So I sit in a teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls which translates to NO PRIVACY. No biggie, just makes me that much more productive. It's great, really.
AHEM
Now as a teacher and a nanny I've seen my fair share of children with the ants-in-their-pants syndrome. Plenty. What I've never seen is a grown man get up from his desk 85,000 times in the span of one half hour. I'm not kidding. And he doesn't just get up and walk.
He ever.so.slowly.shuffles.his.right.foot.then.the.left...ENOUGH ALREADY! SIT DOWN!
I don't know where he goes or why. I don't know why he gets up to get his lunch from the refrigerator only to shuffle back, set it down on his desk and shuffle back out again. I only know he is completely incapable of sitting still and does this ALL DAY LONG. I also know a little bit about his temper and his stutter.
A few weeks ago, I was minding my own business being very productive in my teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls when out of nowhere I hear antsy-pants begin to raise his voice and yell at what seems to be a co-worker on the phone. Not only is he yelling but then his stutter kicks in so he's angrily stutter-shouting and some poor sap on the phone. My eyes about bugged outta my head as I looked up at my co-workers who all looked back with the same scared-as-shit expression. And it went on and on and on for a good 15 minutes. Stutter shouting about not having information to give in time, and "no I don't have to ask for things in a nicer manner".
I of course being the dramatic soul that I am, I envision him slamming the phone down and going postal all over the office. Luckily my imagination is much more animated than real life and instead he just stutter-vented to his office mate who politely nodded his head in agreement to EVERYTHING HE SAID. Um, yeah I wouldn't go against antsy pants either! You just can't fix crazy.
So yesterday was one of our Director's last days. He's taken a position overseas and in honor of this we were throwing him a sendoff party at the local bar and grill. It's 4PM and our Director's admin comes to my teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls to ask me to head over early with her. She doesn't finish her sentence when out shuffles antsy pants.
Hhhhheyy guys...I've gggot this gggreat idea! You remember The Carol Burnett Show?
Blink
Blink
Blink
Cares: You mean Miss Hannigan? The mean orphan lady from Annie? Sure, I remember her!
Admin: No I think he means the SHOW
Antsy Pants: Yeah! Well remember this song?
Antsy Pants then proceeds to sing the farewell theme song to The Carol Burnett Show and pretty well actually. No, this guy was GETTING INTO IT. Eyes closed, knee dips, the whole nine yards. Right outside my teeny tiny cubicle with incredibly low windows for walls. All the while all I can think is "Why MY cube, and WHY isn't anyone else here to witness this crazy behavior?"
He won't leave until Admin and I both promise to sing with him. Oh yeah, sure sure! GETTOUTTAHEREANDWHILEYERATIT SIT DOWN!
By the time I get to the Bar and Grill everyone had heard about Antsy Pants and his desire to serenade our Director. Dude shows up holding song sheets for everyone carefully tucked under his arm like the Holy Grail. He's beaming. He raises his water glass to toast our director. He stands up and is very gracious. Then he turns not so gracious as he passes out the song sheets.
And a one, and a one, and a one two three four....
Some people just sit and read the words, some take copious sips of their cocktails, some mumble along but all are feeling a little awkward for antsy pants. He's still beaming and singing his heart out. Still the only one standing up.
I do NOT make this up. I promise.
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