as shit did in my imagination. I mean, honestly!
Around 5PM in walks Dr. Percivil. I swear when he entered the room there was a holy choir humming and a light of angels all around him. He may have even been walking on air, I'm not totally sure. But all I know is I speak for my hubs and my mom and Nurse Louise that we were ALL happy to see him. Dr. Percivil is a handsome man in his late 50s early 60s maybe. He was wearing pressed khaki pants a black collared golf shirt and black dress shoes. Sharp dresser for an on call deal.
When it came time for the epidural I don't remember being nervous. I think it helped tremendously that we had gone through the birthing classes that explained how it all worked. I wasn't even scared of the needle. :)
Can I tell you how fast the epidural kicked in? WOW. I was able to talk and laugh and be myself again. Dr. Percivil stayed for a good hour as I thanked him endlessly.
Did I say "thanked"? I meant rambled
Me: Dr. Percivil? That's your name? Did you know that Percivil is from Greek Mythology? You're like a God.
Dr. Percivil: Uh no, I think you meant King Arthur. Percivil was one of the knights...."
Me: Yeah, that's what I said! Well, I feel great. Mom, don't I LOOK better? Dr. Percivil, do you drink? MOM go get him a margarita! It's cinco de mayo! No, seriously Dr. Percivil, as soon as I'm done here we're taking you to dinner. I feel GREAT! Are you married? you are? Does your wife know how awesome you are? I hope she knows! You think YOU'RE the lucky one? Oh wow. Is SHE an anesthesiologist too? Wait, you're taking her WHERE? AWWW Babe, he's taking her to MAUI! Dr. Percivil, we LOVE Maui! My best friend got married there, at the Fairmont Kai Lani! That's where YOU'RE staying? WOW I really hope your wife knows what a catch you are.
Then he and mom got on to talking about Apple products and I think by then they decided to finally gag me.
Shortly after the epidural was in I felt some sort of prick in my lower left back side. I begged the hubs to look and all he and Nurse Louise saw was the tape holding the epidural in and that had to stay put. But it wasn't topical. It felt like something was poking me. But no one could find anything. As time went on we finally realized that the pain came with each contraction. I don't know when it happened but it was determined that this part of my body was not numbed. We tried to turn me onto my left side to try and drain the epidural to that spot but the baby's heart rate quickly dropped. At the time I didn't realize it but now that I remember, Nurse Louise had a very serious expression on her face as she put the oxygen mask on me. It wouldn't come off until the baby was born.
Soon it was time for Nurse Louise to go home.
Me: Please stay, please please PLEASE!
Nurse Louise: Well I can stay but my shift is over and I won't be on the clock
Me: Well I don't want you to not be paid but I also don't want you to leave. But you should go home and be with your family. Thank you for everything and I really, REALLY mean it.
Nurse Louise left but she did call after the baby was born to check in on us. It was pretty special.
So you may be nervous about yet another shift change. But don't be. I don't even remember Nurse Louise leaving because in came Melissa. Melissa is adorable and not much older than me. She came in as if she had been there all day. She tried to help drain the epdiural by turning me on my left side but again the baby's heart rate dropped:
Melissa: Okay, Shawn you hold this and press the button to release more meds when I give the word. Care, you turn on your side okay?
Me: Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that for the past 2 hours I could have been pressing this little button for more meds? I mean seriously?
Both Melissa and the hubs got that annoying serious tone instructing me not to. Whatevs.
We had to immediately turn back over once the baby's heart rate dropped but by then I was just about fully dilated and ready to push.
I looked at the hubs with great big eyes as they started taking the bed apart, turning on the heat light and prepping the newborn nurses.
"Are you ready?" I asked him with a big grin and excited smile.
Melissa showed me how to hold behind my legs and how to breath while I pushed. The amazing silver lining to the un-numbed area was that I was feeling the contractions and would be able to push on my own without requiring the nurses to rely on the machine to tell us. I was able to get the best of both a natural child birth and an epidural. Mostly epidural, yes. But I am so thankful for the experience to know when to push.
I pushed for about an hour making jokes and doing my best to rest in between pushing. It was important to rest because after my first round of pushing Dr. Taylor looked up at me and said there was a big chance she'd need to bring out the vacuum. She went over the side effects and how rare they were. I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, through the oxygyn mask I said "Dr. Taylor. I trust you IMPLICITLY but my baby isn't going to need that. We just made a deal."
And my baby didn't need that.
The energy coming from my hubs, Melissa and Karen my nurses and Dr. Taylor was so positive and so invigorating. After every push I had them all cheering me on telling me what a great job I was doing. It was the most amazing hour of my life. And the biggest rush. I was able to ENJOY my delivery. We were laughing and crying and joking all throughout when finally I felt the baby's head, shoulders and body enter this world. I'll never in my life forget that feeling. Ever.
I squealed with joy begging the hubs to tell me, tell me, TELL ME if we had a boy or a girl. Begging so much that I actually annoyed my own self. He was waiting for the doctor to finish up. Finish up untying the cord which had wrapped around the baby's head twice and body once. No one of course told me any of this was going on and I was in such a heightened version of reality that I had no clue. Except that I couldn't hear the baby crying. Why wasn't the baby crying? And did I have a girl or a boy?
The hubs finally leaned over with glassy eyes and a smile as big as his face and whispered "we have a boy". I lost it. I leaned into him and bawled my eyes out growing so impatient to hold him.
The baby wasn't crying because he had swallowed some meconium and they needed to clean out his lungs first. Once I heard that sweet voice for the first time I lost it all over again. I longed to hold him and see him. It wasn't long before they brought him over to me and let us bond skin to skin. Just like those videos Megan Bunch showed us he found his own way to my breast and attempted to latch on. It was incredible. I never believed it would happen but it had. Before my very own eyes. He hasn't stopped eating since!
Melissa took my sweet baby over to the newborn station in our room and let his nurse clean him up. When she brought him back to me, she helped him latch on again and offered to find me something to eat. It was the best bowl of raisin bran I've ever eaten in my life. I'm not even kidding. I inhaled that cereal like Winston shark attacking his rawhide.
We took in some family but were obviously incredibly exhausted. By the time we were moved to our recovery suite it was well past midnight and we were all beat. Bo slept most of the night like they said he would.
I know this post has been incredibly long, so in short Bo was the best thing I've ever done. May 5, 2011 was my best day.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Ergo Baby Carrier Giveaway
So I know I have like, 3 of you who read my blog. :-) BUT if any of you know of anyone with babies, about to have babies or just want to fill up your hope chest, this blog I found recently is giving away an Ergo baby carrier.
The ever so amazing Megan Bunch talked to us about how so many nowadays keep their babies in the car seat carrier deal on the ground versus "wearing" their baby so that the babes might be able to get a real view of life. Of course this triggered me to vow to ALWAYS wear my baby. What? Yeah so I've been pretty good about it because he loves to be so close and it is easier to have my hands free but there are times he chills in his seat and we're all okay with that. :-)
Anyhow, I've got a moby wrap, which I absolutely love but am in the running to win an ergo carrier which will allow sweet baby Bo to see the world from way up high while we're out on our walks and just out and about. Here's the link in case you'd like to forward it on or win one for yourself.
http://www.uniquelynormalmom.com/2011/06/ergobaby-carrier-review-giveaway.html
I'm working on part 2 of my birth story and updates on Bo. He laughed for Shawn for the first time on Friday and I've heard that a fairy is born when a baby first laughs. I believe it to be true because Bo's been staring up in the sky and smiling more than usual lately. Such a sweet babe.
Lots of love,
Cares
The ever so amazing Megan Bunch talked to us about how so many nowadays keep their babies in the car seat carrier deal on the ground versus "wearing" their baby so that the babes might be able to get a real view of life. Of course this triggered me to vow to ALWAYS wear my baby. What? Yeah so I've been pretty good about it because he loves to be so close and it is easier to have my hands free but there are times he chills in his seat and we're all okay with that. :-)
Anyhow, I've got a moby wrap, which I absolutely love but am in the running to win an ergo carrier which will allow sweet baby Bo to see the world from way up high while we're out on our walks and just out and about. Here's the link in case you'd like to forward it on or win one for yourself.
http://www.uniquelynormalmom.com/2011/06/ergobaby-carrier-review-giveaway.html
I'm working on part 2 of my birth story and updates on Bo. He laughed for Shawn for the first time on Friday and I've heard that a fairy is born when a baby first laughs. I believe it to be true because Bo's been staring up in the sky and smiling more than usual lately. Such a sweet babe.
Lots of love,
Cares
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Bo's Birth Story Part 1
Every woman who has given birth has a birth story and feels the need to share it. I'm no different in that regard but hope that my story might help another soon to be mama. Before I was pregnant I never really paid much attention to birth stories. I never watched "A Baby Story" or any other reality shows of the kind. I unfortunately only had Hollywood and a few of my girlfriends' stories to go off of.
Of all of my girlfriends who have given birth, the majority were induced and ended up with a C-Section. Note: A C-Section is MAJOR surgery. We're talking cut-through-seven-layers-can't-drive-a-vehicle-for-8 weeks-or-stand-up-after-rocking-your-infant-to-sleep major surgery. It's something I've always known I wanted to avoid. Well I also had reached an understanding in my pregnancy not to have a set plan since God usually belly laughs at me when I try. That said, I also knew I didn't want to be induced since the most common outcome of inductions are severe contractions worse than those of natural labor and an eventual C-Section.
We found out at about 16 weeks that Bo had a double vessel umbilical cord. This means that instead of the usual 2 arteries and vein he only had one of each providing him nutrients. Low birth weight, brain damage and heart development issues can sometimes result in a baby with a double vessel cord. Since it was so early on, we were able to monitor his growth which obviously went as well as could be. That said, Dr. Taylor didn't think I'd make it past 39 weeks without having to be induced. I had a moment when she said this and then pushed it away. I couldn't change his condition and therefore didn't have a reason to stress out about it. 39 weeks came along and he was doing fantastic. He was already weighing in at an estimated 7 pounds and his head was in the 95th percentile. GULP. This was fantastic news and meant I would be able to go to my 40th week without having to be induced. After week 41 the placenta slowing starts breaking down and nutrients pass through much slower. Most doctors won't let any pregnancy go past 41 weeks for this reason. Since Bo was at a higher risk, Dr. Taylor didn't want to push it and gave me a choice between the 2 days she was scheduled to be on call 24 hours. Monday, May 2 or Thursday May 5. Of course I chose Thursday to push it out as long as I could (HA! A pun!) and of course God laughed.
Monday the 2nd was my last check up with the Doctor to find out how far I'd progressed if at all. Since Sunday the 1st was my due date, I was feeling a bit let down that Bo hadn't shown any signs of coming. I'm a deadline driven person and know it's unreasonable to be so focused on a due date, but with all those hormones you wouldn't tell me I'm wrong. :-)
I woke up Monday morning feeling anxious and a bit frustrated knowing I'd most likely have to be induced since I wasn't feeling any contractions. I showed up to meet the hubs in the waiting room and began bawling when he told me he'd cleared his calendar and we'd have the afternoon to go to Capitola and have a lovely lunch in the sunshine. I was just happy he was giving so much support. I was also jam packed with hormones of all kinds filling my head with so many emotions. I was nervous, excited, apprehensive. You name it, I felt it. It was no surprise really when the PA took my blood pressure, shook her head and said "wow that's really high. My guess is Dr. Taylor will send you right over to the hospital". Sure enough she walked into the exam room saying those exact words. I looked at Shawn and started bawling. Like a little idiot. I was scared. I wasn't ready. I was emotional. Those are some bad combinations when it comes to me. I did my best to compose myself and prepared to head over. As we left the office my friend Moni and her hubs were sitting in the waiting room. Cue tears. AGAIN. I mean seriously. Through sobs I explained what was happening. Moni hugged me and told me it was going to be great. Her poor hubs offered a hug with his arms but his eyes were saying OMGthisisnutsarewegoingtohavetodothistoo?
Since we didn't have my bags, the hubs had to go home to get those and drop Winston off at school. He checked me in and assured me he'd be right back.
The nurse took my blood pressure and put me in a gown. Shortly after they drew blood. My BP had gone back to normal so I of course asked if I could go home. The nurse wasn't authorized to allow me to but said she'd call Dr. Taylor.
The doc came to check on me and said since my BP had gone down and blood work came back beautifully it was up to me. "You're here now, so you can stay and go ahead with the induction or you can go home. I'm fine with either." Of course I couldn't make this kind of decision without the hubs so I waited for him to come back.
What a sight that was. The hubs walked in lugging my XL suitcase, 2 pillows and an overnight bag filled with snacks and last minute additions I had texted him to pack while I was being admitted. What? I didn't know what I'd need!
His smile slowly faded when I told him Doc said I could go home but of course it was up to me. He wanted to talk to the doc and so when she assured him I'd be perfectly fine to head home that's what we did. I wanted to push out my induction as long as possible so it was a blessing that my BP had gone back to normal and I was okay to wait it out a bit longer.
Part 2 coming SOON...
Of all of my girlfriends who have given birth, the majority were induced and ended up with a C-Section. Note: A C-Section is MAJOR surgery. We're talking cut-through-seven-layers-can't-drive-a-vehicle-for-8 weeks-or-stand-up-after-rocking-your-infant-to-sleep major surgery. It's something I've always known I wanted to avoid. Well I also had reached an understanding in my pregnancy not to have a set plan since God usually belly laughs at me when I try. That said, I also knew I didn't want to be induced since the most common outcome of inductions are severe contractions worse than those of natural labor and an eventual C-Section.
We found out at about 16 weeks that Bo had a double vessel umbilical cord. This means that instead of the usual 2 arteries and vein he only had one of each providing him nutrients. Low birth weight, brain damage and heart development issues can sometimes result in a baby with a double vessel cord. Since it was so early on, we were able to monitor his growth which obviously went as well as could be. That said, Dr. Taylor didn't think I'd make it past 39 weeks without having to be induced. I had a moment when she said this and then pushed it away. I couldn't change his condition and therefore didn't have a reason to stress out about it. 39 weeks came along and he was doing fantastic. He was already weighing in at an estimated 7 pounds and his head was in the 95th percentile. GULP. This was fantastic news and meant I would be able to go to my 40th week without having to be induced. After week 41 the placenta slowing starts breaking down and nutrients pass through much slower. Most doctors won't let any pregnancy go past 41 weeks for this reason. Since Bo was at a higher risk, Dr. Taylor didn't want to push it and gave me a choice between the 2 days she was scheduled to be on call 24 hours. Monday, May 2 or Thursday May 5. Of course I chose Thursday to push it out as long as I could (HA! A pun!) and of course God laughed.
Monday the 2nd was my last check up with the Doctor to find out how far I'd progressed if at all. Since Sunday the 1st was my due date, I was feeling a bit let down that Bo hadn't shown any signs of coming. I'm a deadline driven person and know it's unreasonable to be so focused on a due date, but with all those hormones you wouldn't tell me I'm wrong. :-)
I woke up Monday morning feeling anxious and a bit frustrated knowing I'd most likely have to be induced since I wasn't feeling any contractions. I showed up to meet the hubs in the waiting room and began bawling when he told me he'd cleared his calendar and we'd have the afternoon to go to Capitola and have a lovely lunch in the sunshine. I was just happy he was giving so much support. I was also jam packed with hormones of all kinds filling my head with so many emotions. I was nervous, excited, apprehensive. You name it, I felt it. It was no surprise really when the PA took my blood pressure, shook her head and said "wow that's really high. My guess is Dr. Taylor will send you right over to the hospital". Sure enough she walked into the exam room saying those exact words. I looked at Shawn and started bawling. Like a little idiot. I was scared. I wasn't ready. I was emotional. Those are some bad combinations when it comes to me. I did my best to compose myself and prepared to head over. As we left the office my friend Moni and her hubs were sitting in the waiting room. Cue tears. AGAIN. I mean seriously. Through sobs I explained what was happening. Moni hugged me and told me it was going to be great. Her poor hubs offered a hug with his arms but his eyes were saying OMGthisisnutsarewegoingtohavetodothistoo?
Since we didn't have my bags, the hubs had to go home to get those and drop Winston off at school. He checked me in and assured me he'd be right back.
The nurse took my blood pressure and put me in a gown. Shortly after they drew blood. My BP had gone back to normal so I of course asked if I could go home. The nurse wasn't authorized to allow me to but said she'd call Dr. Taylor.
The doc came to check on me and said since my BP had gone down and blood work came back beautifully it was up to me. "You're here now, so you can stay and go ahead with the induction or you can go home. I'm fine with either." Of course I couldn't make this kind of decision without the hubs so I waited for him to come back.
What a sight that was. The hubs walked in lugging my XL suitcase, 2 pillows and an overnight bag filled with snacks and last minute additions I had texted him to pack while I was being admitted. What? I didn't know what I'd need!
His smile slowly faded when I told him Doc said I could go home but of course it was up to me. He wanted to talk to the doc and so when she assured him I'd be perfectly fine to head home that's what we did. I wanted to push out my induction as long as possible so it was a blessing that my BP had gone back to normal and I was okay to wait it out a bit longer.
Part 2 coming SOON...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Stop Being Afraid
I read this advice on a favorite blog in regards to a question about changing things up. And it really spoke to me.
I think I started really feeling fearful when I left my comfortable, worker bee tech writing job for a more unknown path down a very crooked road I wasn't sure about. My gut was right, it wasn't where I was supposed to be and I was asked to leave not long after I had started. I remember a conversation with my boss before I was demoted and ultimately let go that touched on this. I was more self-conscious than I had ever been in my life. I was afraid every day I worked there that I was going to be fired for not doing a good enough job...maybe too prophetic? Ever since then I've allowed fear, in its various forms, to overtake my thoughts and actions.
Last weekend I had the amazing opportunity to hear Maya Angelou speak here in Surf City. Not under the big city lights, but right here in our somewhat small surfer, hippie town. With the Mama and Auntie in tow I braved the incredibly stormy evening and had an incredible time together. Although frail, Maya Angelou spoke on many encouraging points--a lot of them still resonate in my mind as I attempt to sort them out and figure out a way to apply them into my daily thoughts and actions. But one of the things she spoke about was courage and how it was the greatest of all virtues because it's required to act out any of the others.
And I agree with that sentiment.
Stop being afraid.
Sure it's just that simple and just that hard. It takes courage to be able to face the things we fear the most and even the smaller day to day thoughts that hold us back.
Stop being afraid.
I think I started really feeling fearful when I left my comfortable, worker bee tech writing job for a more unknown path down a very crooked road I wasn't sure about. My gut was right, it wasn't where I was supposed to be and I was asked to leave not long after I had started. I remember a conversation with my boss before I was demoted and ultimately let go that touched on this. I was more self-conscious than I had ever been in my life. I was afraid every day I worked there that I was going to be fired for not doing a good enough job...maybe too prophetic? Ever since then I've allowed fear, in its various forms, to overtake my thoughts and actions.
Last weekend I had the amazing opportunity to hear Maya Angelou speak here in Surf City. Not under the big city lights, but right here in our somewhat small surfer, hippie town. With the Mama and Auntie in tow I braved the incredibly stormy evening and had an incredible time together. Although frail, Maya Angelou spoke on many encouraging points--a lot of them still resonate in my mind as I attempt to sort them out and figure out a way to apply them into my daily thoughts and actions. But one of the things she spoke about was courage and how it was the greatest of all virtues because it's required to act out any of the others.
 |
| Courage |
And I agree with that sentiment.
Stop being afraid.
Sure it's just that simple and just that hard. It takes courage to be able to face the things we fear the most and even the smaller day to day thoughts that hold us back.
Stop being afraid.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy March Madness!
Oh it's my favorite time of year yet again and I've got my bracket all filled and printed out. I've got the scores on demand on my second screen just so I can keep track.
I hate to sound like a complete jackass so let me set the disclaimer that this baby is the best thing I've ever done in my whole life. I have to give myself some credit getting through Football season AND March Madness without a drop of the good stuff.
A real conversation with my colleague at work:
Me: You know Debs. I'm really bummed I have to be sitting here at my desk while I should be in a pub somewhere watching March Madness games. ALL DAY.
Deb: Laughing Well, I suppose the upside is that it really wouldn't be much fun for you since you can't drink.
Me: Blink Blink Blink. No it would still be fun. Alcohol only brings up the volume of my excitement. The intensity is still there. The Kettle sodas just make that excitement LOUDER.
I hope I have a pretty good enough handle on myself to know that to be true.
Anyhow here's to another fantastic March Madness. I took last year's pool so let's hope my little lucky charm helps me win again! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! :-)
I hate to sound like a complete jackass so let me set the disclaimer that this baby is the best thing I've ever done in my whole life. I have to give myself some credit getting through Football season AND March Madness without a drop of the good stuff.
A real conversation with my colleague at work:
Me: You know Debs. I'm really bummed I have to be sitting here at my desk while I should be in a pub somewhere watching March Madness games. ALL DAY.
Deb: Laughing Well, I suppose the upside is that it really wouldn't be much fun for you since you can't drink.
Me: Blink Blink Blink. No it would still be fun. Alcohol only brings up the volume of my excitement. The intensity is still there. The Kettle sodas just make that excitement LOUDER.
I hope I have a pretty good enough handle on myself to know that to be true.
Anyhow here's to another fantastic March Madness. I took last year's pool so let's hope my little lucky charm helps me win again! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! :-)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Emotional Overload
It's no joke or secret that I am an emotional kind of girl. It's not usually unwarranted; depending on who you ask I suppose. :-p
I'm officially in my 8th month of pregnancy, reaching 33 weeks last Sunday. It's been a whirlwind of so many amazing feelings. Overall I can't say enough just how blessed I am at how easy and great this has all been. It hasn't been without its scares don't get me wrong. But as I've mentioned before, I have very little control over what's going on with my body and I've relinquished that. It's been incredibly liberating to SLOW DOWN and let go.
The majority of the time I'm great about it. I keep holding tight to my faith that everything is going well and is going to be great. But then there are days like yesterday that send me for a ride. And anyone else who happens to be within ear shot or on my "favorites" list on my phone. :-)
We've been going to the hospital every Sunday for what they call Non-Stress Tests. These hour long sessions are painless and are there to monitor the baby's heart rate and track movements. It's a chance for the hubs and I to sit back and just catch up with each other as we listen to the heart beats and watch our baby move. Sometimes I feel the movements, sometimes we can literally see the movements and other times I am surprised when the machine spits out a black line because I didn't feel a thing!
Monday we had another ultrasound and a visit with the Doc afterward.
She gave a clean bill of health and allowed us to ask all of our questions the hubs had written down. Thanks to Megan Bunch and her awesome class (yes I AM a groupie. So what?!) I asked what her "line in the sand" was for inducing labor.
This question really means how long will she let me go over my due date. Most doctors and hospitals have a date they will not go beyond for various reasons. In our case the baby's got a double vessel umbilical cord where most have 3. We were told this very early on and even went for an adventure up to Stanford to make sure the baby's heart was developing as it should. All was great. All has been great and Monday was not an exception. The baby is in the 49th percentile for it's size and growth which apparently is very good.
LOL. I'm so clueless. All I ever ask when they give me stats like that is "that's okay?" I do the same thing with my blood pressure because I really have NO IDEA. They laugh at me and luckily the response has ALWAYS been, yes your blood pressure is GREAT or the baby's heart rate is PERFECT!
So back to the line in the sand. Due to the fact that this is my first baby :-) and we have a double vessel cord my doc wants me out on maternity leave at 36 weeks and informed us that we will be closely watching but I will most likely have to be induced at 39 weeks.
Gulp followed by a Texas sized GULP
As soon as the words came out I looked at my hubs with eyes as wide as the full moon. I feel like I've become very open to just about everything in this pregnancy, even opening up to the idea of a natural labor. But I will absolutely admit that I am NOT open to an induction. Despite this feeling I didn't freak out since she said we'll be keeping an eye on things and I know that I have options.
Besides that I have an army of warriors out there who will send their prayers, chants, committees, whatever tools they have in their armory to support me. I remain strong and faithful that all will work out and be just fine. But as I soon learned this doesn't mean I can't have a "minute" about everything going on once in a while.
After our questions were answered the doc asked me to head back to the hospital for another NST because the baby hadn't been very active during the ultrasound. I wasn't nervous or concerned by any means and did as she asked. I sent the hubs to work and headed over. The nurse gave us both a gold star and sent me to work but not before she made sure I knew to come in ANYTIME I didn't feel the baby or just wanted to be safe. They're thorough and very, VERY kind at my hospital. I'm beyond blessed.
I'm a problem solver by nature and think that after all that activity I just had a minute.
The baby is on somewhat of a schedule and I can usually time when I can feel the sweet thing moving around. Monday night and all day Tuesday was an exception. I didn't feel as much movement which could have been the result of many things. It was a crazy busy day at work as I was getting projects lined up for completion and an offer letter out to the contractor filling in for me. At the end of the day I called the hubs and told him that I felt like maybe I should go visit my nurse friends just to be safe. He agreed and we hung up. I called labor and delivery and Patti answered. Patti's been there for 2 of our 4 NST visits AND REMEMBERED ME ON THE PHONE. She cheerfully told me to come right on in. No biggie.
Then came the waterworks.
I wasn't scared, worried or concerned. I don't even know what emotion I was feeling. Maybe a bit of sadness that I have to think about the baby's movements and have to be more aware than most. I felt a little weak and probably a lot hormonal. (hey I can break grammar rules if I know how they work okay?) I had called everyone on my favorites list just to cry it out knowing each one on there would provide a level head and a calming energy even if it was over the phone. No one was there to pick up and I took it as a sign that I could handle this "minute" and to just allow myself to be in that moment, with the babes and JUST BREATH.
I cried all the way to the hospital and sent out a prayer as I turned the dial to my favorite uplifting XM station when on came Dave Barnes' 'God Gave Me You'. Now this is JUST a song but it really does describe the way I feel about the hubs and did provide comfort on my short ride. I've only heard it a handful of times but I am incredibly in tune with it as the hubs has been nothing short of amazing during this adventure. You know when you just send out a prayer or thought to the universe and then BAM the phone rings, or a song comes on that you JUST needed to hear. That's what it felt like and man was I grateful.
It was just a moment. I wasn't lost or freaking out. I just had to let it out. And you know what? It felt really, really good. It felt even better when the hubs walked into the room, grabbed my hand and just smiled. The baby was moving and the stats looked great after some juice and rest. We talked about everything going on and agreed there was a lot. He gave me credit at keeping my s$*T together as well as I have and confirmed I wasn't crazy. And as always he provided some helpful insight about our situation and the awareness we have to have. The hubs isn't one to elaborate or string things out but he sure is smart and the best partner I've ever found. Ever. I hope our baby is just like him.
Patti confirmed with the Doctor on call making rounds that the baby looked great and sent us on our way. She even blew me a kiss on the way out. We got home and the hubs started a bath for his tired baby mama. I love that man.
I know we're all entitled to have a "minute" once in a while and I had mine yesterday. I'm still feeling incredibly emotional but I'm okay with that too. I'm a very blessed girl.
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say
It's true
God gave me you
High: Getting to know the labor and delivery staff. You know they're gonna be STOKED when it comes time to have this baby and actually KNOW me on the day I waddle in.
Low: DUH. Having to bring awareness to the double vessel cord.
I'm officially in my 8th month of pregnancy, reaching 33 weeks last Sunday. It's been a whirlwind of so many amazing feelings. Overall I can't say enough just how blessed I am at how easy and great this has all been. It hasn't been without its scares don't get me wrong. But as I've mentioned before, I have very little control over what's going on with my body and I've relinquished that. It's been incredibly liberating to SLOW DOWN and let go.
The majority of the time I'm great about it. I keep holding tight to my faith that everything is going well and is going to be great. But then there are days like yesterday that send me for a ride. And anyone else who happens to be within ear shot or on my "favorites" list on my phone. :-)
We've been going to the hospital every Sunday for what they call Non-Stress Tests. These hour long sessions are painless and are there to monitor the baby's heart rate and track movements. It's a chance for the hubs and I to sit back and just catch up with each other as we listen to the heart beats and watch our baby move. Sometimes I feel the movements, sometimes we can literally see the movements and other times I am surprised when the machine spits out a black line because I didn't feel a thing!
Monday we had another ultrasound and a visit with the Doc afterward.
She gave a clean bill of health and allowed us to ask all of our questions the hubs had written down. Thanks to Megan Bunch and her awesome class (yes I AM a groupie. So what?!) I asked what her "line in the sand" was for inducing labor.
This question really means how long will she let me go over my due date. Most doctors and hospitals have a date they will not go beyond for various reasons. In our case the baby's got a double vessel umbilical cord where most have 3. We were told this very early on and even went for an adventure up to Stanford to make sure the baby's heart was developing as it should. All was great. All has been great and Monday was not an exception. The baby is in the 49th percentile for it's size and growth which apparently is very good.
LOL. I'm so clueless. All I ever ask when they give me stats like that is "that's okay?" I do the same thing with my blood pressure because I really have NO IDEA. They laugh at me and luckily the response has ALWAYS been, yes your blood pressure is GREAT or the baby's heart rate is PERFECT!
So back to the line in the sand. Due to the fact that this is my first baby :-) and we have a double vessel cord my doc wants me out on maternity leave at 36 weeks and informed us that we will be closely watching but I will most likely have to be induced at 39 weeks.
Gulp followed by a Texas sized GULP
As soon as the words came out I looked at my hubs with eyes as wide as the full moon. I feel like I've become very open to just about everything in this pregnancy, even opening up to the idea of a natural labor. But I will absolutely admit that I am NOT open to an induction. Despite this feeling I didn't freak out since she said we'll be keeping an eye on things and I know that I have options.
Besides that I have an army of warriors out there who will send their prayers, chants, committees, whatever tools they have in their armory to support me. I remain strong and faithful that all will work out and be just fine. But as I soon learned this doesn't mean I can't have a "minute" about everything going on once in a while.
After our questions were answered the doc asked me to head back to the hospital for another NST because the baby hadn't been very active during the ultrasound. I wasn't nervous or concerned by any means and did as she asked. I sent the hubs to work and headed over. The nurse gave us both a gold star and sent me to work but not before she made sure I knew to come in ANYTIME I didn't feel the baby or just wanted to be safe. They're thorough and very, VERY kind at my hospital. I'm beyond blessed.
I'm a problem solver by nature and think that after all that activity I just had a minute.
The baby is on somewhat of a schedule and I can usually time when I can feel the sweet thing moving around. Monday night and all day Tuesday was an exception. I didn't feel as much movement which could have been the result of many things. It was a crazy busy day at work as I was getting projects lined up for completion and an offer letter out to the contractor filling in for me. At the end of the day I called the hubs and told him that I felt like maybe I should go visit my nurse friends just to be safe. He agreed and we hung up. I called labor and delivery and Patti answered. Patti's been there for 2 of our 4 NST visits AND REMEMBERED ME ON THE PHONE. She cheerfully told me to come right on in. No biggie.
Then came the waterworks.
I wasn't scared, worried or concerned. I don't even know what emotion I was feeling. Maybe a bit of sadness that I have to think about the baby's movements and have to be more aware than most. I felt a little weak and probably a lot hormonal. (hey I can break grammar rules if I know how they work okay?) I had called everyone on my favorites list just to cry it out knowing each one on there would provide a level head and a calming energy even if it was over the phone. No one was there to pick up and I took it as a sign that I could handle this "minute" and to just allow myself to be in that moment, with the babes and JUST BREATH.
I cried all the way to the hospital and sent out a prayer as I turned the dial to my favorite uplifting XM station when on came Dave Barnes' 'God Gave Me You'. Now this is JUST a song but it really does describe the way I feel about the hubs and did provide comfort on my short ride. I've only heard it a handful of times but I am incredibly in tune with it as the hubs has been nothing short of amazing during this adventure. You know when you just send out a prayer or thought to the universe and then BAM the phone rings, or a song comes on that you JUST needed to hear. That's what it felt like and man was I grateful.
It was just a moment. I wasn't lost or freaking out. I just had to let it out. And you know what? It felt really, really good. It felt even better when the hubs walked into the room, grabbed my hand and just smiled. The baby was moving and the stats looked great after some juice and rest. We talked about everything going on and agreed there was a lot. He gave me credit at keeping my s$*T together as well as I have and confirmed I wasn't crazy. And as always he provided some helpful insight about our situation and the awareness we have to have. The hubs isn't one to elaborate or string things out but he sure is smart and the best partner I've ever found. Ever. I hope our baby is just like him.
Patti confirmed with the Doctor on call making rounds that the baby looked great and sent us on our way. She even blew me a kiss on the way out. We got home and the hubs started a bath for his tired baby mama. I love that man.
I know we're all entitled to have a "minute" once in a while and I had mine yesterday. I'm still feeling incredibly emotional but I'm okay with that too. I'm a very blessed girl.
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say
It's true
God gave me you
High: Getting to know the labor and delivery staff. You know they're gonna be STOKED when it comes time to have this baby and actually KNOW me on the day I waddle in.
Low: DUH. Having to bring awareness to the double vessel cord.
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