Coming Soon....

A detailed rant regarding intuition and accountability. Hopefully the latter of those will be helping me get something up today....

xxoo
Cares

Happy Friday

Let's all be weary of the Swamp Heifer and strive every day not to become one.

I think this shall be my new prayer before walking out for an evening out.

Happy reading and more importantly, HAPPY FRIDAY!

xxxooo

Cares

http://pearl-whyyoulittle.blogspot.com/2010/08/and-remember-they-can-smell-fear.html#links

On Failing

Failing every once in a while is part of being human. Actually, it might be a requirement.

I just read this statement that someone posted as a response to another blog. It made me stop, look up, and take a big breath before I re-read it a few times.

Lately my emotions have been getting the better of me. Shocking, right? Well a lot of people I care about are going through some serious life changes, myself included, and it's taking a toll. I recently had a conversation with Kimmie about how our ideals have changed dramatically from our college days. Y'know the days when we were actually BELIEVING we could take on the world and make a change. I mean not just thinking that our ideas and actions would actually make a difference but KNEW they would. We were in college. We were unstoppable. We were going to do what no one else has ever sought out to do before us.

Fast forward to today. Neither of us are actually doing much related to what we studied, pined, dreamed of doing. Maybe the word failure is too dramatic, but what does feel like failure are the numerous attempts we've all made trying to get back on that track, relive those ideas of grandeur on a much smaller scale. Sure it's a shit time to try and get ANY kind of job in ANY field, there's not a whole hell of a lot any of us can do about that. We've had to settle for what we can get but ultimately that settling has created an incredible amount of stagnancy causing an uneasy feeling of failure.

I'm too damn young for a mid-life crisis. But here I am. Feeling unsettled in so many areas and not having much opportunity to change it.

I'm not where I thought I'd be. My family dynamics are not what I thought they were. So many things I've made up in my head have come down in a crashing heap of good intentions and sugar-coated ideals. I want it all, the career that keeps me motivated and satisfied and a family life that provides stability and comfort. And maybe for the most part it does, but it sure isn't what I've made it up to be. It sure isn't what I pretend it is. And let me tell you, I'm a great pretender. I guess that's attributed to all the books I've read and the imagination I've conjured up. I've tried to make up a world that doesn't exist. I think I really do live in a parallel universe without a true grip on reality. I'm not crazy, I've just ignored so much of the bad or negative and tried to simply gloss over it.

Growing up I never learned how to really talk about things that upset me. I was 21 years old the first time I actually sat down and discussed my feelings about my parent's divorce with Bubba. They split up when I was 2.

Blink
Blink

My whole life I've wanted peace and quiet, everyone getting along. I still do. But that's not real. Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is filled with curve balls you don't see coming. But it's also an amazing ride with some amazing people by my side.

Life is sometimes about falling apart and putting yourself back together.

The One Where I Feel a Little Guilty...But Not Really

So if you're my friend then you know that I love and miss my friend and trainer Jen almost as I miss that Kauai sunshine I got on my honeymoon. Well if you've never read her blog then it's imperative that you read it now for a little background information. Specifically this one right here. Yep this is a link and it will take you there.

So  2 years ago almost to the date I bought my Fabulous Pair of Chloe Sunglasses at a trunk sale at a local boutique. They were fantastic. They were on sale. They were still expensive. The free champagne helped.

I had noticed that the arm had begun to loosen and made a big scratch in the lens so I took them in to see if the scratch could be buffed out. Sure enough the snobby boutique owner told me there was nothing she could do. I stomped out with a pouty HMPH vowing never to shop there again. Unless there was Champagne. What?

The other day I pulled my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses out of their case, opened up the arms and SNAP! off came the arm all together. I sat with my jaw on the floor of my car, a tear forming in my left eye, the arm in my right hand and the carcass of my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses in my left.

I don't tend to allow material things to cause such devastation, but my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses had accompanied me on many fantastic adventures: Benisa's wedding in Wailea, my bachelorette party, my wedding and honeymoon. I even left them once and had them safely returned. They served me very well. They were like an extended family member.

Blink
Blink
Blink

Too far? Yeah, you're probably right.

That following weekend a girls' weekend to Walnut Creek was planned. Lunch at a lovely sidewalk cafe and shopping at Nordie's was the agenda. After lunch we walked to Nordies where I had a flash of genius. I quietly separated from the drama that is 5 girls and headed over to the sunglasses. I put on the biggest smile I could, pulled out my Fabulous Chloe Sunglasses and asked if there was someone on hand to fix the arm with one of those little sunglass screws. You know the teeny tiny ones that require a magnifying glass to replace. All the while in my head saying BAT you short stumpy eyelashes, BAT!!!

Oh, this arm is completely busted off, they can't be fixed. Do you see another pair you might like?
Oh but I LOVE my Fabulous Chole Sunglasses. (POUT you small un-platypus like lips, POUT!)
Oh I'm sorry, they are fabulous, but broken. What's your number and we'll get them exchanged out for you.
UUUMMMM welll this purchase won't be in your computer.....
That's okay, what's your number?
408-....-.....
Hmm I don't see anything in here. But how about this Chanel pair? They're very similar in style.
So you can just exchange them out...just like that? (Knowing full from my 5 year tenure as a salesgirl at my own neighborhood Nordies that well that yes, she can.)
No problem, here you go! Would you like to keep the arm?

Then I read this article on yahoo. I didn't feel so guilty after that. We were all winners that day. Cares, Nordies sales lady, and yes even Nordies will be reimbursed.

Oh I love my Fabulous Chanel Sunglasses.

Sleep v. No Sleep

I have to say this post was completely inspired by my writing hero Dooce. If you haven't checked her out yet, dooce it. HAHAHAHHAHA


Okay, obviously I am feeling better these days, but not without a little help from my good friends: power yoga, The Works, and those pesky Seacliff Stairs. I've been head-down working on working out to keep my mind from exploding from all the frustrations that encompass life. I'm seriously considering talking to a therapist again just to figure out some of it all. If any of you out there have any recommendations I'm open.

That said, I'll move on to the meat of this post.

Last night I took a glorious walk/run with Meegs, her seester, 2 friends, and two of my favorite peeps on the planet...her two boys. The boys rode their scooters along the walk as we enjoyed the amazing view of the Pacific. I took myself up the Seascape Stairs for a grueling yet satisfying ab/butt/leg workout and quickly met back up with the others. When I say quickly I mean as quickly as I can as I huff and puff and swear and spit.

Thinking I would sleep like a dream, I called it an early night and was in bed by 9:30. Then the fun began:

Cares v. Winston
Sleeping soundly is hard to do when Winston-the-160-lb-mastiff jumps on your body and tries to find a comfortable spot on the bed. He's nothing if not tenacious, and would wait until I was resettled after yanking/pulling/pushing him off the bed to jump back up. He did this 5 more time. Let me repeat in case you don't understand the severity of it all. 5 times.

Winston: 5
Cares: 6

Cares v. Temperature
Shawn washed our comforter last night and made the bed with it straight from the dryer.

Blink
Blink

TOO.HOT.

I woke up cold with only the sheet for a cover and the fan blowing at a speed of 3 out of 3.

TOO. COLD.

I had to rearrange myself and nearly wake Shawn to get the covers on just right. What? Don't EVEN try to tell me that you don't have a particular way the bedding goes when you try to sleep. Liar.

Winner: Cares


Shawn v. Winston v. Cares
Sometimes when Winston gets tired of me telling him he can't come up on the bed, he'll go over to Shawn's side and jump up like he's a gazelle. Except he's NOT a gazelle no matter how graceful he can be to completely clear Shawn and in one fell swoop curl up pretending to be asleep.

Twice Shawn had to pull him off the bed and put him into his own.

If I never hear the hubz sternly say STAY, STAY (because he can't just say it once) again it'll be too soon.

Winner: Winston for a. waking me up again and 2. making my hubz annoy me

Cares v. Winston
Out of a DEAD SLEEP I shoot up to the sounds of Winston's ferocious THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE LET ME GET THAT SOMETHING IT'S A SQUIRREL NO IT'S THE CAT CREATURE NO IT'S A RACCOON NO IT'S A SKUUUUUUUUUNNNKKKKKK
LET.
ME.
OUT!!!

Winner: Tied between Winston and some unknown creature outside

Sigh. I've really gotta do something about this sleeping situation.

Week from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

WOW

This week goes down in the record books for WORST. WEEK. EVER. 


I haven't been sleeping, the website I manage at work has been down for 2 days and to add insult to injury I received this oh-so-lovely-and-not-a-blow-to-my-confidence-at-all response to a job application:



Dear CB,

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider you for employment and for answering the supplemental questions we emailed you earlier this week.

Although your experience is impressive, we have been surprised by the response to our posting and are unable to offer interviews to every qualified candidate. We appreciate your interest in xxx and wish you success in your search for the right opportunity.

Sincerely,

The xxxx Team

Happy Freaking Friday.

Reasons My Co-Workers Might Hate Me....

Yesterday I confessed to a colleague that I hate baby showers. She shot me a look that was a cross between pity and confusion. I mean it's not like I said I hate babies. Jeesh.

What's a girl gotta do to get some sleep around here?

Let me start this entry off with a great big yawn as I try to peer through sleepy eyes.

Something in the Anglewood household has to change. QUICK LIKE. First there was my attempt at sleep aides. Now I've just gone into full bore cranky mode. Winston has taken to climbing into bed in the middle of the night while the both of us are sound asleep and unaware.

Blink
Blink

I'm sure you're having a hard time imagining how ANYONE could sleep through the earth shattering and room quaking that is Winston. But honestly he really does somehow sneak his way up.

Now since we are passed out you'd think it wasn't a big deal. The problem is he starts out at the bottom of the bed and as he gets more and more comfortable he stretches out so much that I'm pushed to the outer edges of the bed and wake up just before I plummet out of a fantastic sleep and onto Oscar snoring peacefully in his bed. Then the process begins. I take all the tired strength I have to push/pull/pry Winston off the bed only to have him reenact this 3 more times before dawn.

All the while my husband gently stirs unaware.

Last night was the last straw.

Bless his heart Shawn couldn't sleep.

It was 2:26 when I awoke out of a blissful sleep induced by a heart thumping, leg kicking, tricep developing class at the gym. 

I moan how tired I am and how I've got no sleep this week and can't perform at work because of it. Shawn simply looked forward watching Adam Sandler and his idiotic haircut try to save a hotel. To add to the fun, a bulldog appeared out of nowhere in the movie sending Oscar to his feet barking like a dog on crack looking for a hit.

I throw the covers off and head to the kitchen to get some water hoping it's all a dream and I'm really still asleep. Winston of course moves his sasquatch body out of the way so I can open the door and follows me out to the kitchen where he starts whining uncontrollably and then BARKING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS BECAUSE IT'S NOW 2:38.

This is when I lost my mind. My rant went something like:

Really, Winston? REALLY? What? Should I take your barking ass out for a f*@#ing run around the block? I mean that's reasonable enough AT 2:38 IN THE DAMN MORNING! KNOCK IT OFF AND

GO.

TO.

SLEEP!!!!

I got back into bed, turned on my light and began to read. All I could focus on was the thought: IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I MIGHT BE SEMI NORMAL. So I shut my book and did my best to shut my mind. I don't know what time it was the next time I woke up and didn't want to know.

6:30 came around and I had to wake up the hubz who had overslept thanks to Adam Sandler, his bulldog and mullet.

I'm very tired and just watched my head explode all over my desk after a very important conference call with developers and engineers working on translating the web site I manage. That's gonna be a bitch to clean up.

You Get What You Need....

I learned as a kid the old cliches "Life isn't fair" and "You can't always get what you want" which usually ended up in a tantrum of some sort. As an adult I get that in order to get past these truths of life it helps to tell ourselves that the silver lining is yet another cliche "Everything ends up as it should".

I'm usually pretty good at looking at the bright side...so much so that former colleagues dubbed me Pollyanna, a nickname I was happy with actually. It's fun to be the one who stays calm when everything else is falling apart.  Lately I feel like there's nothing worse than rejection and while I don't take my professional life personally, I'm beginning to take things to heart. I've taken to refreshing my email, checking my cell for a missed call about a million times a day....sigh.

I know I'll end up where I'm "supposed" to, but it's the meantime that's killin' me and yes, I know the lessons only come during the meantime. I'll try to channel Pollyanna and stay positive. Wish me luck...

Concert

Tess and I had a BLAST at the Avett Brothers Concert and fell in love with a new artist named Chelsea Williams. (Jules do NOT look her up. kay?!)

We enjoyed some fantastic music, beautiful weather and delicious wine. We will definitely go back for more concerts this summer.